Woody Allen Style Cliché Contest

Remember how Woody Allen would always mix together clichés in his movies? Me too. To honor that concept, I am having a contest for the best mixed cliché, Woody Allen style. Winner (as judged by you) will get an original cartoon by me mailed to them and the winner gets to pick the subject matter. Anything goes.

Example: “A stitch in time uh… saved nine mothers from uh, inventing a really bad sewing machine.”

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48 Replies to “Woody Allen Style Cliché Contest”

  1. “there’s no point crying over spilt milk, even if it’s the milk of human kindness, because you can still live off the fat of the land”.
    “in sodom and gomorrah Lot’s wife was a pillar of the community but you had to take her with a grain of salt!”
    “the pen is mightier than the sword but his is not the sharpest tool in the shed.”
    “the ends may justify the means but he’s burning the candle at both ends”
    :dead: :java: :dead: :java:

  2. One time I met Woody Allen. I said, “Mr. Allen, I understand every one of your movies.” He said, “Wait, let me get a cup of coffee… OK, now could you please explain them to me?”

  3. French Canadian “I want a pair of toast side by each with des heggs staring me in de eyesand suddenly I am standing beside myself”

  4. – Love comes around while shit happens

    – A rose by any other name, has a silver lining.

    – All good things come to those that walk the mile in another’s shoes.

    – A penny saved is better than two in the bush.

    – Beauty is only darkest before dawn.

    – Pot calling the kettle shall smell just as sweet.

    – There is nothing to fear but the pot of gold.

    – When the pony dies, hear me roar!

    – My cup runneth towards hell and back.

    – When the going gets tough, I want to have my cake and eat it, too.

    Wait, did I say cake? Cake! Mmm… cake.

    Excusez moi. I need some cake.

  5. “Just think of it as the train at the end of the tunnel.”
    “Rome wasn’t built in a day, but who’s to say that pork isn’t a good choice?”
    “A bird in each hand are worth killing with one stone.”
    “They say every cloud has a silver lining, but that’s still no reason for me to leave New York.”

  6. I worked with a ditz who would spout so many malaprops that I’ve forgotten all but the worst.

    My favorite? When she couldn’t find something she said she was…

    ‘Blind in one eye and can’t see straight’

    Others were:

    ‘We should all pull together with many hands and work light’ (should have been ‘many hands make light work’).

    ‘Caught between the rock’ (yea, the hard place was nowhere to be found).

    She also used the word medium instead of median (I drove in the medium of the road), kilt instead of killed (that joke really kilt me), ideal instead of idea (hey, guys, i have a great ideal).

    Yes, she was truly special.

  7. The awesome sand sculptures are from Harrison Hot Springs, BC. The annual contest is coming up this Mothers Day weekend.

    Wish we could go see it in person, some of those sculptures are just incredible!

  8. Watched pot gathers no moss
    Better to give than receive two in the bush
    Handsome is as the cookie crumbles
    The ends justify the harder they fall
    Penny saved never boils
    Bird in the hand and eat it too
    A Rolling stone & his money are soon parted

  9. It takes one to know there’s no such thing as a free lunch
    The grass is always greener with your nose to the grindstone
    Keep your eye on the ball and two in the bush
    It is better to have laughed all the way to the bank than to never have loved at all
    It ain’t over till the fat lady sings with a silver spoon in his mouth
    Time flies when you put off until tomorrow what you can do today
    There’s no place like the other side of the fence
    He who laughs last, laughs Better late than never
    A chain is only as strong as a witch’s tit
    Any friend of yours is worth its weight in gold
    If at first you don’t succeed, all’s well that ends well

  10. A menage a trois (sp?) is better than two in the bush – no, wait, it may be the same thing…..

  11. A menage a trois (sp?) is better than two in the bush – no, wait, it may be the same thing…..

  12. It is better to have laughed all the way to the bank than to never have loved at all

    Pablo … you must have come out better on your divorce than most men. lol

  13. Here we go again:

    Although i was blind, now I see everything but the kitchen sink
    you reap what you sow how do you like them apples?
    mama said there would be days like this cover your backside
    it is better to have loved and lost than to never have beat around the bush
    a picture is worth a thousand words you said a mouthful

  14. I wandered through the hills and came up short on the 18th Maggie.

    Not all S bends have to be filled to the brim, so have another go at filing away the edges.

    There once was a man named Bob, he didn’t have much of a job, all day long he fiddled and flauted until he fell down again.

  15. “There’s an old saying in Tennessee… I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee … that says, fool me once, shame on … shame on you. Fool me … you can’t get fooled again.”

    George W. Bush , 2002.

  16. Thank you SteveC! Now who do I have to fuck around here to get my spanking?! 😈

    it is better to have loved and lost than to never have beat around the bush-You have no idea how I understood this one and I totally agree!

  17. [Comment ID #179817 will be quoted here]

    I’m always :wang: for layin’ down a good spanking. 😈

  18. Yay!
    So will you lay me across your lap or should I just reach for my ankles? Lacy thong, Bare or white cotton panties? I do have a school girl uniform I could wear of course I wouldn’t say no to nudity and bondage…Should I bring my whip or will you be using *ahem* other stuff? 😈 😈 😈

  19. [Comment ID #179829 will be quoted here]

    Now Astryd, for a proper birthday spanking, I’ve got just the place to hang you and your school girl outfit from. 😈 No need to bring your whip, I’ve got a few for you to choose from.

    Reminds me of an old favourite song of mine:
    White ones, black ones, yellow ones, red ones
    Necrophiliacs looking for dead ones
    The greatest of the sadists and the masochists too
    Screaming please hit me and I’ll hit you 😈 😛

  20. Ooh thank you Meagan! Nice one to start with!
    Leather rocks! I’ve got 5 inch Strappy Steel Stiletto heels (*say that 5 times fast*) to match, my favourite!

