Guide to Artists’ Models No. 6: The Dribbler

The Dribbler Despite his brutish, troll-like appearance, the Dribbler is an excellent model, able to hold unchallenging poses for an hour without tiring. Yes, he has more body odor and hair than a Musk Ox. Yes, he has 5:00 shadow by 9:15 am. These are all excusable and minor in comparison to the trait that […]

Guide to Artists’ Models No. 5: Former Fashion Model

The Former Fashion Model At first glance, the first year art student may assume the professor had brought a cadaver for the class to draw. Then the cadaver coughs, a miserable, cancerous cough that produces more than a few moths and dust. It is not a cadaver, but a former fashion model, driven to nude […]

Guide to Artists’ Models No. 4: The Closet Pervert

The Closet Pervert Possibly the ugliest known human (certainly the ugliest person I’ve ever drawn) is the Closet Pervert. At only thirty-three, he looks closer to ninety-seven, owing to chronic masturbation which has sucked away his life force. With his greying locks, he resembles one of the Founding Fathers, but as no woman in her […]

Guide to Artists’ Models No. 3: The Hippie Chick

The Hippie Chick Making a dramatic resurgence in popularity in recent years, the Earth Mother’s younger, inebriated equivalent, the Hippie Chick is a sight to behold. Or flee from. Look for silky hair, wavy, golden-red and reaching almost to the floor—and that’s just her armpit hair. Her skin is either sun-freckled or drug-acned, and I […]

Guide to Artists’ Models No. 2: The Nudist

Guide to Artists’ Models No. 2: The Nudist Second only in popularity to The Earth Mother, The Nudist is usually an elderly gentleman, with a silver ponytail collected from his few remaining strands of hair. His buttocks are withered as raisins and his hairy stomach hangs from him like a weaverbird nest. The Nudist loves […]

Guide to Artists’ Models No. 1: The Earth Mother

Guide to Artists’ Models No. 1: The Earth Mother The Earth Mother is probably the most common of artists’ models. A vast expanse of doughy flesh topped with a mop of unshorn hair, she is happiest walking aboutau naturale in the presence of young men. The Earth Mother feels it is her duty on earth […]