Photo by @rocinante_11 Mick Haupt on Unsplash

Ten things that bug me about lockdown

25 February, 2021Posted inObservations1 Comment
Having to actually answer the phone because people know I am home.Seeing dust enough to actually feel compelled to do something about it.My Amazon bill.My dog only barks during Zoom meetings.My dog only shits on the floor during Zoom meetings.My dog only gets hungry during Zoom meetings.Not having mail.Having mail.People I don't like that can recognize me in a mask from 100 yards.People I like that cannot recognize me in a mask from 100 inches. What bugs you about lockdown?

Things I Learned from Movies, Part III

16 September, 2008Posted inObservations, Original Humor52 Comments
Bullets from heroes kill with one shot and in less than a second. Bullets from criminals maim, but if they do kill, it takes longer. Virginity protects you from serial killers. It only takes two people to turn a two ton fallen tree into a massive booby trap that operates by pulling a tiny wooden shim. Heroes' handguns fire 70 shots and never miss. Criminals' handguns fire six shots of questionable accuracy. They also ricochet more often than heroes. Heroes simply bleed less than criminals, who tend to bleed in arterial spray patterns resembling a Jackson Pollock painting. The first…

Scubby?

11 September, 2008Posted inObservations67 Comments
OK, dear readers. I am putting together a list and want your help. The few thousand of you who loyally read this site should have enough collective experience to make this happen. I've been fascinated by how each car and truck that has a cult-ish following has a nickname made up for it that all the owners know. For example, you all know Corvettes are called Vettes and Mini Coopers are called Minis or Coops, but did you know Ferraris are called Pony Cars? Subarus are called Scubbys? GTOs are Goats? So that's what I'm making a list of and…