Davezilla.com

Tag: meetings

  • How to sit through an all-day meeting

    1. 8:00AM: Listen attentively. Take fastidious notes that would put a science reporter to shame.
    2. 9:00AM: Tap chin with pen while slightly lifting brows to appear highly engrossed.
    3. 10:00AM: Take a relaxed sidelong glance at the clock for no reason. Notice a thirst developing.
    4. 10:15AM: Finally let out for a 15 minute break. Crack a joke about bladder control with coworker, grab another coffee and cringe when team leader says time’s up.
    5. 11:38PM: Stare incessantly at clock waiting for lunch hour.
    6. 12:00PM: Turn white-faced in horror when team leader announces that we should “really go till 12:30 to get through as much of this as possible before lunch.”
    7. 12:36PM: Vow to murder the catering company who still hasn’t delivered lunch.
    8. 12:41PM: Lunch arrives; cold. Promise to only maim the caterers out in the parking lot and leave them with a pronounced limp.
    9. 2:00PM: Drowsiness sets in. Multiple attempts to prevent eyelid flutter. Unexpectedly interesting sentence snaps you out of it long enough to form a decent question.
    10. 3:00PM: Momentary glance at cell phone. Silly Twitter messages break up boredom.
    11. 4:00PM: Aha! Four already! In the homestretch now.
    12. 4:10PM: Look back up at clock. How can it have only been 10 minutes? It should be 5:00 already.
    13. 4:15PM: Frantic glance back at clock. Begin thinking of after work plans. Prepare excuse to leave right at five for a “previous engagement” since it’s too late in the day for the dental appointment excuse.
    14. 4:16PM: Seriously? One minute? Calm yourself.
    15. 4:22PM: Begin burning holes in the clock with your heat vision.
    16. 4:37PM: Hey! It passed 4:30 and you didn’t even notice. Things should be wrapping up now.
    17. 4:39PM: Any second now.
    18. 4:41PM: Q&A? Dammit! Annoying coworker asks a two-part question to appear important. Apple polisher.
    19. 4:45PM: Dismayed that answer is taking longer than you anticipated. Receive evil glares from coworkers.
    20. 4:58PM: Finally! Begin packing up laptop only to hear annoying coworker ask one more question.
    21. 5:10PM: Stare at coworker in horror as he asks more sub-questions.
    22. 5:12PM: Stand up quickly as speaker finishes answering only to have boss ask everyone to go around and give their opinions and thank yous to the speaker before leaving.
    23. 5:47PM: Faint.