Month: December 2008

2009 New Years Resolutions

As has been the custom on this site since 1994, I am posting my New Years Resolutions. I try to make mine easily attainable so I don’t get down on myself midway through the year. I resolve not to accept a Sloppy Joe from a Maori Cannibal I resolve not to incite our distant cousins—the […]
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Redneck Fire Alarm

Image via David Dunlap
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The End of Christmas
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Caption Time #263
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Worst Gifts to Give Your Boyfriend or Husband

A copy of The Rules Golden Girls Season 1 DVD set Febreze Noticeables Frilly drapes My Little Pony Crystal Rainbow Castle Playset Pink hand tools A coupon for Enzyte A Utilikilt Season tickets to the Detroit Lions (still 0-14, ouch!) What gifts would you avoid?
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Worst Gifts to Give Your Girlfriend or Wife

The Good Wife’s Guide A weight scale The phone numbers of every stripper you’ve ever met A porcupine Instruction and Advice for the Young Bride Manual A mustard sandwich An extension cord, used A box of rust An ultimatum What gifts would you shy away from giving?
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My Crazy Neighbors

OK, well they;re not direct neighbors. I’m a mile south of them. Every year this couple goes a little overboard with the decorating and packs on the weird—even for Royal Oak. Rather than describe it, I’ve recorded it on my cell phone so you too can share in our private hell. This display will be […]
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Caption Time #264
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Things I Learned from Medical Ads

All senior citizen couples live on the beach, are both still living and have a Golden Retriever All women laugh and dance in meadows during their periods Overweight people cannot date or go on vacations until they are on a weight loss medication Erectile dysfunction happens to handsome men who suffer no signs of depression […]
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An Open Letter to All Friend Requests on Facebook

Thank you for trying to add me as a friend because you: read my blog saw me speak at your conference want me to fix your computer want me to link to your blog so you’ll be “popular, real fast” are stalking my girlfriend I’d love to reciprocate, however I have a few prerequisites, so […]
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Caption Time #262
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Definition of a Douchebag
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