Top Reasons to Vote for Davezilla Instead

If elected, I promise to:

  1. Force all road construction to occur during the hours of 3 and 5 AM. By 5:30 AM, all evidence of construction must be hidden
  2. Prevent Kevin Costner from making any more turkeys like WaterWorld
  3. Illegalize the term ‘maverick’
  4. Allow voting from the PS3, N360, X-Box, WII and Twitter
  5. Mandatory driving tests once you turn 65. Take that, AARP!
  6. Politicians (or CEOs) who make ridiculous comments (like being able to see Russia from an Alaska office) will be forced to take elementary school lessons (televised), which will be then graded by elementary school children
  7. John Stewart becomes Secretary of State
  8. Kittens everywhere. Violators will be forced to eat Cheez Whiz with every meal. And no, allergies are no excuse. Man up, ya Nancy
  9. Zilla Girls!
  10. Why else should America vote for me?

42 Replies to “Top Reasons to Vote for Davezilla Instead”

  1. Coz you have proved to us time and again that you get the job done: always at the right place at the right time with the right camera! “photos we can believe in” or “photos we need”

  2. MIRKA VOTES 2008! I have a dream ! (and thanks to Dave the dreams are full of weird pictures and comments, but always end well with a slide show of Z-gills)

  3. Vote for me! I promise to lower taxes, improve health care funding, improve education funding, bring back the troops! I’ll bring a new prosperity. A car in every pot and a chicken in every garage… er…. something like that.

  4. Is there something you do with Hoover that you want to share Timm?

    I’ll vote for you Dave, if only because of the Zilla girl reference, that’s enough for me. But hey, I’m easy, buy me a coffee and I’m yours for an hour, um, no not you Dave, one of the Zilla girls I was thinking about.

    Damn, I think I dug a hole. Anybody got a ladder, anybody?

    πŸ˜€

  5. 11. Quadruple the taxes on reality show production. Open libraries with the money.

    12. Make it law that all gambling machines can only be powered by an attached bicycle dynamo. That way those obese casino visitors might lose a few pounds along with their life savings.

    13. Any CEO of a financial institution who loses tons of money through reckless investment must by law go and work for Amway or Herbal Life. One year of work per billion lost. Maybe that way they can learn to recognize a shitty pyramid scheme when they see one.

    14. The death penalty for anyone who wears sunglasses at night or snaps their gum.

    15. Return Cheney to his tomb. To Hell with the curse.

  6. A vote for Dave is a vote for Dave.
    Dave will cut the crap
    Dave will give us more Zilla girls
    Dave will eliminate all colors of black and brown
    Dave will eliminate all dogs except the good kind
    Dave will get more zilla girl avatars

  7. could mandy be the vice president? could we just give her the $150,000.00 and have her wear no clothes? could meagan be secretary of defense and spank the evil doers? could annieb be secretary of state, bitch slap condi on the way out and then straighten up this fuct up world with her straight shooting common sense. could nicolette run the new health care system. i need to see her in a nurse outfit. dave there are really so many positions that need to be filled ❗

  8. The immediate making of a Davezilla Fashion Police squad to be made up of all us Zilla-Girls! Anyone found to be violating fashion law will be immediatly remanded to Mandy’s Dungeon! πŸ˜‰

  9. [quote comment=”478920″]Is there something you do with Hoover that you want to share Timm?

    I’ll vote for you Dave, if only because of the Zilla girl reference, that’s enough for me. But hey, I’m easy, buy me a coffee and I’m yours for an hour, um, no not you Dave, one of the Zilla girls I was thinking about.

    Damn, I think I dug a hole. Anybody got a ladder, anybody?

    :D[/quote]

    LOL @ the Hoover quip to Timm… but really, doesn’t every man have a Hoover-related story?

    Here, grab my hand and I’ll pull you out, I promise!

    … you are familiar with the whole Charlie Brown/Lucy concept of trust, right? πŸ˜›

  10. [quote comment=”479145″]could mandy be the vice president? could we just give her the $150,000.00 and have her wear no clothes? could meagan be secretary of defense and spank the evil doers? could annieb be secretary of state, bitch slap condi on the way out and then straighten up this fuct up world with her straight shooting common sense. could nicolette run the new health care system. i need to see her in a nurse outfit. dave there are really so many positions that need to be filled :!:[/quote]

    junkman, I think you’d be a great Secretary of Homeland Security. With your brilliant attention to detail, you’d scrutinize those motherfuckers so thoroughly they wouldn’t think of stepping foot in our country!

  11. [quote comment=”479160″][quote comment=”478920″]Is there something you do with Hoover that you want to share Timm?

    I’ll vote for you Dave, if only because of the Zilla girl reference, that’s enough for me. But hey, I’m easy, buy me a coffee and I’m yours for an hour, um, no not you Dave, one of the Zilla girls I was thinking about.

