Recent Effluvia:

Stop it Bennie. I can’t breathe.

Some days my pug’s gas is both lethal and plentiful. If I don’t finish this post, you’ll kn

30 October, 2013
I finally refreshed the look a bit. Yes, it’s the default Twenty Thirteen theme (with an original photo for the header), but the site needed a kick in the butt. I plan on updating the color scheme when I get time. Next month.

30 October, 2013
You’re Next…

30 October, 2013
Fuck the duck

Is it just me, or does anyone else wish that stupid Aflac duck died from his injuries? I hate those commercials!

30 October, 2013
Pretty much sums up Michigan

29 October, 2013
A taste of … what?

23 August, 2013
It’s a Pee Cake

Saw this at IKEA today

03 August, 2013
Sunset Fail

01 August, 2013
Pet Translation

I just realized that telling my dogs and cats, “I’m going out; be good” is translated in their minds as, “I’ll be gone long enough for you to hide the evidence of whatever you’re planning on destroying.”

22 May, 2013
No time to explain!

15 May, 2013
What Kind of Music Do I Like?

Over the years, I’ve realized that my musical taste boils down to one element that’s proven remarkably accurate: If the singer or musician’s name is “Kenny”, there is a 99% chance I won’t like it.

13 May, 2013
The Best Children’s Song Ever. By Me.

I have absolutely no memory of any children’s song lyrics. I don’t think I ever knew (or cared) what they were when I was a child and now that I am a father, I am resorting to making up lyrics to sing to my girl. I hope I don’t screw her up too badly with my version of Hush, Little Baby:

Hush little baby, don’t smack a nerd,
Papa’s gonna buy you an odd-shaped bird.

If that odd-shaped bird don’t sing,
Papa’s gonna buy you a diamond ring (I remembered this part!)

If that diamond ring don’t shine,
Papa’s gonna buy you a porcupine.

If that porcupine don’t swim,
Papa’s gonna buy you a cat named Jim.

If that cat named Jim don’t fly,
Papa’s gonna buy you a marble pie.

If that marble pie don’t speak,
Papa’s gonna buy you a homeless freak… etc.

Feel free to add new lyrics for this song so it never ends.

24 April, 2013