Chuck Norris

28 October, 2018Posted inObservations
Conversation between any group of males in 1978 “Chuck Norris could beat anyone.” “No way could Chuck Norris beat Bruce Lee.” “Yeah, Bruce Lee ripped the heart from a live cow with one strike.” “And he drank blood.” “And no one to this day, knows how he died.” “Norris got him.”

New Scents for Yankee Candles

19 August, 2018Posted inObservations1 Comment
If Yankee Candles actually smelled like things from the Northern US, the candle scents would change up a bit. Brown SnowdriftHoboken HoboLeftover Pizza in the FridgeWarm IPAOverpriced, Overly-Sweet Cocktail that Looked Good in the Menu, But Wasn’t Women’s’ Room After a ConcertCrushed Black FlyLacrosse CoachMiddle-Eastern Man’s CologneAir from a Hipster’s Bike TireFlint Beach WaterUnion Worker AngstMosquito BloodConey Island Hotdog, Extra OnionsSublime SubwayRustVacation Bible SchoolDetroit Bar MatPanera LemonFear of the South

Skunked

16 August, 2018Posted inObservations
Last night I was almost sprayed by a skunk. It was tiny.  Not much bigger than a baby squirrel, but the sight of its raised tail made me shriek and run away like a scared toddler. What. Me embarrassed? 
SIRI: Did you accidentally summon me?

Siri is the devil

13 March, 2018Posted inObservations
Was just in a client phone conference when SIRI popped up from my AppleWatch with this: SIRI: “Did you accidentally summon me?” ME: “Summon you? What are you, a demon?” SIRI: “Let’s talk about you, David. Not me.” Should I be afraid? I think I should be afraid.

It was 20 years ago today…

28 February, 2018Posted inAnnouncements2 Comments
Twenty years ago today, I quietly launched this little humor blog called Davezilla. It’s now one of the longest running humor blogs on Earth (if not the longest). One thing I am incredibly proud of is the amazing folks I have met through this site. Heroes (to me) like Jeffrey Zeldman, Heather Champ, Jesse James Garrett, Chris Brogan, Sara Evans, Alexis Ohanian, Matt Mullenweg, and too many more to mention. You know who you are. This blog has been featured in Wired multiple times, a book by Yahoo! called Five Years that Influenced the Web, and American Greetings even made…

Call me Treebeard

13 November, 2017Posted inObservations
FOUR YEAR OLD: "You know what would be so cool, Daddy?" ME: "What?" FOUR YEAR OLD: "If instead of a beard, you could grow a tree on your face." THREE YEAR OLD: "That would not be good." ME: "No?" THREE YEAR OLD: "It would be amazing."
People we can safely dislike #26

People we can safely dislike #26

25 July, 2017Posted inFreaks, Observations
People who refuse to include punctuation in email or texts. The guy (it's always a guy) who passes you on the road and then promptly slows down. That lady who refuses to admit she misdialed you… again. Men who wear Crocs with business suits. Young men who think wearing a vest with a porkpie hat makes them jazz musicians. Older women who think wearing loud mumus with oversized glasses makes them artists. People who rasp, wheeze, and smell like a nicotine factory and claim they "quit ten years ago." The cheap bastard who drinks 3/4 of his expensive cocktail before…
Literary Critiques of App Update Messaging

Literary Critiques of App Update Messaging

07 July, 2017Posted inObservations
COMPANY: Adobe UPDATE MESSAGE: Bug fixes REVIEW: Brevity, thy name is Adobe. Such an economy of words that even punctuation was deemed unnecessary. One thrills at the prospect of knowing with certainty that bugs will be fixed, lives will be spared, and hope restored to mankind. COMPANY: Mint UPDATE MESSAGE: Bug fixes. REVIEW: The glove has been dropped, Adobe. Mint has seen your message, called your bluff, and raised it one period. Will it be fisticuffs? Guns at dawn? Swords drawn? History alone will toast the winner. COMPANY: The New Yorker UPDATE MESSAGE: * bug fixes and performance improvement. REVIEW:…