Things I don’t understand:

  1. Why coffee isn’t an essential food group.
  2. Why all sitcom fathers are bumbling idiots.
  3. Why on commercials, when a family sits down for dinner, everyone nods in unison.
  4. Why talentless mouthbreathers like Paulie Shore, Carrot Top, Jessica Simpson and Starr Jones continue to get contracts to be in front of a camera.
  5. Why most of the Midwest still dresses like it’s 1987.
  6. Why none of Donald Trump’s assistants have the balls to tell him how bad his toupée looks.
  7. Why most women begin collecting Hummel figurines as soon as they turn 50.
  8. Why I am still getting three copies of GQ and Maxim every month.
  9. Why the most irritating commercials often air twice in a row.
  10. Why Tony Danza still has a show.

41 Replies to “Things I don’t understand:”

    • Why prostitution is illegal.
    • Why God, in his infinite wisdom, decided to bequeath man an appendix.
    • Why Jay Leno got The Tonight Show instead of David Letterman.
    • Why that poor giant squid had to lose 11 feet of tentatcle, just so we could capture him on video.
    • Why Jodie Foster in Flightplan looks a little too much like Michael Jackson (or is it the other way around?).
  1. Why coffee isn’t an essential food group.
    🙄 Because it’s enjoyable?

    Why all sitcom fathers are bumbling idiots.
    :roll:Because that’s all that’s politically correct otherwise it would show sitcom mothers up to be what they are …….. totally stupid

    Why on commercials, when a family sits down for dinner, everyone nods in unison.
    😀 Because saying Grace is not allowed in our seperation of State and Church…not like the old days where thankfulness and respect were naturally shown. By the way……is it now politically correct to have THANKSGIVING DAY? WHO or who, are we thanking?

    Why talentless mouthbreathers like Paulie Shore, Carrot Top, Jessica Simpson and Starr Jones continue to get contracts to be in front of a camera.
    🙁 Because nobody else is around to stand there………Talent is a rare commodity

    Why most of the Midwest still dresses like it’s 1987.
    :wtf: Haven’t you heard of the economic downturn…….St Vincent De Paul’s biggest stores are out there

    Why none of Donald Trump’s assistants have the balls to tell him how bad his toupée looks.
    :wtf: ‘Cos that takes guts and they want to keep their jobs……after all “You’re fired” is his favourite expression

    Why most women begin collecting Hummel figurines as soon as they turn 50.
    😕 Have you seen the average woman of 50+ nowadays? What else they gonna collect? Men?

    Why I am still getting three copies of GQ and Maxim every month.
    :boobs::boobs: ‘cos they’ve not figured out your a woman yet

    Why the most irritating commercials often air twice in a row.
    😕 It’s called ‘aversion therapy’ ……. if they annoy you enough you’ll buy the product, their sales will go up …… they’ll get excited and make a new ad

    Why Tony Danza still has a show
    🙄 Does he?

  2. How Tyra Banks got a talk show…:roll: You’re right Garth, coffee, cookies, donuts..anything that is enjoyable is not a part of the food pyramid. Who do I complain to?

  3. On #4, you forgot the biggest talentless hacks around:

    Joan and Melissa Rivers, but mostly Joan. Ick.

    *long time reader, first time commenter* Back to lurking now. 😀

  4. Why Melanie Griffith’s upper lip took on a life of its own.

    Why annoying people think they have a purpose.

    Why anything that includes butter or cheese is “bad” for you.

    Why those with ugly legs always want to wear shorts or a skirt.

    Why CNN’s Jennifer Westhoven doesn’t have a mustache.

    Why little kids pick their nose and want to touch everything.

    I’ve been wondering about your #4 and #6 for years. His hair looks like red cotton candy.

  5. I know one thing for sure: men are smarter, stonger, and better than women.

    Take Louisiana for instance, we vote a women for governor and look what happened.

  6. coffee is part of the DAIRY group, but only when you add milk/cream/papermate.

