Top Ten Migraine Hallucinations

  1. That Halogen high-beams have been stapled to my eyelids
  2. An Ivory Woodpecker has mistaken the left side of my head for an Elm Tree
  3. The pads on my cats’ feet have been fitted with cinder blocks
  4. The sun is now one metre from my window
  5. That all food is made of cardboard, spiced with dryer lint
  6. The neighbour’s vacuum cleaner is louder than front row at a Motorhead concert
  7. Tiger Woods is using my forehead for driving practice
  8. That Comcast’s Internet service has gone out again—no wait, that one’s real
  9. That someone is using a cheese grater on my cerebral cortex
  10. That midget clowns are trying to steal my soul
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Show 20 Comments


  1. Esther

    Here Dave, take two of these (hands over 4 pretty red pills). If in a few minutes, you don’t see a group of rogue ninja bellydancers beating the hell out those midget clowns, then dancing for you and Natalie w/specially made Pete’s Wicked veils, then take 2 more, and call Dr. Caffeine in the morning.:java:

    Hope you’re feeling better, chico.

  2. JFLY

    Welcome back, Dave!!!

    A devil-clown tried taking over your sight while you were gone…but we defended the fort. 🙂

  3. JFLY

    Especially Fran – she kicked ass 👿

  4. Esther

    Fran rocked our pillage and burn world!:kiss:

  5. Kirk

    I only started getting migraines after my last attempt to swallow too many of those pretty pills. (Since then I’ve been diagnosed bipolar and borderline personality disorder…that is probably why I like this site so much!)

    Dave do you also suffer from Microcoulrophobia? (fear of small clowns)

  6. Spud

    My migranes used to consist of 47 large siberian women playing balika’s out of step whilst dancing the theme to the 1812 overture wearing boots made of cast iron.

    Then it used to get nasty.

    The darkness is a friend.


  7. Anna

    :kiss: and make it feel better.

    Do you notice though that it’s those whiny, wimpy guys who are complaining? US strong womanly types don’t have time to complain, we’re tough and macha.

    (Ouchhhhh, while I typed this I broke my fingernail)

  8. Spud

    All men like to be mothered at one point or another Anna.

    Have pity on us poor fools.


  9. JFLY

    I love to mother men…:kiss:

  10. You know, I’m still feeling a bit sick… I may need more belly dancing. 😛

  11. That elephants wearing tap shoes are pacing in the apartment upstairs.

    No, wait, that one is real too.

  12. Having trepanation performed too far to the left, and way too deep.

  13. frisko

    We have a dance group on Davezilla, yea!

  14. Anonymous

    Migraine’s suck – hopefully you don’t get them often.

  15. mikeB

    I need trepanation like I need a hole in the head.

  16. JFLY

    Dave – How about a McBoob deluxe? Want fries with that? LMAO

  17. simoon

    Sorry, Dave. No bellydancing from me, today. Must do taxes!

    (Me, procrastinate???? Nevah!)

  18. Next time you get a migraine you should come over to visit between 3 and 8pm. Just to see what happens.

  19. Nobody messes with Davezilla and limps away unscathed…not if I can help it.:evil:

    Was Tiger Woods wearing his green Masters Jacket while driving a golf ball or driving a Buick on your forehead?

    Just wondering how big your forehead is. 🙄

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