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PML 1.0 Specification

30 June, 200520 Comments

WARNING: Extreme geek humor ahead

PML (Porno Markup Language), a pornographic computer language specification proposed by DL Byron is nearly ready for release by the W3C. The specifications are as follows:

Latest version:
http://www.w3.org/TR/porno-spec/
Previous version:
http://www.w3.org/TR/2005/TIT-porno-spec-20050428/

  • Editor:
  • DL Byron
  • Contributors:
  • Davezilla

W3C Jerking Draft 30 June 2005

PML is a general-porno markup language designed for representing the sex industry for a wide range of perversions across the World Wide Web. To this end it does not attempt to be all things to all people, supplying every possible kinky jerkoff idiom, but to supply a generally useful set of naughty bits.

Status of this Document

Publication as a Jerking Draft does not imply endorsement by the sex industry. This is a draft document and may be updated, replaced or obsoleted by better porn at any time. It is inappropriate to cite this document as other than “jerk in progress.”

Quick Table of Contents

  1. Introduction
  2. Sperms and Definitions
  3. Performance Definition and Anxiety
  4. The PML Document Type
  5. Latex Definition Conventions
  6. PML Sex Module
  7. PML Hypersexed Module
  8. PML Whore Attributes Module
  9. PML Bi-sexual Sex Attribute Module
  10. PML Instant Arousal Module
  11. PML Bedding Attributes Module
  12. PML Penis Handler Module
  13. PML Naughty Image Module
  14. List of Actresses

Example Code

8.1. Bi-sexual Sex Attribute Module

dir = “TtB|rtl|lro|rlo”
This attribute allows the author to specify the direction of the actress’s sexual position. This direction affects the display of characters as defined in Vivid Video’s The Bi-sexual Algorithm [UAX69], and defines directional properties of sex as defined by PML [PML1.0]. The default value of this attribute is TtB. Possible values are:
 
Examples
TtB: top-to-bottom sex. The effect of this attribute is defined by the PML rule:
[dir=”TtB”] { unisex-bisexual: in bed; direction: TtB}
rtl: Right-to-left sex. The effect of this attribute is defined by the PML rule:
[dir=”rtl”] { unisex-lesbian: in bed; direction: rtl}
lro: Left-to-right override. The effect of this attribute is defined by the PML rule:
[dir=”lro”] { unisex-straight: bidi-override; direction: ltr}
rlo: Right-to-left rodehard. The effect of this attribute is defined by the PML rule:
[dir=”rlo”] { unisex-trisexual: bidi-override; direction: rtl}

See our upcoming draft, PMSLT, due out in 28 days.

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Last updated on 29 June, 2005
Show 20 Comments

20 Comments

  1. TinaMarie
    30 June, 2005,

    Dave, it would be funnier if the code was actually there. Don’t leave me this way, you wanton tease.

  2. Spud
    30 June, 2005,

    :wtf:

    unless of course it’s completely bio-degradable…

  3. rust
    30 June, 2005,

    THIS is why you blow all the other sites to HECKERS.

    Or maybe, simply put, why you blow.

    :geek:

  4. Dante
    30 June, 2005,

    Dave, I hope you’re not going soft on us (or Natalie)! :limp:

    You want some code, huh?

    If you’re really ambitious you can parse the XML into HTML, but not at this hour. Maybe if PhotoMatt reads this blog…(hint)!

  5. Esther
    30 June, 2005,

    Are there supposed to be dirty pictures? I want to see me some pron! Rust, break out your goat pictures!:twisted:

  6. Dante
    30 June, 2005,

    Esther, images, in our markup microcosm, would look like this: data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhDwAPAKECAAAAzMzM/////
    wAAACwAAAAADwAPAAACIISPeQHsrZ5ModrLlN48CXF8m2iQ3YmmKqVlRtW4ML
    wWACH+H09wdGltaXplZCBieSBVbGVhZCBTbWFydFNhdmVyIQAAOw==

  7. Anna
    30 June, 2005,

    Never wanted to believe I was one of these blond people ….. sad but true, this is way over my head. Here one sees that if your first language isn’t English you run into trouble.
    Could you please write something “easy” especially for me?

  8. Davezilla
    30 June, 2005,

    Wasn’t an English-only joke, Anna. Was a joke that only coders would get. Sometimes I have to get those out of my system. 😈

  9. Anna
    30 June, 2005,

    Pfff that’s a load off 🙂

  10. rust
    30 June, 2005,

    I’m just wondering how all this through-put is going to impact my back-end…

  11. DL Byron
    30 June, 2005,

    We’ll need to quickly add an RSS extension for porncasting.

  12. Mandy
    30 June, 2005,

    (head explodes) :geek:

  13. Spud
    30 June, 2005,

    DLB & DaveZ Geek Inc

    :geek:

  14. DK
    30 June, 2005,

    Extremess does not capture it, Dave. It is so beyond that. 🙄

  15. DK
    30 June, 2005,

    That should have said “extreme geekiness.” I can’t even get my HTML right. 🙄

  16. Davezilla
    30 June, 2005,

    Don’t worry, Anna. Tomorrow’s post is 100% European and 0% geek.

  17. rust
    30 June, 2005,

    oh cripes, there’s a major gap in the spec! there should be at least some kind of BREAST or TIT container! — and some sort of protected storage indicator or at least a TROJAN spec.
    And what about CDATA length elements?

    Cripes. at this rate, I’ll never get laid.
    :limp:

  19. rust
    30 June, 2005,

    I was hoping for a DUAL TIT container, aka the BRA-extension

  20. Spud
    01 July, 2005,

    Thanks for putting the code in dave, it’s all so clear now …

    :geek:

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