More people we dislike #12

  1. Clueless men who wear Crocs with business suits to work. This cannot be allowed to continue and I beseech all my loyal readers to grievously harm anyone attempting this.
  2. The balding, boorish Boomer—unacceptably impatient in line at the coffeehouse and swearing at everyone to hurry up—who had no idea what he wanted when his turn arrived.
  3. Politicians who try to brainwash their countrymen through bullying and repetition, then change their minds and feign sudden amnesia.
  4. People who say Hispanic, when they mean Spanish language.
  5. The rude bastard at the office that takes one bite out of a donut and puts it back in the box.

More people we can safely dislike #11

  1. People from the South who claim that 78°F is “chilly”. Hold up, son. You don’t know what chilly is.
  2. Flight attendants who are more concerned with their nails than their passengers.
  3. The guy you see in your rear view mirror, flipping you off because you dared to stop at the red light instead of blowing it.*
  4. People who forward me links to my own site, with the note, “Dude, this site is hilarious. You should check it out.”
  5. Companies who actually send me mail addressed to “Mr. or Mrs. Dave Zilla”.
  6. Neighbors who run their chainsaw at midnight.

*The best part of this was, he went careening past me, swore at me again, and then I saw him in the lobby of the agency I work at, waiting for an interview. With me. He went pale when he saw me.

More people we dislike #9: Airplane edition

  1. The woman in the aisleway who prevents anyone from boarding the plane because she is busy art directing her luggage in the overhead compartment, rather than stuffing it in there and sitting down.
  2. The couple who ignore their screaming toddler for the duration of the flight.
  3. The wheezing sleeper I always get stuck next to.
  4. The flirty girl who wants to talk to me about Jesus.
  5. The mullet boy who asks me if I, “Got anyfing ta eat.”
  6. The attractive woman who sexily slips off her pumps to reveal feet that smell like gangrenous musk oxen.
  7. The “religious expert” who is certain I am actually Muslim.
  8. The frat boys sitting three rows apart who loudly recreate the dialogue of several Jim Carey movies to each other.
  9. The aging twit with the greasy comb-over who is convinced the flight attendant wants to have hot, monkey sex with him.
  10. Who’s getting to you this week?

More people we dislike #8: Pseudo-bodybuilders

Few things are more pathetic than body builders. Pseudo-bodybuilders are definitely more pathetic. Too arrogant to admit they aren’t that built, but not dedicated enough to deform themselves through excessive steroid usage. Signs you may be this type:

Pseudo-bodybuilders

  1. They kiss their biceps
  2. They refer to their biceps as, “my guns”.
  3. They can afford to pimp out their Dodge 3500s, but can’t afford their cellphone bills.
  4. They wear “Axe” body spray.
  5. Contrary to popular belief, there is rarely a mullet. It is usually the fauxhawk, a ridiculous sort of combed-up mohawk, trimmed very short, marines-style.
  6. They drink Zima. On purpose.
  7. Have a “Proud NASCAR Sponsor” bumper sticker on their trucks, though they’ve never sponsored anything more expensive than girlscout cookies.
  8. Conveniently forget their wallets on dates.
  9. They have a porn stashes that would make Bukkake directors blush.
  10. The hypnotic effect of owning breasts prevent them from eye contact with women during conversation.

More people we dislike #7

  1. People who run their lawnmower/snowblower/leafblower before 9AM on a weekend.
  2. Guys who think the prison pants look is still in.
  3. People who turn their vehicles into walking advertisements for their religion.
  4. People who turn their vehicles into walking advertisements for anything.
  5. Obssessive parents
  6. People who insist on bringing their stinking, neurotic pets into coffeehouses because, “He gets upset if sees me inside talking to other people.”
  7. The assholes responsible for convincing a whole new generation of women that Mukluks are cute.
  8. Landlords.
  9. Has-been 60s/70s/80s popstars trying desperately to make comebacks.
  10. Who’s on your (s)hitlist this week?