Imaginary post

1. Minnie

   20 November, 2005, 12:18 am

   An American, an Irishman and a Frenchman walk into a bar.

   The bartender has one look at them and asks, “Is this a joke?”

2. Minnie

   20 November, 2005, 12:29 am

   “My god! What happened to you?” the bartender asked Kelly as he hobbled in on a crutch, one arm in a cast.

   “I got in a tiff with Riley.”

   “Riley? He’s just a wee fellow,” the barkeep said, surprised. “He must have had something in his hand.”

   “That he did,” Kelly said. “A shovel it was.”

   “Dear Lord. Didn’t you have anything in your hand?”

   “Aye, that I did; Mrs. Riley’s tit,” Kelly said. “And a beautiful thing it was, but not much use in a fight.”

3. frisko

   20 November, 2005, 12:57 am

   knock knock whos there?
   Orange
   Orange who?
   Orange you glad I didn’t ask another another knock knock joke.

   best I got tonight with others offspring

4. frisko

   20 November, 2005, 12:59 am

   BTW, little girls have been doin’ hot stuff with Ken and Barbie for years. I wish I had a camera then. LOL

5. Kenn

   20 November, 2005, 1:08 am

   A baby seal walks into a club. 😈

6. Spud

   20 November, 2005, 2:07 am

   I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather.
   Not screaming in terror like his passengers.

   Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?
   To see what was on the other side.

   Incest. A game the whole family can play.

   :dead:

7. tinamarie

   20 November, 2005, 2:37 am

   How do you know when a whore is full?

   When it runs out her nose.

8. tinamarie

   20 November, 2005, 2:39 am

   Four potatoes are standing on a street corner. How do you know which one is the prostitute?

   You just look for the one with the label that says I-da-ho! 🙄

9. Dante

   20 November, 2005, 3:02 am

   So the nun says to the midget prostitute, “See just like riding a bike”.

   Oh, we already did that one.

10. Stephanie

    20 November, 2005, 4:54 am

    A woman had heard that midgets were great in the sack so she went up to one and said, “give me 9″ and make it hurt!” So he screwed her 3 times and then punched her in the face! 😀

11. Spud

    20 November, 2005, 5:31 am

    Why did the blonde climb the glass wall?

    To see what was on the other side.

12. Marcus

    20 November, 2005, 6:44 am

    Two hunters are walking in the woods hunting. One falls down and stops breath. The other one calls 911 on his mobile.

    “911 emergency operator can I help you?” operator
    “Yes, I think my friend is dead. What should I do? hunter
    “Make sure he’s dead first.” operator

    silence…. bang

    “Ok, now what.” hunter

13. Marcus

    20 November, 2005, 6:46 am

    One more.

    What do you call a blonde standing on her head?

    A brunette with bad breath.:oops:

14. Marcus

    20 November, 2005, 6:51 am

    Last one.

    Your a photographer in Africa taking pictures of the heads of states from all major countries.
    You taking their pictures with the Congo River as a backdrop. All of a sudden a freak storm comes in and blows everyone in the river. You close enough to save George Bush Jr.

    What question do you ask yourself?

    Color or Black and White?

15. wayne haskell

    20 November, 2005, 8:25 am

    what do you get when you cross a rooster with a telephone poll?

    a twenty foot cock that wants to reach out and touch someone!:wang:

16. rust

    20 November, 2005, 9:27 am

    A magician walks down the street and turns into a restaurant.

17. rust

    20 November, 2005, 9:28 am

    My last girlfriend was known to everyone as “Ozone Layer” —

    every day the hole was getting bigger!

18. Marcus

    20 November, 2005, 10:57 am

    Saw the link. Reminds me of shaving my sister’s Barbie doll’s head and sticking it on the Christmas Tree naked. LOL:lol:

19. Paige

    20 November, 2005, 11:43 am

    What do you get when you cross a parrot with a Rottweiler???? I dont know, but when it talks, you better listen.:grin:

20. Lizzie

    20 November, 2005, 11:54 am

    Why did Bubba cross the road? ‘Cause his :wang: was stuck in the chicken.

21. Pappy

    20 November, 2005, 2:08 pm

    One day two kids were wandering around near a stream. One of the boys wandered off near a bush and the other wandered farther down stream. The boy who was wandering down stream started to get lonely, so he went to find his other friend. When he got to the bush where his friend was, he saw a naked woman and ran away. The boy that was by the bush got curious and ran after him and asked, “Why did you run away?”
    The other boy said, “My mom said that if I were to ever see a naked woman I would turn to stone. Then I felt something get very hard so I ran.”

22. Marcus

    20 November, 2005, 7:25 pm

    Why is George Bush like a blender?
    He makes a lot of noise, but never says anything.:java:

23. Sarah

    20 November, 2005, 10:10 pm

    Why don’t cannibals eat clowns? They taste funny

24. Mistress Lily

    21 November, 2005, 12:04 am

    A Blond, Red head and a Brunette were in the Doctors office. Each one was pregnant and they were talking about how they would know if they were having a boy or a girl.

    The brunette said ” If you do it missionary style, that means your going to have a girl.”

    The read head said,” if you do it on top, that means your going to have a boy. ”

    The blond started to cry histerically. The brunette and red head tried to calm her down to find out what was wrong.

    The blond screamed ” oooooooo, I am going to have puppies!!!”

    I know…bad joke….

