Overheard: Redneck Lunch Edition

Grummuh: “Thomas P? Thomas P? Lissen to yer Grummuh. Lissen to yer Grummuh. Lissen to yer Grummuh. Lissen to yer Grummuh. “Thomas P? Thomas P? Lissen to yer Grummuh. Oh honestly, Theresa Jo. What is wrong with him? Like tawking to thin air.”
Theresa Jo: “Yew stop pickin’ on mah kids, mawmuh! They’s fine as they is.”
Grummuh: “Sweet Jesus have mercy.”
Theresa Jo: “Oh! Hare’s the waitress. Hah there. Gots a children’s menu, hon?”
Waitress: “Yes, ma’am. Last page. That’s it.”
Theresa Jo: “Ah see. Thomas P? You wants apple sauce wif your meal?”
Thomas P: “Plplplplplplplplplplplplplpl!”
Theresa Jo: “He don’t want nothin’. Give him French Fries and Ah’ll eat them.”
Other brat: “Mumma? This costs too much.”
Theresa Jo: “Yew hush. Grummuh got her social security check today, so we’s makin’ her pay for lunch. Git whatever you wants.”

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64 Replies to “Overheard: Redneck Lunch Edition”

  1. Dang it, Dave! Are ya’ll in Arkansas agin?

    In honor of Tell-A-Lie Day I am giving everyone who mentions the actor Jon Lovitz $1,000 cash…..yeah, that’s the ticket!

  2. i try to have me a naace lunch wit mah mummah and some uppity city folk done gone makes it inta wurds on that dang old intranat…..

  3. Now where can my underwear be , oh I remember Jon Lovitz barrowed them for his canoe trip in Arkansas for extra protection , you know how those hillbillys are he said , they will just have to settle for my guides perdy mouth . Yeah thats the ticket .

    JFLY I would like payment in $1.00 lottery tickets please . 😀

  4. Actually I did see her underwear, I was running a race this weekend and for whatever reason there was some lady on the side of the road giving free lap dances for the runners. I could almost swear that she had on the underwear that belonged to the girl in the video! Although I don’t think she’ll want them back, later on that day I saw that lap dance girl talking to a penis unicorn, I think I heard them say something about Jon Lovits and the three of them having a good time, whatever that means…

    One more for the road: Dave likes anime porn! :wang: :wang: :wang:

  5. “Has anyone has anyone seen my underwear…”

    Dagnabit! Now that cotton-pickin’ song is in my head!

  6. [Comment ID #40318 will be quoted here]

    Literary reference…Grapes of Wrath? Of Mice and Men?
    Help me out here. 😕
    East of Eden?

  7. [Comment ID #40248 will be quoted here]

    No, I don’t, actually. I was trying to show an entire room of coworkers how online quiz results that you see on LiveJournal display so I went to Quizilla. We looked for a random quiz to click on and it turned not to be a quiz, but that video. Thankfully, everyone in the room found it hilarious. 😳

  8. I guess, these people in the conversation must have at least gradeated grummuh school.

    Come up nahth and visit Bahstan and pak ya ka in Hahvad Yahd. I’ll buy ya a beeah.

    Anyone see my underwear? It’s on my bedroom floor. 😈

  9. Dave, (jon lovitz) please stop following my family around, (jon lovitz) its really quite creepy. (jon lovitz)Its really hard to plot against mitch and his ilk with you there (jon lovitz) . I believe thats $4,000 you owe me jfly.

  10. Wut r u sain bout us arkansans? wes jes as edukatd at yall sity folk. Nd we gots al thu modrn cunveenyencs. Y, jess last weke, mi momma got herslf runnin watr. Thu nabors cros thu strete were bout to git kikd out, so Bobby Joe, Bobbie Jo, Bobby Ann, Bobby Sue, and Bobby Billy muvd in. Now wenever thae nede watr, Bobby Billy runs nd gits it. 😛

  11. Why do I get the feeling in about ten years Thomas P is going to be uttering the phrase…
    “It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.”

  12. You’ve got to hand it to Theresa Jo, she is probably the only one left that knows that social security is actually two words (and not “soshsecurity”).

  13. 😀 Thank ewe… I jest speuuwd pepsi on du compuder. ‘Corse I thogt it wuz just a squak box that u had tu b reel intelegent 2 uz, til the giy at the stor showd me for shor…

  14. [Comment ID #40329 will be quoted here]

    My ilk? I’ve had my ilk taken care of long ago. Exercise and a regimen of clean living and daily skewering of Evil Republicans (redundant, I know) can clear up the most unsightly case of ilk. Look what we did to “The Hammer”. Peace, Bob.

  15. I angelina jolie (hence national lie day) am concerned about the thong i viewed outside Dave’s apartment, am having my doubts about an exclusive relationship. Therefore I am running away with Jon Lovitz, we have found a very nice trailer park in Arkansas in a town that has a Wal-Mart, for whenever we feel like getting all dressed up and goin out! Sorry Dave :kiss:

  16. There’s nothing wrong with apple sauce with one’s meal–just don’t dip French Fries in it.

  17. That video stunk! Or was it the underware? I think that Jon Lovitz would agree with me on this seeing that its Tell a Lie Day. And why does Arkansas get such a bad rep? Isn’t that where Hill and Billy Clinton come from?