    I object! Dan Conners was not a bumbling idiot.

    The family that nods together, sleeps together.

    Those mouth-breathers are on TV so they can entertain other mouth-breathers. You have been TOLD.

    Time passes more slowly in the midwest because of the Hubbert Curve, which explains everything.

    It’s his real hair. (shudder)

    Collecting Hummel figurines is better than Coug’in’ (cougaring?)

    Because they LIKE you to feel manly. You stud, you.

    Who’s Tony Danza?

  7. Mike, I wonder that too.

    Also:

    – why fat men with cameltoes post their pictures on the world wide web

    – why chocolate doesn’t replace prescription anti-depressants.

    – why does my bread fall on its buttered side. Why Murphy, why!

    – why the winning lottery ticket is just one digit different from yours.

  8. Ok, no she doesnt necessarily rate a career, but have you seen Jessica Simpson? Who wouldnt put her on T.V.? I mean, you can turn the volume off. And hey, 1987 was a pretty easy year, no “War in Iraq”, no hurricanes, Reaganomics were in full swing, no Rap music. Its like… a tribute thing or something.

  9. Yes Dave…all my own work…..original hey?:roll::roll::roll:
    And your ‘you’re’ is more correct than my ‘your’ indicating that their is a sever ‘yaw’ in the neural synapse of those parts of my brain that coordinate typing with thinking …… expressive aphasia 😮

  10. -Why are annoying people so immune to the fact that everyone hates them?
    -Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?
    -Who let the poor little bread get moldy? 😛

    MissBeth, I didn’t see the tampon dolls, I’ll have to look at that. 🙄

  11. “I know one thing for sure: men are smarter, stonger, and better than women.”

    Oh, yeah Mikel, that’s why we have an idiotic male president…. that makes sense.:roll:

  12. dude dude: no rap music in 1987? what? 1987 was one of the biggest years in rap popularity…

    Mikel: yes, yes. women are so inferior. that’s why we’re able to bear children and are overall better at multitasking, nurturing life, and, hey, contrary to popular belief, driving…

  13. Pinky is right. Women are the superior gender in every way save three.
    1) Men can achieve greater strength.
    2) Men can reproduce at an older age.
    3) Men can write the names in the snow while peeing much more legibly. 😈

  14. Dave, I concede to your superior peeing ability. I can’t write my name in the snow no matter how hard I try, no matter how much I practice. The fact that I live in the desert in Arizona…inconsequential. :kiss:

  15. Why do they steralize leathal injection needles?
    Why do kamakaze piolets wear helmets?
    When you throw trash out the window it’s called littering, so how come when you throw a cat out the window, it’s not called kitty litter?
    And why the hell can’t I spell? I went through school for 14 years!:roll:

  16. :thong::twisted:In response to why coffee is not an essential food group…what about marijuana? It’s a plant and it’s natural and some say it has “healing” abilities. They say the same thing about vegetables: They are plants, they’re natural and “healing” abilites…:smile:

  17. Possibly I msspoke, true there was rap music in 87, but would you really compare that to….whatever it is we have today?

  18. Yeah, hate to burst your history bubble, dude dude, but there was rap going on in the Bronx at least five years before the Sugarhill Gang came out with Rapper’s Delight in 1979.

  19. What I don’t unnerstan’ is why this topic has gone on for so long now it is tired and losing momentum…………….it’s come to be like a :thong: with nothing :dead: in it … not even :limp:

  20. ‘cos I like your page and the people who inhabit it 😆 and thoroughly enjoy the repartee and, being an incredibly old and equally incredibly sensitively creative individual believe that my appreciation of the finer things of life can be of assistance in helping others to launch their massive minds into the pursuit of other rewarding subjects when the time appears most fortuitous 🙄 :kiss:

  21. why are mullets still considered accetable?

    Recently I moved to Bay City, and there are TONS of mullets and bad dressers here..:roll:

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