Ten ways to make a sushi chef lose it

  1. “Hold the onions and slap some gravy on the fries willya?”
  2. Send back every piece of Nigiri and yell, “Don’t you people know what medium-well means?”
  3. Ask for ketchup.
  4. “I’ve don’t know what’s in sushi, but it sure is good! Just glad there’s no seafood in it cause I’m deathly allergic to fish.”
  5. Tell the chef his sushi was, “Not as good as the refrigerated sushi at Costco.”
  6. “Waaassssssaaaaaaaabbbbiiiiiiii!”
  7. “What is this shit? It looks like raw fish and rice.”
  8. “My goldfish died today. Can we eat him?”
  9. “I’ll take a breast and thigh meal.”
  10. “Are the Godzilla rolls really made from Godzilla?”
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23 Replies to “Ten ways to make a sushi chef lose it”

  1. Did he?

    Damn, I hate having to pick off that black rubbery stuff that goes around the outside. What is that? Fish bellies?

  2. Rust…It’s the slimey underbelly of some unknown inedible sea creature that the Japanese have secretly been farming and making trillions of dollars off of…LOL

    Seaweed…mmm..mmm…good :dead:

  3. Arrange the maki rolls behind your menu and have your partner do the same. Wait till things get real quiet then yell, “B-9? You sank my battleship!” 😈

  4. Yell that you HAVE FOUND NEMO!

    Start doing the JAWS theme!

    Tell the Chef that you LOVED HIM IN THE KARATE KID!

    😛

  5. Ask him to cook while doing the wax on wax off movements or place your order by moving your mouth as if you were talking but with no sound then close your mouth and say it. sorta like the old ultraman shows.

  6. No, no, no! Leave the poor sushi chef alone. If you want to freak out someone, freak out those newbie morons who come to sushi restaurants but freak out at the sight of raw fish.

    Follow these directions closely, as they work exceptionally well.

    1. Make sure you are sitting in close proximity to a newbie, or bring one with you.

    2. Order AMA EBI (Sweet Shrimp.) Ask the chef if they give you the cooked heads, and if not, skip the order, because you need the heads to do this right.

    3. First, eat the AMA EBI when it comes. Warning: the shrimp will be raw, but it still tastes pretty damn good. This alone may be enough to gross out any newbie you have brought with you.

    4. Once they finally, and I do mean finally (it takes a while to cook shrimp heads) deliver the shrimp heads, find the one that is the most intact. Usually, the shrimp heads will have a few of the legs and both feelers still attached. At this point, you should exclaim “Oooooooh! Shrimp heads!” to attract attention.

    5. Put the head in your mouth while leaving the legs and feelers dangling outside your lips.

    6. Chew slowly. Very slowly. As you chew, the legs and feelers will wiggle around, waving back and forth with every chewing motion. For all the world, it will look like the shrimp is alive in your mouth and trying desperately to get out.

    The last time I did this, one newbie off to my right nearly lost her lunch, and the sushi chef got quite a giggle. 😀

  7. p.s. If you just want to be crass and gross people out, order sashimi or raw fish sushi, and when you eat it loudly exclaim “Damn! This tastes just like my girlfriend!”

    Then turn to someone at your table and offer them a bite, saying “Here–try this!” When they try it, say “Does’t that taste just like (insert name)?” Pass the raw fish around. Get a few opinions. Why not? Lots of folks have tasted your girlfriend, right???:oops:

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