Overheard: Oyster Bar Edition

Engaged CoupleAfter finding the impossible present for Natalie today, I was quite proud and decided to celebrate at my luck by stopping at Tom’s Oyster Bar for some chowdah and a Guinness, henceforth known as the best lunch ever. Nearby was a boisterous couple. Their conversation was both amusing and ridiculous. I jotted down as much as I could on a napkin for your enjoyment, because I love you.

Background: She is from Miami and met him online. He wants her to move in with him, but she wants a ring on her finger first. All of her earthly possessions are in a van parked nearby. Her skin has seen too much of the Florida sun and has a crocodilian texture. He seems not to have seen daylight in many a year. I suspect she lured him out of hibernation, or perhaps, from under a bridge.

Her: “I’m clumshy. Everyone shinksh I’m drunk alla time, but itsh jusht clumshinesh.”

Her: “I won’t move my shtuff until you buy me a ring. Unnershtan?
Him: “I can’t afford no ring, I just bought you lunch.”
Her: “You can too. Jusht take my credit card and get me one.”
Him: “You gotta credit card?”
Her: “The other thing wuzh… [ pause ] Oh! My kidsh are afeared of you.”
Him: “If they say I touched them, they are fucking liars.”
Her: “I know. Fuck-fuckin’ kidsh. Hey, marry me.”

Her: “Look at thish bag. Ishn’t thish nishe?”
Him: “Yeah. Looks expensive.”
Her: “It ish! I got it at Macy’sh. It was at leasht $200.”
Him: “How’d you afford that?”
Her: “Silly. I shtole it.”
Him: “Cool.”

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27 Replies to “Overheard: Oyster Bar Edition”

  1. OOOMMMMGGG!
    I had to put my coffee down and clean off the monitor again. Dog Thongs. And to think, someone would actually pay $20 for one. Should buy one for my ex-mother-in-law. She could knock you out with her farts and then act like it was nothing. Would actually have to open all windows in the house to air it out. Jeez!

  2. Dog thong for the ladies cool,
    Sweata for the man dog with saying
    “Jingle me balls” on the back. Cooler.
    😐

  3. :evil:Republicans should not be allowed to go out in public and/or to breed. This is a perfect example of that.

  4. I actually saw a chair cushion for people who have a problem with farting. It was pretty funny reading the instruction. It basically said you must be sitting the it for it to work. I guess they were afraid that someone might put it on their head.

    Okay, cartoon is great. Sounds like bar talk in Thailand. “You big fat farang (foreigner) you marry and give lot money for sick buffalooo, mama, papa, famileeee, and me. Welcome to the “Farand Thai Bar” scence. 😆 Funny to listen the fools, but :hurl: don’t look at them.

  5. U R scaring me with that drawing, been in close proximity to similar when younger, now I’m gonna have nightmares :limp::hurl:

  6. I would laugh, but the thought that she has kids stopped me short. Hey Jerry Springer! I’ve got your new guests here!

  7. The thought that these two “human beings” even exist frightens me to my very core.:wtf:

    Whoever invented the dog thong should be beaten to death with their drawing board.

  8. Well, if you’re going to buy a doggie thong, at least you ought to get it from “the #1 name in flatuence odor control products”. I know when I need flatulence odor control, I head straight for Flat-D.

    :wtf:

    Sean

  9. Was that Britney and K-fed you overheard talking???????Oh, do they make those thongs in a cat version??I have 3 cats who use gas as a weapon when they dont want to be picked up!!!
    :wtf:

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