Things I Learned from Medical Ads

  1. All old folks look and act like thisAll senior citizen couples live on the beach, are both still living and have a Golden Retriever
  2. All women laugh and dance in meadows during their periods
  3. Overweight people cannot date or go on vacations until they are on a weight loss medication
  4. Erectile dysfunction happens to handsome men who suffer no signs of depression over it, in fact, they seem downright happy about it
  5. The side effects of drugs are generally worse than the condition they purport to cure or control
  6. You can get drugs for conditions you didn’t know required drugs
  7. Women frequently discuss tampons while swinging on swingsets, during tea parties or in trendy New York nightclubs
  8. Acne medications transform near-lepers into super models
  9. Tooth whiteners give you perfectly straight, even teeth with no chips or gaps
  10. Whjat have you learned from medical advertisements?

24 Replies to “Things I Learned from Medical Ads”

  1. [quote comment=”579690″]If i get an erection that last longer than 4 hours I should call my doctor…LOL[/quote]
    Wait. Doesn’t everyone get those? 😈

  2. If I take meds for E.D. I need to stop if my sight gets blurry or if I get dizzy. Mom always did say to much beatn off would cause blindness, now they have meds to help. I can’t win.

  3. 11. “If you have an erection that lasts longer than four hours you should call your doctor”. LIKE HELL! If I have an erection that lasts longer than four hours, I’m calling my local escort service. Maybe I could get in a little extra work, earn some Christmas cash.
    12. I’ve learned my house is plumbed incorrectly. My bathtub should be OUTSIDE, and I only have one instead of two side by side.
    13. I’ve learned I’m not supposed to tell my doctor what symptoms I have, I’m supposed to ask him if ___ is right for me and let him figure it out. Who knew?
    14. Christmas, Hannakah, Kwanzaa, Solstice- to whatever being you give thanks, whatever season you celebrate, I wish only the best to all my fellow Zillafreaks and freakettes.

  4. I’ve learned getting old sucks. Your body turns on you. So…Party ON!!!

    Hope the holidays (Christmas in my case) find you all in good cheer and HEALTHY!!! :love:

  5. That whatever is ailing me I don’t need the drugs bad enough if I am going to experience anal sepage :puke:

  6. I’ve learned the sexiest thing in the world in to take a bath with your sig other … in separate bathtubs… outside! How many people really do that though? How many side-by-side bathtubs do you see on decks facing bodies of water? None. This is just another example of advertising propaganda. Sigh! I wish I was in advertising. I wanna the world, too! But I’m not, so I’m stuck with making smartass comments on the Internet.

  7. I’ve learned that everone in the country but me can call his doctor on the phone
    and get him right away. Try that with my doctor! :wtf: 👿 😛 🙄

  8. Oh, I learned that we women talk about: little finger vibrators in the middle of busy restraunts, birth control in cool night clubs, and tampons at the park. Oh, and guys walk around the street with their girls telling people with a camera that they have a smallllll penis. 😯

  9. If you have an erection that lasts for more than 4 hours, forget the doctor come and see me. (I wonder what happens if a woman takes viagra??)

  10. [quote comment=”580712″]Two words Anal Leakage.[/quote]
    This is the technical medical term for what is most commonly known as advertising.

    Concept gives me restless leg syndrome.

  11. [quote comment=”582773″]I’ve learned that once you lose a whole bunch of weight, all you do is walk around in a bikini. Sounds like fun to me! :P[/quote]
    pix pls or gtfo! 😛

  12. I learn from those ads that when you are a senior citizen, life is gay, merry, fun, sunny skies and no worries!

  13. My husband always said if he got an erection that lasted for four hours he was going to take a picture of it to prove it happened.

  14. [quote comment=”580711″]If you have an erection that lasts for more than 4 hours, forget the doctor come and see me. (I wonder what happens if a woman takes viagra??)[/quote]

    Got no need for Viagra for that hun, tell me when and where……

  15. Here is one I heard last night:

    Common side effects are runny nose, dizziness and decrease in semen. :limp:

  16. I learned to enjoy watching some other programming while I DVR the evening newscasts – so that I can replay-watch the news as soon as it goes off-air so that I get to Fast-Forward through the newscasts’ annoying, depressing, yet utterly phonily-pictured drugs’ spots. And oh, yah, I also get to Fast-Forward through the media’s endlessly saccharine fuzzy puppy stories which do NOT QUALIFTY to be news.

    Oh, the other things I’ve leared from drug spots are: 1) no black person (or African-American persyn) ever speaks any dialect but Standard English; 2) no Latino/Latina person, regardless of how long it’s been since they immigrated to the U.S., ever speaks in any dialect except Standard English (except, of course, on the Spanish language stations); 3) no Oriental (excuse me, Asian) person, regardless of how long it’s been since they immigrated to the U.S., ever speaks any dialect except Standard English; 4) not one spot has ever depicted a Mohammedan woman giving the drug spiel – something to do with the lack of telegenic appeal of a woman hiding behind or beneath a hijab, burqua, niqab, veil, babushka, or what have you; 5) regardless of its ubiquity among the population in the states in which medical marijuana is available, on the newscasts in those states you see no marijuana spots; 6) Nancy Pelosi still looks eternally and hideously startled or surprised; 7) an apple a day does not pre-empt the drug ads each day; 8) the food pyramid has, since I was a child in the 50’s, morphed several times, probably at great taxpayer expense to employ and pension thousands of Government Nutritionist Bureaucrat Doctors, Lab Technicians, and Administrators whose sole job description is to think up new ways to revise the food pyramid, to a point at which it’s now beyond recognition – and that the food pyramid has, in the last two decades, changed so often and so fast that every other day you suddenly learn that the food that was good for you yesterday is going to either require you to take one or several of the drugs you see in the drug spots, or kill you outright today; 9) oil companies are concerned, transparent, praiseworthy champions of Gaia’s health and welfare; 10) no matter how many times you set the VOLUME LEVELLING buttons and sliders and other such useless panic buttons on your TV and cable-service remotes, commercials’ volume still blasts your f-ing ears out (thus causing many senior viewers to have to grope frantically for their nitroglycerine tablets; but it must be said that viewers who cannot hear the commercials’ audio are thus made aware, as an inadvertent public service of television and cable stations, that they suffer serious ear wax buildup) and wakes up the kids, the dog, and the neighbors in the next apartment, the next building, and in the next county.

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