TV Shows I’d Like to See

America's Got Two and a Half Men Barefoot Contessa Hunters VH1's Top 100 Sexiest Bigfoot Videos It's Always Sunny in the First 48 Monsters Inside Me Real Ghost Hunters of Beverly Hills Property Virgins: Criminal Intent Hillbilly Confidential Agents of South Park Ancient Aliens of Atlanta How I Met Your Moonshiner Man vs. Teen Mom
Fuck the Detroit News

Detroit News? Time to train your telemarketers some manners

At least one of the telemarketers, excuse me, consumer solutions experts that works for the Detroit News is a rude asshole. SOME BACKGROUND In June, a kid came by selling short-term (60-day) subscriptions that would help him through college. We decided to help him out and paid him by check so that the paper would end after two months. It didn't. They kept sending it and we let it pile up. I finally called them and had one of the rudest, most condescending conversations ever. She told me that subscriptions automatically renew without the need for me to approve them.…
I will take up two parking spaces. Deal with it.

I will take up two parking spaces. Deal with it.

This post originally appeared on Medium Thoughts on parking etiquette from an utter douchebag. Fellow Driver, I know I took up two parking spaces leaving you circling the lot like a Perrigine Falcon whose prey has mysteriously escaped. I know you’re probably cursing my name and wishing it was legal to ram my Hummer H2 with the “Take Back America—Tea Party 2012” bumper sticker, but you won’t. I’m counting on it. Why? Because unlike myself, you possess manners—a social skill I am blissfully unaware of. You see, I am what is referred to in the vernacular as a douchebag and…
Funny Bunches of Goats

Rejected Names for Cereals

So this post originally appeared here in 2008, but as I have been going back through older posts, I keep finding horrible spam injections—some of which cannot be removed with out deleting the entire post. This is a shame because some of these posts had dozens of comments. This one had 72 comments, so I am reposting it. Anytime you see a new post that has the tag "repost", you'll know the original was deleted due to spam. Lice Krispies Kellogg's Porn Flakes Frosted Mini Feets Sugar Frosted Aches Ape Nuts Cap'n Chronic Brute Loops Unlucky Harms Funny Bunches of…