Fries with that?

It was the third Wednesday of the month and that meant the department was having its monthly lunch at the Boobatorium. It isn’t really called that. It’s sort of a poor man’s Hooters. The typical sports bar you’d see in any town, except that the waitresses wear less than many swimsuit models. Our waitress’s breasts […]

Story problem

You have two cats. Each cat weighs about 8 pounds. Each cat eats 1/2 pound of dry food per week, Each cat also has its own litterbox with 20 pounds of litter. When you go to change the litterboxes, the litter in each box weighs 38 pounds. How is this possible? viagra free viagra buy […]

Rottweilers, cats and Q-Tips

Last night, the lovely Natalie and I had dinner with the adorably witty Melissa and her charming husband, Logan. Those two are quite a pair and kept us laughing all night. Her retelling of the evening is far better than I could do, so please read her version. She includes an excellent description of our […]

Meet the Americans No. 2

Phyllis Glabstrubber. Phyllis Glabstrubber. American. Bunions are acting up again. The glasses help smelling flowers. Never paying $4.95 for a lousy paperback again. Bra is too tight. Dying for a Virginia Slims 100. Nope, don’t like the Pepsi Clear, either. Call that a dog? Damn kids. Toilet papered the trees again last night. Shoe’s coming […]

Caption Time #45

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Spelling with Flickr

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The first one’s always free

You may be hooked emotionally and psychologically. You may have developed a physical dependence, too. If you’re addicted to Flickr — whether it’s legal or illegal — you have intense cravings for it. You want to use it again and again. When you stop seeing your photostream for even ten minutes, you may have unpleasant […]

The Bruise Fairy

On Saturday, Natalie woke up with a sizable bruise on her inner thigh. I know. I thought the same thing. No. It was one of those phantom bruises that appear on the female anatomy without any discernable cause. Spontaneous Generation? Hardly. There is a much simpler and far more scientific explanation. The Bruise Fairy. He […]

Caption Time #46

Open letter to the heavyset woman next to me on the plane

Dear Heavyset, You sat next to me in the first class section of flight 427 this evening. I wasn’t ruffled when you accidentally dropped your lead-filled carry-on bag on my crotch. I stifled a scream when you dropped your styrofoam cup of scalding decaf on my kneecap. I resisted the urge to break your pinky […]

Note to Self: 5,211

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Complete this sentence #20

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