Random Effluvia

Corn popsicle

  1. I would like to build a popcorn-powered car. It would make a pleasing sound when driving and the exhaust would be tasty and make small birds happy.
  2. Teeth never inflate when you inhale, cause that would look really stupid.
  3. I’m glad it never rains skunks and porcupines.
  4. I heard someone say that we need to pray for peace. Except I thought she said, peas. So I prayed for peas. Then I had some for dinner. I’m glad I prayed for those peas, cause they were good.
  5. Whose bad idea was it to make a corn popsicle?


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29 Replies to “Random Effluvia”

  1. I used to live in Mitchell, South Dakota, home of the world’s only Corn Palace.

    I can’t believe they didn’t have those there.

    Or maybe I’m lucky they didn’t have them.

  2. is it a buttered corn popsicle, salted corn popsicle, or plain? I must know before I can agree or disagree about it being a bad idea.

    also, i wonder if it’ll pass right through most people like corn does.

    inquiring “minds” want to know.

  3. Well, I’m sure if the Japanese have corn-flavored popsicles, corn-flavored condoms are just around the corner.:wang:

    I wonder what the budget is in Fucking, Austria for those signs, which I’m sure are quite popular with American tourists.

  4. Ah, guess I should have read all the way through. It’s a “considerable” amount.

    Time for bed, methinks…

  5. Below are a series of amusing place names and their proximity to my humble abode:

    Tyttenhanger
    7.7 miles

    Herbert’s Hole
    11.1 miles

    Claggy Cott
    14.5 miles

    Mincing Lane
    17.2 miles

    Cock Pond
    17.6 miles

    Nasty
    23.5 miles

    Pishill
    23.8 miles

    Minges
    24.2 miles

    Bummers Hill
    27.2 miles

    Pratt’s Bottom
    29.6 miles

    I must stress the fact, that I shall not be visiting any of them or eating the corn thing in today’s post, which to coin a phrase looks as appealing as “being rogered by an omnibus”.

    😕

  6. I believe Phuket is in Thailand Stacy, a lot of aussies/ozzies seem to go there.

    Hell of a good place by all accounts for a holiday.

    😎

    Rev, nobody and I mean nobody has town/village names like the poms.

    😀

  7. Spud, the ozzies have the same town names don’t they? We’re from a place that used to be called boggy bottom until about 1850.

  8. Now about that CORN popsicle — you people have to lighten up a little! Corn, or as they call it in this country, “CHOCLO” – not to be confused with CHOCOLATE – is a regular staple for people who want to be regular!

    People with prominent front teeth are said to have “dientes de choclo” — corn teeth.

    A very DEEEElicious dish is “pastel de choclo” — corn pastry or pie. Take a few choclos – those would be be ears of corn – and with a knife of similar instrument, remove the kernels from the cobs. Take the soggy mess and place in a blender to get it reduced to a fine pulp. Throw that stuff in a pot to start cooking it. Add a liter of milk, a couple of tablespoons of sugar and some salt to get her going. Now you take yesterday’s leftover chicken, and hamburger from the butcher today, make sure you cook it well, we don’t want botulism! Hell, put it in there even if it has whiskers. It’ll put hair on your chest. Since Natalia (not Natalie) already has hairy nipples, you can appreciate this. Look in the fridge to see if there are any other leftovers that you can get rid of, week-old stuff works best. Chop up some onion nice and fine, get some olives – not pitted – a handful of raisins, some hard boiled eggs (shelled), and other spices as you like. The preferred method is to bake in a clay pot, but you might like a normal Corning Ware© dish. Pour a layer of the corn glop on the bottom of the dish and neatly lay out all the other ingredients, topping it all of with the rest of the corn mush. Throw that in a crappy gas oven for about an hour or so, or until a golden brown crust forms. It’s very very important that you leave the pits in olives. Don’t make this dish if you are planning on taking the pits out of the olives or using some other kind of olive. This is so that people can test how strong their teeth are when they eat it. I guess. Allow it to cool long enough that it is still hot to the touch and serve. Most people eat it with liberal amounts of sugar. I like the taste of it just as it is…

  9. Additional Effluvia and further Excrementalia!

    1/ I would like to invent a machine that can accurately translate inter gender conversations and their associated meanings. A male/female translation module, so to speak.