  18. Anyone notice the kid’s initals??? TP??? He really is a little sh*thead isn’t he????

  19. On my way to work this morning I was distracted by a truck load of women wearing nothing but a placard saying, “Free lap dances”. I was intrigued …….so I sped up to see where they were going. They kept going faster and so did I……… I never saw the bull come charging across the road. I swerved and missed the bull but ran right into an old Valiant. We pulled to the side of the road and who do you think got out of the car……. Jon Lovitz. He was in his pajama’s and house shoes and said he had to get to Wal-Mart but wasn’t familiar with the area and asked directions. I told him to follow me and he did. Right before we reached Wal-Mart I saw the truck load of lap-dancers again. I couldn’t miss my chance so I stepped on the gas, passed a car on the right side of the road and attracted the attention of a policeman that immediately turned on his lights and came after me. All the while Jon Lovitz was following closely behind. I pulled over, Jon pulled over and the police car came barreling down the street and crashed into Jon’s Valiant behind me. It took a while to clear away the wrecked Police car……..but you know how solid the old Valiants are. I finally got Jon to Wal-Mart and he bought me lunch…….french fries and applesauce. I swear, Boss, that’s why I’m so late for work.

  20. [Comment ID #40389 will be quoted here]

    [Comment ID #40397 will be quoted here]

    …as was my identical twin sister, Fran.

  21. [Comment ID #40332 will be quoted here]

    😆 I just lost my “turbo ice” all over my monitor. My boss thanks you in advance for the requisition form.

  22. yea I heard that conversation, I was there see, yea that’s it, and I saw the whole thing first hand, yea, yea, and I uh saw this girls underpants, yea yea that’s it and they were on a door step, with a uh um a paperclip, yea that’s it!

  23. [Comment ID #40398 will be quoted here]

    Thank you , Peaches for the image of Jon Vovitz in his pajamas and house shoes…but then again wasn’t that one of the reasons they cancelled “The Critic”…because of an animated Jon lovitz in his pajamas and house shoes…

    Tried flushing out the image with the link of the day…BIG MISTAKE…torturing us with the cheap hentai, huh Dave…now I have the image of Jon Lovitz in his pajamas & house shoes asking people around Wal-Mart if they have seen his underwear, all the time him pushing a cartload of frozen french fries and Mott’s Applesauce…and YES, I DO have a very vivid imagination…

  24. [Comment ID #40460 will be quoted here]

    Yeah, well you know I always check Davezilla in my jammies and slippers. Yeah, that’s it. With my arm around Peaches. Yeah, yeah. That’s what I do. And Peaches feeds me French fries. Yeah, that’s it. Like grapes. Yeah.

  25. JFLY
    Currently at comment 45 you owe $18000.00 for the mention of Jon Lovitz plus $1500.00 for Master Solace for just saying Jon three times , adding the times Jon Lovitz name was mentioned here your total is $22000.00 .

    Will you be paying with cash , credit , or check ?

  26. [Comment ID #40403 will be quoted here]

    And I am the love child from that liaison….yeah, that’s it.

  27. [Comment ID #40320 will be quoted here]

    Yep. An thet “kerplunk” sound be Mark Twain’s chaw of terbaccy hitting the spittoon…

    Shit far mamma! Stop putting them damn forks and knives in yore purse. I’n be the one getting them. You grab ahold of that thar ketchep bottle….

  28. [Comment ID #40476 will be quoted here]

    We like to think of Warren as the cultural magnet of Michigan, attracting all the loose screws.

  29. [Comment ID #40465 will be quoted here]

    You seem to have forgotten it’s Tell-A-Lie Day…I lied about the money. 😈

  30. Just for anyone who may not know: Jon Lovitz did a character on Saturday Night Live called the “Pathological Liar”.

  31. Jon Lovitz you say? Why I was best man at his wedding.. yeah.. His wedding to…. Morgan Fairchild. yeah… that’s the ticket.

  32. Considering it was Tell-A-Lie Day I think Dave did hit on Grummuh struck out cause she thought he was to “upitty” {bathing everyday and all}.So he and Jon Lovitz ended up watching the video!! 😈
    That was just incase JFLY was lying about the lying.

  33. Yall need to quit pickin on us rednecks. That conversation sounded a lot like the customers we have at our restaurant. “I wont a cheeseburger wif no cheese ayund sum franch fries and a swueet tea.” Jon Lovitz rules!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  34. We have those conversations where I live too, but instead of the redneck accent, we’ve got the overused “y’inz”. Example: “Y’inzers got beers here? Naw, I’ll just take water from the spigot.” I love Pittsburgh!

  35. Yea, us Texans have a “little” twang, too with our speech. how y’all doin’ ?

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