    Damn, I think I dug a hole. Anybody got a ladder, anybody?

    :D[/quote]
    moment you said “i promise” i had a major flash of that Charlie B about swinging and missing that ball! i swear!
    LOL @ the Hoover quip to Timm… but really, doesn’t every man have a Hoover-related story?

    Here, grab my hand and I’ll pull you out, I promise!

    … you are familiar with the whole Charlie Brown/Lucy concept of trust, right?

    :P[/quote]
    πŸ˜€

  12. [quote comment=”479232″][quote comment=”479160″][quote comment=”478920″]Is there something you do with Hoover that you want to share Timm?

    I’ll vote for you Dave, if only because of the Zilla girl reference, that’s enough for me. But hey, I’m easy, buy me a coffee and I’m yours for an hour, um, no not you Dave, one of the Zilla girls I was thinking about.

    Damn, I think I dug a hole. Anybody got a ladder, anybody?

    :D[/quote]
    moment you said “i promise” i had a major flash of that Charlie B about swinging and missing that ball! i swear!
    LOL @ the Hoover quip to Timm… but really, doesn’t every man have a Hoover-related story?

    Here, grab my hand and I’ll pull you out, I promise!

    … you are familiar with the whole Charlie Brown/Lucy concept of trust, right?

    :P[/quote]
    :D[/quote]
    OK that just went crazy in there! my quip was swallowed whole by the thing and now it’s embedded in there πŸ˜• 😯 ❗

  13. hey annieb….i might prefer to head up the department of “the interior” if you know what i mean. πŸ˜‰

  14. [quote comment=”479434″]hey annieb….i might prefer to head up the department of “the interior” if you know what i mean. ;)[/quote]
    although like you said annie, with homeland security i could scrutinize all cracks, openings and crannies that are vulnerable to penetration from below and above. i’m torn but ready to serve in any position.

  15. bcuz you would shoot any and all politican, ceo’s of banks, financal instutions, petrolum compnies and insurance companies that make more then $50.00 a year in pay, benifits, stock shares and options. And if you wont do it, I guess we’ll just recall your ass.

  16. [quote comment=”479434″]hey annieb….i might prefer to head up the department of “the interior” if you know what i mean. ;)[/quote]

    I never could figure that one out. The department in charge of everything outdoors and they name it with a word that normally refers to inside.

    I want to be in charge of Transportation.

  17. [quote comment=”479160″]

    LOL @ the Hoover quip to Timm… but really, doesn’t every man have a Hoover-related story?

    Here, grab my hand and I’ll pull you out, I promise!

    … you are familiar with the whole Charlie Brown/Lucy concept of trust, right?

    :P[/quote]

    Thanks AnnieB, I’d trust you anytime anywhere, yep yep yep, *sigh* just like Charlie Brown I’d never give up on you! πŸ˜€

    ➑ ➑ ➑ ❗ πŸ˜• 😯 πŸ™„

  18. #7 and #9 got my vote. As for Cheez Whiz, I LOVE that stuff. Whatever the hell it is… I want Cheez Whiz everywhere instead of kittens (allergies man).

  19. I am voting for you because you promote humor.
    Easy, peasy.

    I do wish you’d have gotten on the Costner thing
    earlier, though — a quick check in IMDb shows the
    guy has made 15 movies since Water World, and
    probably not one of them would be worth the
    match to light the film…

  20. [quote comment=”479238″][quote comment=”479232″][quote comment=”479160″][quote comment=”478920″]Is there something you do with Hoover that you want to share Timm?

    I’ll vote for you Dave, if only because of the Zilla girl reference, that’s enough for me. But hey, I’m easy, buy me a coffee and I’m yours for an hour, um, no not you Dave, one of the Zilla girls I was thinking about.

    Damn, I think I dug a hole. Anybody got a ladder, anybody?

    :D[/quote]
    moment you said “i promise” i had a major flash of that Charlie B about swinging and missing that ball! i swear!
    LOL @ the Hoover quip to Timm… but really, doesn’t every man have a Hoover-related story?

    Here, grab my hand and I’ll pull you out, I promise!

    … you are familiar with the whole Charlie Brown/Lucy concept of trust, right?

