What I Learned from Movies XIV: Military Movies

  • Holding up a fist will instantly stop an entire army dead in their tracks.
  • Any time bullets are shot at you in slow motion, you can avoid them (in slow motion) by leaning way back until your spine is almost broken. Hover in this position for several seconds until the bullet-time effect has ended.
  • Make a ‘V’ with your index and middle finger. Now point them at your eyes, then your fellow soldiers’ eyes. This alerts them to use vision instead of their sense of smell to navigate streets and tunnels.
  • The enemy can’t smell lit cigars due to their inferior, foreign senses, so by all means, smoke up!
  • After you’ve used up your clip, you can safely throw your weapon to the ground in favor of a handgun. The army doesn’t mind you throwing away M16s. They have thousands more laying about.
  • Covering oneself in mud will drop the body temperature enough to fool aliens and thermographic registers, but won’t cause hydrothermia.

One Reply to “What I Learned from Movies XIV: Military Movies”

  1. Your last tour of duty is the one in which you are most likely to be killed – especially during the last week and even more so if you’re going back to the wife and kids you’ve been missing.

    Nobody ever gets a sword or an axe stuck inside of someone else during battle.

    It’s amazing how the US didn’t learn its lesson and equip its infantry in Afghanistan/Iraq with exploding arrows.

    Bullet tracers never existed in war until the invention of CGI.

    Using your enemies’ ears to make a necklace will strike fear and dread in to all around you, but using them as a broach or (God forbid) matching earrings may lead to ridicule.

    The magazine of a WW2 Thompson sub machine gun carries approximately 473 rounds of ammunition.

    Snipers love to position themselves in high places from which they cannot escape.

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