Hate cake

My mother made me a Hate Cake today. I don't know what I did to upset her so, but it must have been bad. This was the meanest Hate Cake I'd ever seen. And I've seen plenty in my time. In place of flour, she'd substituted plaster dust. The cake had three wicked layers—each more revolting than the one below it. Each layer was separated by a thin glacé of duck lard. The bottom layer had a fine dusting of used coffee grounds to add texture and a less than delightful crunch. Layer two was equally appalling. It had a…