28 thoughts on “New Constellations

  1. It was just last night that I was lying there peacefully looking at the stars, when I couldn’t help but wonder………

    Where in the HELL had my roof gone?

    But more importantly and to the point, I mused over the fact that there just may be life on other planets and soon found myself checking for any rogue E.T types in my wardrobe and of course under the bed.

    NOTE: It is a fact that most aliens will try to communicate their views on peaceful co-existence and love, by killing you with an anal probe.

    The last thing you would want, after all, is to be woken up by a small brown creature with a glowing finger.

    Hey, I’m choosy ok.

    So after priming my parameter traps and setting Whitley Strieber to stun, I finally lay down and forgot all about aliens and focused on more earthly matters, like, will there ever be a baby born that can dig really fast and live underground like a mole?

    But, can you imagine my surprise when sometime around two in the morning, I found a strange humanoid LYING RIGHT NEXT TO ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT!

    Holding my nerve I tried to communicate, but the strange figure just turned away and fell into a state I can only describe as catatonic.

    Its skin was a shade of green and it kept mumbling things like “Never again” and “I feel really ill.”

    That’s the last time I let her out drinking with her mates. 😕

  2. P.S Congratulations Jeffrey and Carrie…..now tell me…..is your new addition any good at digging really fast?


  3. It should be noted that the Movable Type constellation charges $10,000 to be viewed from a private dwelling, and $50,000 to be viewed from public facilities.

  4. No mikeB,

    That’s just outside the Vulva constellation near the Great Rings of Clitoria.

    P.S When visiting, be sure to avoid the mighty asteroid P.M.T.

    It orbits this area on a monthly cycle and is impossible to reason with.


  5. Captain’s Log Star Date 30/09/04:

    After the tragic capture of Lt. Crusher by the Nascar Mulletites the crew and I must now head even deeper into the unexplored Cream of Celery region in order to locate our missing comrade.

    A local freighter pilot reported seeing Mr. Crusher being sold as a sex slave to an Ewok chieftan in this very place, almost five long weeks ago.
    I hope in all earnest to see him alive once more and look forward to his safe return.

    So we can all make jokes about him being buggered by Ewoks and finally get the little bastard to leave Starfleet forever.

    Capt. J L Picard
    Starship Enterprise

    P.S This ones dedicated to Rust and Wil Wheaton.:geek:

  6. Episode 2 of “When Ewoks go bad”

    Captain’s Log Star Date 30/09/04:

    I am pleased to report that Lt. Crusher has been rescued and has returned to his duties aboard the Enterprise.

    Due to his silence and the inability to sit down, I must announce that we fear the worst.

    After some time, I approached young Wesley and inquired to his current mental and physical state.

    “My butt really hurts” he replied with tears in his eyes.

    “Rectum” I corrected.

    “Not quiet Captain…..the doctor says the swelling will go down in a year or two and then I can resume my normal duties.”

    “Please go away, you smell like Ewok” I replied.

    Capt. J L Picard
    Starship Enterprise

  7. P.S Ryker made a great joke about Ewoks going where no man had gone before, which has now resulted in all Starfleet uniforms having zippers.


  8. P.P.S I would also like to quash a rumour started by Jordie LaForge that Mr. Crusher is still covered with residue from the Ewoks.

    Although I would normally trust a black guy with a girls hair band for eyes….I feel that I must correctly observe that the phenomenon he is seeing, is in fact from Wesley’s earlier encounter with a group of cross dressing Klingons and a space donkey.


  9. …is in fact from Wesley’s earlier encounter with a group of cross dressing Klingons and a space donkey.
    I heard about that. Apparently it happened in one of the airlocks on the outer dicking — err docking ring at Terok Nor — what we know as DEEP SPACE NINE. From what I heard for months after, they were calling it DEEP SPACE SIXTY-NINE and Weasly was seen reporting to Dr. Bashem with an ingrown asshole.

  10. ReV –

    Stop, yer killing me! I read this in the office and busted out laughing… and it’s hard to explain why I’m reading Davezilla instead of working!


  11. If we made a new zodiac out of this, my birthsign would be the almighty Cream of Celery…
    or Viagra…
    or, better yet, Cream of Viagra…

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