Fuck the duck
Is it just me, or does anyone else wish that stupid Aflac duck died from his injuries? I hate those commercials!
Pet Translation
I just realized that telling my dogs and cats, "I'm going out; be good" is translated in their minds as, "I'll be gone long enough for you to hide the evidence of whatever you're planning on destroying."
What Kind of Music Do I Like?
Over the years, I've realized that my musical taste boils down to one element that's proven remarkably accurate: If the singer or musician's name is "Kenny", there is a 99% chance I won't like it.
The Best Children’s Song Ever. By Me.
I have absolutely no memory of any children's song lyrics. I don't think I ever knew (or cared) what they were when I was a child and now that I am a father, I am resorting to making up lyrics to sing to my girl. I hope I don't screw her up too badly with my version of Hush, Little Baby: Hush little baby, don't smack a nerd, Papa's gonna buy you an odd-shaped bird. If that odd-shaped bird don't sing, Papa's gonna buy you a diamond ring (I remembered this part!) If that diamond ring don't shine, Papa's gonna…
Is gravity increasing? Or is the photographer shrinking?
Seems to happen every time women cram together for a photo.
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