Things to avoid saying on a first date

  1. “Look! I Photoshopped what our future kids will look like.”
  2. “Is it OK if my little brother films us?”
  3. “Even if you don’t put out, I’m telling everyone you did.”
  4. “You’d better chew on this wolfbane, and here, tie this pelt about your loins. It’s … just a precaution.”
  5. “Ever done it with a real clown before?
  6. “I’m severely lactose-intolerant, but I was craving dairy and had a half gallon of milk right before you showed up.”
  7. “I have some Mexicans … um Mexican products in my trunk to drop off first.”
  8. “I have fantasies about Dick Cheney.”
  9. “I’ve always fantasized about robbing a bank on a first date. Haven’t you?”
  10. “Would you like to lose weight with 29 other people?”
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50 Replies to “Things to avoid saying on a first date”

  1. Do you think my bum is too hairy?

    Could you hold my dentures for a sec, thanks, ta.

    I just have to stop in and see my parole officer for a moment…

    :geek:

  2. My sinuses are messed up, could you smell this for me?
    In my day, twist and shout meant something else. 😈
    Do you wax?
    Spit or swallow?

  3. (While driving) “Hold my beer. I saw this done on a movie one time. Watch this, I’m gonna try something”. :wtf:

  4. “I believe humans are slaves to aliens put on earth to harvest gold.”

    Yah, that one really happened. I can’t make up stuff that good.

  5. Father Bill said this alter boy reunion party would be a religious experience for him. We should have a blast!

  6. – Have you said hello to my hairpiece yet? SAY HELLO TO MY HAIRPIECE!!!!!

    – So, do you think after we’re married you’ll be able to support my crack addiction?

    – I love dogs. Especially in salads.

    – (Looking at watch) Darn, they’ve already shaved the goat, but if we hurry, we can still attend the ritual.

    – (When picking her up) Ha Ha! I know where you live now!

    – Take a look at this rash and tell me what you think.

    – So… ever been in a drug-induced coma for more than a month? Oh, there’s nothing like it!

    – You realize that if I have to pay for dinner, you have to put out, right?

  7. – I’m really looking forward to tonight, usually I have to pay $50 for a blowjob.

    – Wanna [email protected]#k, and get it over with now? (that really happened, first words out of his mouth)

    – Any sentence that starts with, “Once we get married…” or “Once we move in together…”

    – I can’t wait for you to meet the other wives, I think they’ll really like you.

  8. My ex will be sitting at the table next to us. Be sure to tell keep complimenting how good I look loud enough for her to hear. Oh, and you should put your hair up. She always wears her up. It looks awesome that way.

    :dead:

  9. “So this one time, I walked into a store and found the wedding dress of my dreams and I bought it right away. Shall I model it for you?”

  10. – do these pants make me look phat?
    – how long until your husband is due back from work?
    – this gal right cheer is my sister..err uhh…no my cousin…no uhh my wife? OH hell, I can’t remember but I just know you’ll get along right fine!
    – You can move in with my mom and me and share our bed together as one big happy family.
    – Do you like fava beans and cianti with your liver too?
    – You’re pretty and all but my dream girl in life is a midget with a flat head and no front teeth. NEXT!

  11. Can you wait a couple of minutes while I drop by the pharmacy? I’m all out of condoms…

    I just thought you should know that I have a slight — FUCK YOU! — problem with my Tourette — UP YOUR ASS! — Syndrome.

    My mom wants to know if you know of any good places to pick up guys…

    I want you to know that I’m not a homosexual. I just like wearing a bra and panties on dates.

  12. ” Man! My balls itch something terrible.”

    “pull my finger.”

    “How you doin’ ” in your best joey voice.

  13. “How long have you been on your job” …….. “That’s good, well how do you feel about co-signing”

    “So how long is your :wang:. In inches I mean?”……..”What!!!”

  14. “Do you mind if we go by the pool hall? I just gotta show the guys that I finally got a real girl on a date!”

    Also, sadly, true.

  15. hold on i need to call my mother she gets wored if i’m late ( true story)
    duck my polrole offecer might see you (same date)
    hey are we goting to f-ck or did i just wast an evening (end of date) :puke:

  16. “Is it ok if we eat off of each other’s plate?”

    “Something in this car really smells like poontang.”

    “The last date I had, Jimmy Carter was in office.”

    “I’ve gotta dildo in the glove compartment.”

    “Actually, Gacey was a sweet clown.”

    “I like to give tongue on the first date.”

    “I already have an internet shrine page devouted to you. It’s called, WHY I LOVE SANDY!!1!”

    “If I clipped my toes nails, would you be cool with that?”

    ❓ ❓ ❓ ❗

  17. I hope you weren’t planning on scoring on the first date or anythings. See, I just got over the crabs, and everything is sensitive down there. Sorry. :wtf:

  18. 1: “Is this the biggest :wang: you’ve ever seen or what!”
    2: “You’ve probably heard some guys say that 69 is their favorite number. Mine’s the number 10, because there is a stick and a hole to go in.”
    3: “Don’t worry, I’ve seen The Fonz do it many times.”
    4: “Could you help me out; in high school, they voted me least likely to get laid in my entire life, so far they were right. Could you help change that?”
    5: “You remind me of my ex.”
    6: “Can I tell the DJ to play Y.M.C.A.?”
    7: “How big are your :boob: :boob:?”
    8: See #5—“You remind me of my cousin.”(Not a bad thing in Kentucky by what I understand)
    9: “The closest I’ve ever come to getting laid is when the box of Lays Potato Chips about fell on me the other day.”
    10: “You’re the only woman that I know that can turn my :limp: into :wang:, other than dear ol’ ma.”

    Those of you offended by any of these, I’m sorry. Those of you that want to complain about it, I have no problem sending my evil were-rabbits of doom to deal with you in their own special way.
    Remember that’s EVIL WERE_RABBITS OF DOOOOOOOOOOOM!!!!!!!!
    And for all intents and purposes, you can add this ranting to the list above as #11!

  19. “I’ve this bad itch. What? With you fingers? No, use this screwdriver, it’s the only thing that works.”

  20. I suffer from Paranoid Delusional Pyscosis; my doctor says everyone has it, but they don’t know it, so don’t be alarmed if I duck or pull you into an alley occasionally, OK!!!!!!

  21. So, would you like to watch me and my best friend go at it. (OH. Wait a minute. This is about what men DONT want to hear on a first date, isnt it??) Ok. would you like to watch me and your best friend go at it???? :wang: :boob:

  22. [Comment ID #17326 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Paige, I think men would more like to hear, “Would you like to join me best friend and I!” And further more for the second half, what if the guy’s best friend was a woman, not so bad after all.

Comments are closed.