Ten Best Reasons to Get a Cold

Colds are disgusting. Your eyes look and feel sand-blasted, your nose has lost five layers of epidermis and you are left with the lung capacity of an asthmatic sparrow, but look on the bright side:

  1. Your boss will encourage you to go home early.
  2. You can keep ill-tempered coworkers at bay with a mere sneeze.
  3. No one’s going to sneak in your cubicle and use your phone.
  4. If you come in looking disheveled, women will take pity on you, rather than scoff at you.
  5. Other employees will do the heavy lifting for you.
  6. You get to catch up on all the daytime crap on TV that you’ve been missing.
  7. A cold won’t keep you from hitting the coffeehouse.
  8. You can blame any miscommunications on your plugged sinuses.
  9. You get to pepper your conversation with important-sounding words like antibiotics and gastroesophageal reflux.
  10. If something goes wrong, you’re really too drugged up to care.

18 Replies to “Ten Best Reasons to Get a Cold”

  1. I hope you feel better soon…although you have many excellent reasons to take your time returning to good health.

  2. Watery eyes give you that sad puppy dog sympathy vote.

    Sinus drippings add a nifty look to the coffee and beer stains already on your keyboard.

    Chicken noodle soup once again rules! (woot-woot)

    [feel better soon, Dave!]

  3. Now I know where I caught this cold!!! Damn computer viruses…pass the Kleenex, Dave.

    (drink echinacea tea and load up vitamin C)

  4. First off, it is not a cold that you have.

    It is actually a strain of the parriahmengincatoh virus.

    I had this 2 weeks ago.

    You actually are slowly dying, your insides are being slowly eaten by godzillians of tiny virus bacteria.

    You are an empty vessel.

    The grays have been informed.

    :boobs:

  5. Spray Lysol everwhere and wash your hands more.
    The belly dancing queens of Davezilla can not use their healing powers unless things have been disinfected properly.

  6. Chicken noodle soup once again rules!

    Not when youÒ€ℒre vegetarian πŸ˜›

    Well, if you have a cold, you won’t be able to taste the meat. So it’s OK for you to have some.

    😈

  7. You can still have chicken noodle soup, just follow these instructions:

    Get one large pot and fill with water 3/4 full.
    Bathe one large chicken in pot.
    Remove chicken. Add noodles. Cook and eat!

    Note: If a chicken is unavailable, midget devil clowns will be an acceptable substitute.

    OR you could eat one of those condensed cans of soup…I don’t think that is really chicken in them….whatever it is I eat around the chunks.

  8. What do you eat if you don’t eat chicken soup when you are sick? Tomato soup is fabulous, but it’s not a sick-with-a-cold soup, it’s a cold-night-curl-up-with-a-book soup.

    Maybe…lentil???:wtf:

  9. Actually tomato soup is extremely good for colds and flu. It has so much acid that your body becomes rather inhospitable to the virus. I’ve been downing gallons of Spicy V8 😈

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