Free idea
Why hasn’t any razor company had the common sense to call their product Occam’s Razors? It’s such a simple and obvious solution.
That Dirty Hill guy
[ picking up my lunch ] CLERK: ZZ Top. ME: Wha? CLERK: You. Your beard. ME: […] CLERK: You look like the ZZ Top guy. ME: I’ve gotten that before, yes. CLERK: Yeah, I bet. That Dirty Hill guy. That’s who you look like. ME: You mean Dusty Hill? CLERK: Whatever it was. Here ya go, ZZ.
Like one does
You know when you wake up from a dream that you were assisting Robert Smith solve a cold case that it will be an interesting day.
My daughter follows the Pope on Twitter
Letting my 10 month-old girl play on my laptop. She manages to call up Pope Francis' Twitter page and turn off the TV.
Shiny Coat
I caught my 10 month-old gnawing on our Pug's Busy Bone. On the plus side, at least she'll have a shiny coat.
Two Shakes of a Lamb’s Tail
How come when someone says, "I'll be there in two shakes of a lamb's tail," it always takes about 45 minutes? Just how big is a lamb's tail?
For the Time Being
When people say, "Oh, it's just for the time being," I freak out. We have Time Beings that demand offerings from us? When did this start? Next thing, you'll be telling me the government is being run by Reptile People.
My fish hate me
Every morning, my fish stare at me, blankly. I always wonder if they are hungry or don't like what I'm wearing.
Comments are fixed
Something was borked on the comments from GD spammers. So that happened. I switched them to Disqus, which allows pretty much any login you want. Your welcome.
Dog penis
Something I thought I'd never have to say, "Honey, please let go of the dog's penis." #babymeme #dadproblems
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