    SteveC, (shudder…purr…bite the lower lip, slight moan, pursing of the lips…deep inhale…slow exhale, wandering hands… chesire cat grin rest of the day!)
    [must have a vivid imagination to fully enjoy this]Thank you! I LOVE MY BIRTHDAY!

  21. [Comment ID #179866 will be quoted here]

    I’ve got a wild imagination and I do enjoy it as often as possible.

    Feel free to wander to the washroom if you need to relieve a little tension. Think of it as a birthday gift from me.

  22. [Comment ID #179869 will be quoted here]

    And don’t forget to check the video link for today.

  23. Astryd & StevieC, would you like a chatroom to yourselves? There are children here… Wellll… some people who act like it anyway… 😆 😀 😆 😀

  24. Happy birthday, Astryd! May all of your happy wishes (and maybe some REALLY happy ones 😛 as well) come true…

  25. [Comment ID #179882 will be quoted here]

    Just trying to live up to the ‘Clean humour, filthy comments’ mantra. C’mon into the pool, Drusky, the water’s fine!

  26. “Walk the straight and narrow path as the crow flies over spilt milk.”
    “Actions speak slower than molasses.”
    “All work and no play puts all the eggs in one basket”
    “He who laughs last tells no tales”
    i can’t think of any more, i haven’t had coffee yet :java: :dead:

  27. You can’t teach an old dog to live in glass houses.

    Those who live in glass houses have two in the bush.

  28. [Comment ID #179934 will be quoted here]
    I’d jump right in except for that Baby Ruth… 😆
    [Comment ID #179959 will be quoted here]
    Sounds good to me. StevieC can go get that Baby Ruth while we change… 😈

  29. VOTE FOR PABLO – HE NEEDS THE AFFIRMATION !!!!!!

    If at first you don’t succeed, try until the cows come home because a penny saved is a new day dawning. For who amongst us should not walk softly and carry a big baggie for when the shit hits the fan. We should all knuckle under, play it by ear and put a tiger in your tank just the way God intended. I say unto you, it goes without saying just wait till your father gets home because No good deed goes unpunished. Let me bend your ear,
    vote for pablo because it is as plain as the nose on your face all work and no play makes Johnny a dull boy. We all know he talks like he has a mouth full of shit,as sharp as a cafeteria meatball, hotter than a two-dollar whore, looks like she was hit in the head with a bag of nickles and he tickles my funnybone, but he is just like women: can’t live with them, can’t live without them, everybody wants a piece of him. He may be behind now so if we nose to the grindstone we can keep this from going to hell in a handbasket. There’s more than one way to skin a cat and no man is an island. I’ll bet you Dollars to Doughnuts that even though I am as slow as molasses in January and one tomato short of a good spagetti sauce, that the the truth will set you free since there is only slim picking. For greater love hath no man to walk a mile in my shoes while killing two birds with one stone. I say again, spin like a top,go bananas because I’m serious as a heart attack. In conclusion, you’re a gentleman and a scholar, it makes your hair stand on end because a friend in need is a friend indeed and the spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

    I’m not saying junkman lies with dogs you get fleas. Holy cow, you’re barking up the wrong tree and he ain’t all that and a bag of chips. Just maybe he should be hoisted by his own petard and voting for him is like a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle

    I may talk ’till I’m blue in the face. Don’t kill the goose that lays the golden eggs. So if you don’t vote for pablo at the end of the day heads will roll because you are just pissing in the wind. You made your bed, now sleep in it. Damn skippy

  30. Rest assured that if you’d come up with this masterpiece 4 days ago you would have had ALL the votes. (Just a teeny weeny bit of reproach there. You can ignore it.)

    I regret that I have but 1 vote to give to my Pablo.

    Since I’ve already voted for you, you’re shit out of luck with me raising your total, but best of luck to you. I mean who entertains us more than you? Well me, of course, but since I couldn’t come up with anything I’m not even in the running. (I did get one vote for some odd reason ?? Thanks guy/gal.)

    Pimping for votes is somehow sexy coming from you. I don’t know how anyone could resist. (Realistically, you’re probably screwed since we have a lot of guys here.)

    Who loves you? I do!!! What more affirmation do you need? Greedy bastard.

  31. I assure you that if you had posted this masterpiece 4 days ago you would have ALL the votes! (Just a tweeny weeny bit of a reproach there. Ignore it.)

    I regret that I only have but 1 vote for my Pablo. #@%& Dave.

    Since I’ve already cast it for you I can’t do much about increasing your total, but I do wish you good luck. People should simply ask themselves this question. Who has entertained us more than Pablo? Why me, of course, but since I couldn’t think of anything (brain fart) I’m not even in the running. (I’m quite puzzled how I got 2 votes for doing absolutely nothing but hey, thanks guys.)

    You are soooo sexy pimping for votes. I just don’t see how anyhow could resist voting for you for that reason alone. (Realistically, you’re probably screwed on that front since we have a lot of guys here.)

    Who loves you? I do!! How could you need more affirmation than that? Greedy bastard.

  32. Now I know it’s not us when this thing posts twice. I went to another site, came back and it still wasn’t there so I typed it again. Sorry folks … no one should have to read that crap twice! lol

  33. 1. i shine in … um … low self esteem places.
    2. i’m almost certain in my past life i made hats and shoes for court jesters “you know, the one’s with bells.
    3. i’m definitely allergic to pollen and cat dander. and probably tattoo ink too.
    4. i enjoy a good verbal joust between michael kors and any “project runway” smart-ass designer. as a matter of balance, i love a good hockey fight too.
    5. if i ever pierce an ear, it will have to be someone else’s.

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