    :P[/quote]
    :D[/quote]
    OK that just went crazy in there! my quip was swallowed whole by the thing and now it’s embedded in there πŸ˜• 😯 :!:[/quote]

    As far as the Hoover stories go, I used to repair vaccuums and I remember the teenager who brought in his parents Eureka and was frantically asking if I could take apart the thing and remove the comdom that wrapped itself around the rotating brush and started smoking. He kept skirting the issue of how it got there. By the way, in the trade, the rotating brush is commonly called a ‘beater bar’…

  21. [quote comment=”479145″]could mandy be the vice president? could we just give her the $150,000.00 and have her wear no clothes? could meagan be secretary of defense and spank the evil doers? could annieb be secretary of state, bitch slap condi on the way out and then straighten up this fuct up world with her straight shooting common sense. could nicolette run the new health care system. i need to see her in a nurse outfit. dave there are really so many positions that need to be filled :!:[/quote]

    Whip, spank, zap, I’ll do what it takes to take down the terrorists! 😈

  22. [quote comment=”479524″][quote comment=”479434″]hey annieb….i might prefer to head up the department of “the interior” if you know what i mean. ;)[/quote]

    I never could figure that one out. The department in charge of everything outdoors and they name it with a word that normally refers to inside.

    I want to be in charge of Transportation.[/quote]

    Oh, and we all know you can ‘drive’. Fast, slow, hard…. Damn Where’s the “wang” icon????

  23. “As far as the Hoover stories go, I used to repair vaccuums and I remember the teenager who brought in his parents Eureka and was frantically asking if I could take apart the thing and remove the comdom that wrapped itself around the rotating brush and started smoking. He kept skirting the issue of how it got there. By the way, in the trade, the rotating brush is commonly called a β€˜beater bar’…”

    Drusky, my question is… why in the world did he think he needed a condom? For neatness?

    Dave, now that the election’s over with and you have time on your hands could you please give us back our fucking icons?

    Hey, now there’s an idea… a “fucking” icon! :sticking my tongue out at you:

  24. [quote comment=”481694″]So …. the election is over. Well, America, you know what they say …. once you go black ….[/quote]

    They also say Be careful what you wish for…

  25. [quote comment=”481694″]So …. the election is over. Well, America, you know what they say …. once you go black ….[/quote]
    …..you never go back to stupid, redneck, religious sonsabitches that like blowing shit up, war mongering, killing hundreds of thousands of people because of faulty intelligence, cronyism, economic fuck ups that lie, cheat steal and hate for no good reason other than to smirk at the rest of the world because they have all the power and the smallest penis. is that the way that saying goes πŸ‘Ώ

  26. [quote comment=”481764″][quote comment=”481694″]So …. the election is over. Well, America, you know what they say …. once you go black ….[/quote]

    They also say Be careful what you wish for…[/quote]

    Or Beat me, whip me, make me write bad cheques. Oh wait, that’s just Meagan’s clients.

  27. [quote comment=”480493″][quote comment=”479524″][quote comment=”479434″]hey annieb….i might prefer to head up the department of “the interior” if you know what i mean. ;)[/quote]

    I never could figure that one out. The department in charge of everything outdoors and they name it with a word that normally refers to inside.

    I want to be in charge of Transportation.[/quote]

    Oh, and we all know you can ‘drive’. Fast, slow, hard…. Damn Where’s the “wang” icon????[/quote]

    You should have been around for the road trips! Like this one ….
    http://www.davezilla.com/2007/03/06/to-hell-and-back/

  28. [quote comment=”479145″]could mandy be the vice president? could we just give her the $150,000.00 and have her wear no clothes? could meagan be secretary of defense and spank the evil doers? could annieb be secretary of state, bitch slap condi on the way out and then straighten up this fuct up world with her straight shooting common sense. could nicolette run the new health care system. i need to see her in a nurse outfit. dave there are really so many positions that need to be filled :!:[/quote]

    i promise to go commando (you know, for the troops), fill positions (unless they involve pain), and show america why they call her the first lady. πŸ˜‰

  29. [quote comment=”482196″][quote comment=”479145″]could mandy be the vice president? could we just give her the $150,000.00 and have her wear no clothes? could meagan be secretary of defense and spank the evil doers? could annieb be secretary of state, bitch slap condi on the way out and then straighten up this fuct up world with her straight shooting common sense. could nicolette run the new health care system. i need to see her in a nurse outfit. dave there are really so many positions that need to be filled :!:[/quote]

    i promise to go commando (you know, for the troops), fill positions (unless they involve pain), and show america why they call her the first lady. ;)[/quote]

    Excuse me, I’ll be back in a minute…

  30. [quote comment=”482513″][quote comment=”482375″]
    Excuse me, I’ll be back in a minute…[/quote]
    need a hand?? ;)[/quote]
    That is seriously the best offer I’ve had all day…A hand or anything else you’d care to offer…

  31. [quote comment=”481781″][quote comment=”481764″][quote comment=”481694″]So …. the election is over. Well, America, you know what they say …. once you go black ….[/quote]

    They also say Be careful what you wish for…[/quote]

    Or Beat me, whip me, make me write bad cheques. Oh wait, that’s just Meagan’s clients.[/quote]

    I don’t take cheques. Just cash or credit. :mrgreen:

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