Ten Best Sleep-Deprived Hallucinations

  1. My fingers are paralyzed and will never type again
  2. My eyelids are magnetized to each other
  3. I have not only read the same sentence eight times and still have no idea what it says, I remain quite convinced that it is changing meaning on me at will
  4. The cat is vomiting in my shoes. Wait, that might be real…
  5. My belt is cutting me in half
  6. The glow-in-the-dark St. Isidore statuette my brother bought me is talking behind my back
  7. Spud will make fun of me when I post this. Oh wait, that one’s real, too…
  8. The branch scraping against the window is actually an escaped convict with a butcher knife
  9. The infommercial host is sending me psychic messages
  10. Everytime my cellphone beeps that it is looking for service, it is in fact, sending coordinates to the Mother Ship
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44 Replies to “Ten Best Sleep-Deprived Hallucinations”

  1. The monster that was under my bed when I was 8-years old has returned after 30 years of pumping iron and is ready for my middle-aged ass.

    There’s a rogue zero somewhere in my tax return, I can’t find it and the IRS offices close in a couple of hours.

    Tiny image of the Virgin Mary on one of my caffeine tablets.

    I’m sure I can see a hand sticking out of the vegetable patch in my neighbour’s back garden.

  2. #3! I can so relate.

    11. The blue water flushing down the toilet is actually a deadly whirpool and tiny mermaids are calling for rescue.

    12. I’m the monster in my closet.

    13. The shadow behind me is not my own.

    14. The tub of dark chocolate ice-cream in the fridge is whispering my name.

    15. My stuffed toys have come to life.

  3. 16. I slip into the hallucination I’ve gone through my entire day only to come to and realise I have to do it all over again. First time was only a test….

  4. Like wow!,
    #1 – 5 are real, that stuff happens all the time.
    #7 is a given 😛
    #8 is actually an axe
    #9 & 10 are also true :wtf

    however you missed::
    the whispering of the wind, is really those people who are plotting to murder you in a manner too hidious to describe, discussing their evil deed.

    :geek:

  5. 18. When staring at the floor, it moves OR you can make out intricate pictures and sometimes they move as well.

  6. 19. You have a complete conversation with your hand about why you should go to bed but don’t. Then you forget who you were talking to and what you were talking about. Ten minutes later you have the same conversation again. This time with your foot.

  7. Dammit! I keep starting a comment and leaving off when I forget what I’m doing. All I know is it should have something to do with working graveyard shift and it should be funny.

  8. My worst hallucinations is that our country is being run by a leader who is functionally retarded and his cronies are devoid of souls. They abuse their powers while hiding behind their veil of Christianity and denounce anyone who disagrees with them by questioning their loyalty. Wait, wait…..OMG I’m not asleep. It’s actually happening. AAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH 🙁

  9. 21. My hands get to typing and soon words I didn’t even know existed come on my computer.

    22. The bugs are crawling all over my body and in my hair, and they’re moving and AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Okay, I’m better now.

    23. Playing games on my computer and my EVIL WERE-RABBITS OF DOOOOM come to visit and we plunder through the meadow.(Plunder sounded better than frolick) :wtf: 😈

  10. When I stare at my blanket for too long, it looks like the surface is moving in almost imperceptible waves because under the surface a gazillion maggots are squirming, wriggling, and devouring everything! Oh wait, that was reality! Only instead of my blanket it was a dead cat I saw once. :puke:

  11. LOL>>>LOL>>>LOL>>>>>

    25. No….You know your really sleep deprived when you hear your bed calling to
    you…. Come home…come home…where are you…come home…..
    26. You hear the other members of your family laughing at you for the outragous
    schedule you have as you work yourself into a semi-coma….Ooohhhh..
    wait, that one’s real…. :wtf:

  12. You swear those Precious Moments statues are just a little bit closer than they were the last time you looked over your shoulder…..and the faces have changed just slightly but you can’t tell how……..

  13. I agree with you, Lace. I think reality is more just a halucination, I think that it’s a load of crap sometimes, but that’s just my opinion. Tell me what you all think, see if maybe I’m not alone. :wtf:

  14. having sat up for tree days i started to here some one knoking on my bed room window whin i finely got up the nerve to look there wasn’t any one there this wen’t on for about six more days

  15. Was that a hitchhiker by the side of the road? If I go back is it gonna turn out to be a cactus, my imaginaiton, or Freddy Krueger?Man I forgot how desolate this west Texas highway is! Jeez, I wish I had another espresso! Damn, I gotta piss really bad but I’m making great time. Where the hell is the FM radio out here? Who the hell is that wack job conspiracy theorist that’s all over the AM dial? Frickin’ crapped out Pioneer cassette deck. I’ll bet I could shut my eyes for a few seconds this road is so straight and loooong and I am soooo tired.
    The next sound you hear is gonna be REALLY LOUD! :dead:

  16. mitch – I feel your political pain…..
    jules – precious moments – brought to you by the people who brought you AMWAY.
    lace – keep your depressing thoughts to yourself.
    esther – too funny!
    DZ – what DO you do anyway?

  17. Hmm. I have a couple of them.

    1. Demons from Hell attacked me, visual hallucination (not on drugs) :wtf:

    2. Fever enduced auditory hallucination. There was a party in my room with out people.

    3. Last one, I kept opening my door and someone kept closing it but I never left my chair.
    😀

  18. Ah, yes – nearly forgot sleep deprived driving!!
    * in your struggle to stay awake on a deserted stretch of highway, you suddenly see headlights coming straight for you at a high rate of speed but you can do nothing but screech to a halt right there on the highway. Thinking THIS would’ve woken you sufficiently but you are now trying to decide how you’re going to get moving again or if you should just stay put b/c it might be safer.

  19. [Comment ID #17751 Will Be Quoted Here]

    So true mitch, SOOOO true, When we wake up in 2008 maybe the world will be a better place! Yes, The world!!!

  20. I stayed up for 36 hours doing meth one time and I couldnt walk without the ground sticking to my shoes.Now, when I have flashbacks, I can see grass growing really fast and then waving in the wind :wtf:

  21. [Comment ID #17751 Will Be Quoted Here]

    Try reading “Atlas Shrugged” by Ayn Rand. It will make you feel better.
    😮

  22. I just remembered another on.

    I thought I saw an alien on top of a building near mine at an ungodly hour. In the morning I discoverd it was a small satellite dish used for cable TV.

  23. 27. the walls are melting and the floor is lava
    28. im lost in a jungle of verry tall people who want to eat me.
    29. little green people are worshiping my sisters dildo…Wait that is true sorry.
    👿

  24. kris stay off the heroin and quit shoving the dildo up your ass 😡 :wtf: oops i think i just shat my self :dead:

  25. 30. I’m a third rate porn star, with a huge tool :wang: Who for some sick :puke: reason only works with severly malnourished crack whores 30+ years older than me :limp: …Wait!!!

    OMFG!!! …that real!!!

  26. [Comment ID #18173 Will Be Quoted Here]

    That satelite dish was just the alien’s other form—it noticed that you seen it up there and just wanted to throw you off. 😆

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