What Your Language Sounds Like To Me

Possibly the most offensive post I have ever written. But since I am picking on everyone’s language, it’s sort of equal opportunity offensiveness. Enjoy!

  1. Farsi: Like a Spaniard with Downs Syndrome is reciting the German alphabet while eating toast
  2. Welsh: Like a foppish Englishman with a cleft palette is choking on a spider
  3. Vietnamese: I concur with David Sedaris who wrote, “While our language flows from our mouths, the Vietnamese language sounds as if it is being forced from the speaker by a series of heavy and merciless blows to the stomach.”
  4. Hawaiian: Like American toddlers making up nonsense syllables
  5. Albanian: Like Americans poorly imitating Russian gypsies with Whooping Cough
  6. French Canadian: Like really bored Argentinians imitating how Americans sound speaking French
  7. Cajun Patois: Like a Haitian, imitating a Frenchman, imitating a Canadian, imitating an Acadian. Oh wait. That’s kinda what it is.
  8. Michigan: Bugs Bunny

What do foreign languages sound like to you?