Overheard: People are stupid edition

  1. Barista: “She has like, an accent or something. She speaks in British.”
  2. Woman on the phone near me: “I heard that if you break vitamins in half, most of the amino acids escape.”
  3. Young girl on phone: “If I shave my head, will the hair ever grow back? No, I’m being serious. It will? Really?”
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20 thoughts on “Overheard: People are stupid edition

  1. I think the most interesting thing I have overheard this week was a lady asking another, ” Smell this, don’t my fingers smell a little weird. I wonder what made that smell. Do you smell it?” :wtf:

  2. (Hmm?.. How can I describe this in a respectable manner….?)

    In a music store, guy no.1 walks up to guy no.2, points at the guys crotch and asks about his “body part.” Guy no.2 responded in the affirmative.
    Guy no.1 looks to Guy no.3 and yells, “Hey Tommy, come check out this guys “certain body part.” Guy no.3 (Tommy) gives guy no.1 a dirty look.

  3. When you make a peanut butter sandwich, don’t cut the bread because all the flavour will leak out.

  4. When giving directions, writing out plans, etc., it’s best to remember the words: “There is always one more idiot than you counted on.”

  5. Me: So you are looking for a 5 speed?
    Customer: No I want something with a clutch.

    Customer: I need something that gets really good fuel economy. Hey, how much is that Expodition?

    Customer: I want something reliable and won’t cost much to keep. Wow, you have a Jaguar!!

    Customer: So who makes Saturns?
    Me: Little green men (joking)
    Customer: So they are imported.

  6. My stupid person of the day:

    me: good afternoon, ___________ Library, this is Michele.

    :?: hello, do you have children’s books there?
    me: yes, is there a specific one you are looking for?
    :?: yes
    me: i can look and see if we have it, do you know the author’s name?
    :?: do you want my address?
    me: um, no thats okay. do you know the title of the book you are looking for?
    :?: my address is (mumblemumblecough)
    me: are you going to come here and look for the book? do you need directions?
    :?: yes, what time do you close?
    me: we close at 2 on Saturdays, where do you need directions from?
    :?:you DO have children’s books?
    me: yessir, we are a library, we have all sorts of books
    :?:are you going to give me directions?
    me: where are you coming from?
    :?: why?
    **I then put the phone down and retrieved and more patient clerk to help him**

  7. Overheard in im fisrt hour English class:
    Student: I wasn’t sleeping, I caught a bug under my eyelid and I was trying to suffocate him.

  8. Working as the DWI Compliance Officer I encounter many moments in which I want to close my eyes and wish myself far away.

    ~ :wtf: But this is the United States of America! Tha land of the free! I know my rights! I will not comply because the constitution says I have freedom of choice and I choose to drive after a couple pints!! (he did appeal and lost, thank god)~

    ~ :roll: Your bond is $?????? cash or surety sir, that means you have the option of paying 10% through a bail bondsman.
    :wtf: So I’ll be released today?
    :roll: If you pay the bond yes.
    :wtf: But I don’t have money.
    :roll: If you are still in custody at the time of your hearing we will issue a transport order to bring you to court for your hearing date.
    :wtf: Oh, ok…will you call me to remind me?
    :roll: Any further communication between you and the court will be through your attorney sir.
    :wtf: Oh, ok…But you’re letting me go today right?
    :roll: Only if you pay the bond.
    :wtf: I have to pay to get out?! How much?!
    :roll: Yes. $?????, It is the amount the judge ordered per your charges.
    :wtf: So you’re not letting me go?
    :roll: No.
    :wtf: So how am I supposed to get to court? …~

    ~ I hand a pen to the defendant for signing agreements:
    :wtf: Can I sign with this pen? ~

    ~ :wtf: I need to check on my cases.
    :roll: No problem, what is your name?
    :wtf: David.
    :roll: Thank you, last name please.
    :wtf: …..(whispers)…..Orona…yeah O R O N A.
    :roll: What is the date of birth?
    :wtf: What’s the date of birth? (immediately in background) I don’t know, I’ve never asked him.

    or :wtf: I don’t know. I’ll call you back.~

  9. When I graduated from high school, we had a party that lasted through the night and into the next day. The following morning, about 20 people were crashed all over the house and woke up hung over and hungry. They all pitched in money and sent me to the KFC…..alone.

    So I went to the KFC…..alone….and ordered a mountain of food, several buckets of chicken, assorted side dishes, and 40 or so biscuits. The clerk rang it all up and I paid for it with the money contributed by all, and got ready to take it all with me.

    The clerk looked up and (you guessed it!) asked me if this was for here….or to go. If I hadn’t been in such a stupor from the night before, I might have sat down and asked for extra napkins.

  10. I was in (to protect the name, we’ll say) Serveing over 1,000,000,000 people, I ordered some food toteling $5.60. I gave him $11.00. He looked at me like I WAS THE MORON.

    *** “what are you doing, it’s only 5.60?”

    * Just put in 11 on the damn register and you’ll find out what the shit I’m trying to do.

    *** “No your’e trying to play a joke on me”

    * I just want five back and if you give it to me in ones i swear i’ll break your face.

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