25. Mistress Lily

    21 November, 2005, 12:07 am

    Why did they kick Cinderella out of Disney Land?

    They found her sitting on Pinocceo’s (sp) nose screaming ” LIE TO ME!! LIE TO ME!!”

26. Mistress Lily

    21 November, 2005, 12:08 am

    What is invisable and smells like carrots?

    Bunny farts

    Ok…back to my lilly pad to lurk…:razz:

27. H. R. Gerrard

    21 November, 2005, 12:48 am

    What do you get when you have two Egyptians sharing a bowl of beans?
    Two guys with a “Toot in common!”:razz:

28. H. R. Gerrard

    21 November, 2005, 12:53 am

    Did you know that Queen Nefrititi used to make her own perfumes?
    It was said that she really knew how to make a Pharaoh moan!

29. Spud

    21 November, 2005, 1:28 am

    I want to die peacfully in my sleep, just like my grandpapa.
    Not screaming in utter terror like his passengers.

30. Soldier Bob

    21 November, 2005, 2:36 am

    If I had a chicken and you had a donkey and your donkey bit of two of my chickens legs what would you have then.

    Two feet of my cock in your ass.

31. Marcus

    21 November, 2005, 9:14 am

    If I eat spicey food I feel like a dinosaur in the morning.

    A megasoreass.:hurl:

32. MIKE

    21 November, 2005, 10:43 am

    What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground Beef!
    What do you call a hog with no legs?
    Ground Hog!
    What do you call a dog with no legs?
    Nothing, He won’t come to you anyway

33. misskitty

    21 November, 2005, 12:31 pm

    A BLONDE WAS ON A PLANE TO NEW YORK FOR A BUSINESS MEETING, AFTER SOME TIME IN THE AIR THE PASSENGERS FELT A BUMP.THE PILOT SAID NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT WE LOST ONE ENGINE, BUT WE HAVE THREE MORE, WE WILL JUST BE A FEW MINUTES LATE. ANOTHER BUMP AND AGAIN THE PILOT SAID NO WORRIES WE LOST ONE MORE ENGINE , WE STILL HAVE TWO MORE, BUT WE WILL BE ABOUT 30 MINUTES LATE. ANOTHER BUMP, THE PILOT SAID EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT WE LOST OUR 3RD ENGINE AND WE WILL BE ABOUT AN HOUR LATE, THE BLONDE TURNED TO THE PERSON SITTING NEXT TO HER AND SAID – MAN I HOPE WE DON’T LOSE OUR LAST ENGINE OR WE’LL BE UP HERE ALL DAY!:wtf:

34. cody

    21 November, 2005, 2:06 pm

    34. what did they call the first gay dinosaur?
    betchagottasauras

    35. what did they call the first lesbian dinosaur? a lictalotopus

35. secretly_decadent

    21 November, 2005, 3:26 pm

    A blonde and her coworker were talking about their workday when the coworker confessed:

    “I’m having a bad day. I think I’m going to do something crazy so the boss will send me home.”

    In walks the boss and the coworker hops up on the ceiling. The boss asks, “What are you doing?”

    The coworker says, “I’m a lightbulb.”

    To this the boss replays,”You’re acting a little crazy. Why don’t you take the day off?” Out walks the coworker, but the blonde starts grabbing her belongings to leave as well. The boss asks,”Where are you going?”

    “Home,” the blonde says. “I can’t work if the light’s out.”

36. Natasha

    21 November, 2005, 9:36 pm

    How do crazy people find their way through the forest?

    They take the psycho-path.

37. Marcus

    22 November, 2005, 4:36 am

    :grin:Ok, last one, really!!

    A blond walks into a hair salon ask for a haircut. She is wearing headphones and listening to her MP3. She sits down and waits for the Hair stylist. He comes over and upon seeing the headphones …

    “Please remove your headphones.” he asks.

    “I’m sorry I can’t. Can you cut my hair with my headphones on, please?” asks the blond.

    “Okay.” he said

    Next month same thing. She won’t take off the head phones. And then the next month, the next month etc. The hair stylist is getting annoyed. He finally decided to remove her headphones next time.

    He sees come in and sit down in his chair. He walks over to her and removes the headphones. She starts gasping for breath. She stops breathing and dies.

    “What was she listening to?” he thought , so he put on the headphones and heard a man’s voice.

    “Breath in…..Breath out….Breath in….Breath out….”

38. Meme

    22 November, 2005, 10:10 am

    JUST WHEN U THOUGHT IT WAS OVER:kiss::limp::wang:

39. Christall

    22 November, 2005, 11:49 am

    A Husband and wife are in there bedroom and getting ready to make love and in comes their little boy and after a few minutes the young boy asked his parents why they were naked and the dad says its a grown up thing and you need to go to sleep. the boy said a few minutes later Daddy what is the touching mommy and the dad said its my cadillac and the boy said well what are you doing with it> and the father said i’m parking it in Mamma’s garage.. and he sent the boy back to his room.
    a few nights later the boy returns to his parents bedroom and crawled into bed with them.
    the dad says whats wrong son? and the boy replied nothing dad i just wondered if my little pink volswagon would fit in your girlfriends garage until mommy gets home.

40. bo

    22 November, 2005, 1:10 pm

    And a dog walks into a Saloon and asks Hey who shot my Paw?

41. judy

    22 November, 2005, 7:48 pm

    ……and the jokes can go on for days!!!!….

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