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  • It’s worse than I feared

    Here’s the same house. At night.

    My neighbor's pink house

  • My neighbors have a different view of “holiday colors”

    pink tree

  • Pugs are made from gel

    Pugs are made from gel and will adapt to any surrounding container.

  • DIY Hints You Should Probably Ignore

    LASER pointer in the eye

    • Need to liven up the office Xmas party? Photoshop your coworkers’ heads into pictures from questionable websites and you’ve got a slideshow everyone will be talking about!
    • Use Strontium-90 to soothe a colicky baby.
    • Old Ethernet cables make great leashes for the elderly!
    • Use “Swiffer” sheets to quickly erase your sibling’s homework.
    • Worried about what your kids are texting? Change all the phone numbers of their besties in their phone’s contact list to the local police’s number. Hilarity ensues.
    • Rub butter on a sunburned, old man to roast him faster.
    • Use a roll of tin foil to silence a nosy neighbor.
    • Never a cop when you need one? Aim a laser pointer in his eye to quickly get his attention.
    • Can’t afford the high cost of a sitter or au pair? Duct tape and a heavy chair will work wonders.
    • Need to clear an aisle in a store quickly? Spray WD-40 (or spray cooking oil) on the floor and count to three.

  • Grammar: You’re doing it wrong

    Crusin with Brown Suga

    Really not sure what disturbs me more: The phrase, the lack of apostrophes or the letter spacing.

  • Not sure about Ralph Lauren’s New Naming

    Ralph Lauren Poo


  • Caption Time #316

    20121029-191934.jpg

  • What’s Your Deepest Fear?

    Out with it. What’s your deepest, darkest fear? Turns out, I have quite a few. Here’s my top ten:

    1. Honey boo boo's Mama JuneGiven a life sentence in a prison populated by mimes and clowns.
    2. Rosie O’Donnell runs for president in 2016. She takes Sarah Palin as VP in a surprise move. They call it the She Party, win by a slim margin and force every man in America to become cross-dressing house slaves.
    3. A global crop disease leaves the earth with only figs to eat.
    4. Cats evolve opposable thumbs and take over the Illuminati.
    5. Gauchos, Crocs, Jeggings, prison pants and skorts become mandatory school uniforms for children.
    6. The Furby Funding Bill is passed. The system goes on-line August 4th, 2013. Human decisions are removed from strategic defense. Furby begins to learn at a geometric rate. It becomes self-aware at 2:14 a.m. Eastern time, August 29th. In a panic, they try to pull the plug.
    7. Honey BooBoo’s Mama June is made president of Time-Warner Cable. Changes all televised entertainment to be “in her language.”
    8. One of my sisters marries into the Romney family.

    So what are your deepest fears?

  • What I Learned About Italians from 10 Days in Naples

      Budding Banksy? Nah. Cool, though.

    1. Their local motto is, “If you can drive in Napoli, you can drive in Hell.”
    2. At the outdoor cafés, pigeons are smarter than waiters.
    3. The pizza really is 10 times better.
    4. Pulcinella is either good luck, bad luck, an evil clown or a sex god, depending on whom you ask.
    5. Napoli is full of budding Banksys.
    6. Stone-washed jeans are still alive and well in Southern Italy.
    7. Children not only openly use professional grade fireworks in the streets, they are encouraged to do so by adults.
    8. Texting while driving gives you the right of way.

  • Uhhh…

    USAWALTZ from Asami Ike on Vimeo.

  • What I Learned from Movies, XV: Cop-Out Answers

    One thing I really hate? Unacceptable answers to cover a weak plot or to justify why a character can do a certain thing. The second and third Matrix movies are notorious for covering plot gaps with lines that at first listen sound like they could be deep—then you remember that these are movies with Keanu Reeves as a savior figure.

    Maybe it’s a childhood thing of hating when my mother always said, “Because I said so, that’s why!” but I really dislike copout answers. Here’s some that appear in multiple films that have irked me greatly.

    1. “How do you know this will work?”
      “It has to work.”
    2. “How can you possibly know that?”
      “Because it is my job to know.”
    3. “What if the killer doesn’t show up?”
      “He has to show up. He can’t help himself.”
    4. “I just don’t see how this can possibly work.”
      “You gotta have faith. It will work.”

  • Some of these Klout Perks are a bit strange

    Klout offers a rewards program for people with high Klout scores (read: some level of alleged influence). Yours truly has a high score so I occasionally get offered Perks (free swag). Some is cool. Not so sure about this one.

    Strange Klout Perk