    2/ Every single old person to be re-housed amongst the cans of beans on supermarket shelves with the function of providing directions and assistance to bewildered shoppers (see they can serve a purpose).

    3/ Legs of pork, lamb, beef to be labeled clearly as to which leg you are actually getting as the back legs would be chubbier and have more fat content.

    4/ Fat people to be randomly searched at airports for illegal immigrants and wildlife.

    5/ Bacon and cheese sandwiches to be renamed cheese and bacon sandwiches, so you get more cheese. People who like bacon should go for the original bacon and cheese format.

    6/ People who eat loudly should have their faces acoustically re-engineered by law.

    😕

  10. I couldn’t help but notice in the comments section, that links have been stopped due to abusive spam.

    One can only sympathize with this situation, as just the other day in the supermarket a tin of Spam called me a “bastard” and kicked me in the knackers.

    😀

  11. Well you should say “Sausage Pork And Meat, don’t call me a bastard you disgusting tin of a stench you. No one likes you apart from grannies making picnics in the summer who just want to stink the car out when you’re stuck in the daily 18 mile traffic jam on the M25”

  12. Well if all goes to plan…..

    The old people will be happily nestled amongst the bean cans shortly.

    😐

  13. I must add to Dave’s comment … yes, we do not live far from Hell, Michigan. It literally does freeze over. Every year, in fact! Nearly everybody around here has actually “been to Hell and back” … just to say that they have.

    It’s not far from Ypsilanti. The funny names of places here in Michigan are numerous … but that is a post in and of itself. 🙄

  14. Pussy, France… hmmm… is that the capital? 😈

    The “chemically altered” thoughts were quite entertaining. Now put the crack pipe away before someone gets hurt. 😆

  15. I’d also like it to be known that I live near towns known as:
    Blue Ball(s), Intercourse, and Bird in Hand. Also of note, the town of Paradise is astonishingly close to those three. 🙂

  16. The “corn bake” entree made my eyes water, where do you live, Rust?.
    The Idea of living in a town named “Fucking” with a picture of children below it, regardless if the sign translates to “slow down” creeps me out.
    My favorite city sign for town of “Big Bone Lick” nowheresville off of I-75.
    Summing it up, corn pops sound yuckie, however my favorite jelly bean IS the “hot buttered popcorn” Jelly Belly bean.

    Frisko

    PS
    The Jones Soda Company does have a holiday soda pack that might add to that popsicals appeal. How about a nice iced glass of green bean casarole soda…..anyone, anyone?

  17. Stacy, Ypsilanti sounds like a Lovecraftian monster of effluvial proportions. It would be a strange, corncob pillar of cloud with continuous electrical currents running through it and lashing tentacles for good measure, a god the native Indians worshiped before the coming of the pilgrims.

    Every time this horror passed through a cornfield, it left the strangest crop circles with a lot of leftover mounds of popcorn. It’s favorite crop pattern was the zigzag. These became a motif on certain Algonquin rugs with an image of the Corn God, Ypsilanti.

    Being that we are both scholars, you know how America has always been more forbidding than the weaker forces of civilization trying to tame it. I am only too glad that the Bush administration has decided to form an alliance with the dreadful popcorn god. Already its tentacles have reached into the most powerful players in Hollywood, even to the stills of backwater swaps in the south. Soon, we will all be serving popcorn rather than the snack serving us. It’s a matter of endowment. No matter how much time passes, some horrors can’t be easily erased from the mind.

  18. In Northern California, near Redding, there are two exits of interest.

    One leads to “Balls Ferry” and the other to “Gas Point.” Interestingly, they are adjacent exits.

  19. *Teeth never inflate when you inhale, cause that would look really stupid.*

    Still hitting the absythne, Dave? 😛

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