Top ten ways to annoy your coworkers

  1. Send company layoff emails from their desk while they are away at lunch.
  2. Eat other coworkers’ lunch. Frame your coworker by leaving a trail of crumbs to their desk and put the leftovers in their wastepaper basket.
  3. Piranhas in the water cooler.
  4. Apply for a job with the competition under your coworker’s name and have all correspondence sent to the front desk.
  5. Change their password while they are on vacation. Make no attempt to memorize the new one.
  6. Use up all the ink in their pens and put back in the drawer or pencil holder exactly where they were.
  7. Add a macro to their copy of Excel that types “Our management is incompetent and impotent” to the description of every spreadsheeet.
  8. Show up with a skunk and swear you heard it was “Bring Your Pet to Work Day”. Get upset and taunt the skunk. Yell at it for being, “All your sick idea.”
  9. Order 22 extra large pizzas to your coworker’s desk on your next sick day.
  10. Tell the admin that the guys in the art department were making some amazing fake nudes of her on Photoshop and posting them to Flickr.
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14 Replies to “Top ten ways to annoy your coworkers”

  1. Sounds pretty normal for me! I think you would make an OUTSTANDING co-worker… yeah, out standing in the UNEMPLOYMENT line!

  2. For those who wish to annoy, riddles is that in which you should speak.

    In the memo field of all their checks, write “for sensual massage.”

    Continuously open your briefcase or bag and say into it, “Have you got enough air in there?”

    Vigorous scratching and appropriate relief noises, particularly if you can bare the skin to scratch.

    The messiah complex, wherein you exclaim to anyone who is listening that you are the greatest job title that ever was, but low how they mistreat you. Oh, how sorry they will be when you’re gone. How lonely they will be in the silence of the whining.

    Lick your lips constantly, acting as if doing so is pleasurable.

    You ARE the lord of the dance. Never forget that.

    😈

  3. I hate to admit this, because it is so unseemly and behaviour unbecoming to our charges… but when Randy and I used to work the night shift at the Corporation* (not Mother, nor Ma, but the one with all the “lottery” terminals made by G-Tech) we would (in addition to turning off the HORRIBLE lights to go into SCI-FI mode) have certain … contests … as to who could do best (or worst) at fouling the atmosphere. And usually as noisily as possible.

    * a Crown Corporation — now with a “and Gaming” suffix

  4. Oh, I neglected to mention that we were the bozos who were in charge of the computer “room” — at a time when DEC was King and IBM was Blue, and VAXen were boxen. I am sure there are still some comfy chairs left with certain — “skid” — marks.

  5. A Rough Guide to Mobbing:

    Step One: Choose the victim in your office. Let’s call her Maria.
    Step Two: Send an e-mail to everyone else in the office saying the following:

    “I would just like to clarify that I never said that Maria was a defensive person. Whoever accused me of saying that Maria was a defensive person is lying and owes us both an apology.”

    So everyone in the office automatically thinks of Maria as defensive without her knowing and if she finds out, well all her confusion, hurt feelings and denying her defensiveness will just make her seem – well – more defensive. Can’t lose.

  6. Eat Pringles potato chips directly off the lab counter top next to the dog fecal exams you’re mixing up…the week after I ate a piece of blueberry pie you made at home.*

    take home message: exhibit unsafe food handling practices and bake goodies for your coworkers

    *True story…bleh! 😕

  7. I did this to a coworker a long time… (very nerdy)

    While he was at lunch…

    I went into each of the shortcuts on his desktop and changed the targeted function.

    For example: He would click on the Internet Explorer and photoshop would open. He would like on Microsoft Word and his print que would open.

    Ahhh good times. 😈

  8. Too mesmerized by the Octo:wang: to care about coworkers. I wonder if it comes with one of those little pieces of paper “This product inspected by Mary”

  9. Every time someone looks at you, jump and say “WHAT!”
    Chew with your mouth open during lunch. (I have a co-worker who does this and it really does annoy everyone.)

    I’m seriously going to have to do the pen thing and the computer thing.

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