Notes to Self: No. 6,014-6,017

  1. Do not accidentally click on the iDVD button while looking at photos in iPhoto. All 4,000+ photos will try to load themselves into a movie clip at the same time, and that’s just wrong.
  2. No matter how tempting, do not tickle cat when her rear claws are positioned above your scrotum. Seriously.
  3. If it looks like it will topple off the shelf onto your head, it will.
  4. For the love of God, stop eating white cheese before bedtime. It makes you dream your girlfriend is turning into a pink goblin or a yodeling finger monkey.

21 Replies to “Notes to Self: No. 6,014-6,017”

  1. 5. For the love of god, don’t antagonize your proctologist :wtf:
    6. If you get 43/43 on the Web 2.0 or Star Wars game, don’t try to use that as a pickup line :limp:

  2. 1. if you are feeling slightly gassy in late morning, do not eat a pound of greek salad followed by coffee for lunch. This should go without saying.

    2. if the only free seat on the bus is next to you, and a pretty girl gets on board and sits there, it does not mean she likes you.

    3. it is normal for crazy people to be positioned every ten feet on every sidewalk of a large city. Repeat this to yourself, and everything will be ok after awhile.

  3. “No matter how tempting, do not tickle cat when her rear claws are positioned above your scrotum. Seriously.”

    I’ve done this and my boss’ assistant declared that I was no longer to give her a reason for calling in sick.

  4. No matter how tempting, do not tickle cat when her rear claws are positioned above your scrotum. Seriously.

    After all the things you’ve smashed it into, I’m surprised you still have one.

  5. Even if your name is written there,do not eat yellow snow.do not go to church after eating pickled eggs ,sausage,onions,,baked beans and beer.

  6. 5. Never try to eat anything bigger than your head. It’s really not healthy.
    6. Never antagonize the neighbors pit bull without first checking to make sure their gate is actually closed. Oops.
    7. Never use ‘pledge’ to clean wood floors. While it can be funny, ultimately, it ends badly.

  7. I got a 27, does that make me a dork? I don’t understand. as for note 6,016- you would think i would get that, but alas they fall and hit me every time 🙄

  8. don’t make eye contact with weirdoes. don’t even try to mark their position in your mental compass because they are crazy and will psychically hear you paying them attention.

    don’t tell crazy ex-girlfriends that they are crazy, especially on the off chance that they really ARE crazy and have just recently stopped taking their meds. this is bad on a catastrophic level, possibly requiring the assistance of Will ‘I save the Earth A lot’ Smith, or if he’s not available, run away.

    Don’t drink from the milk jug that goes ‘clunk’ when you shake it.

    Don’t suggest to your parents that they’re getting on in years, even as a joke.

    DO NOT eat lima beans, chick peas, garbonzo beans or olives. they are fruits of evi and their consumption marks you as a minion of evil. plus, they’re gross.

    DO NOT forget to leave a window open for your outside cat. if it has been trained to pee outside or in a litter box and there is no way to get outside and there is no litter box it will pee on you at 3AM. this is not as fun as it might sound.

    DO NOT look at the plus size women wearing the spandex. it’s just not safe.

    COoking bacon or other splatter-y food naked is never a wise idea, no matter how sexy you might think it is. unless you are a) Jennifer Love Hewitt or b) Natalie Portman. all right, basically, no naked cooking if you’re a guy.

  9. [Comment ID #73408 will be quoted here]
    No naked cooking for girls, either. It hurts the :boob: :boob:

  10. If you must tickle your cat while her rear claws are positioned above your scrotum, be sure you’re wearing pants. Or :undies: . Or something.

    P.S. Ouch.

    :limp:

  11. OK. jarjar. padme and landoo are givens. How the fuck did I get 28? Totally guessing.
    Mandy if you burn the boobs while frying the bacon I would be happy to apply first aid with a nice aloe vera lotion. What are friends for? :wang:

  12. [Comment ID #73387 will be quoted here]

    Finally, someone had to say it. Way to go!! 😆

  13. “No matter how tempting, do not tickle cat when her rear claws are postioned above your scrotum”.

    That’s what you get for introducing your inside cat to the mean outside cats…
    “Hey, sweet thing, you want to know how to put the fear of God into your human?
    Let me tell you how over catnip chasers…”
    or
    “He had you fixed, didn’t he? Time for equal payback…” 😆

  14. i’m conny, minn’s matron of honor for her wedding in september…i am trying to get in touch with everyone on her wedding filter to spread the word about what i’m trying to do for her before the big day…she and alex are registered at http://ww5.williams-sonoma.com/ and at http://www.crateandbarrel.com/. Please let me know if you would like to send them something that needs to arrive to them by September 22nd…also, if you have any special words to say to minnie and alex, please email me at my lj account, as i’m putting a keepsake together with well-wishes and advice from her friends…

    thanks so much!

  15. I am back finally. I was a little busy, because I was starting to teach English as a freelance. Finally, I have no smelly, sweaty, fat, hairy, ugly boss.

    Note to self.

    It’s never the wrong time for tequila, but don’t drink half the bottle.

    Don’t talk to morons or mouth-breathers. It is very difficult not to laugh at them.

    Don’t eat spicy food when you have the runs.

    Ok guys. Don’t hate me. I actually scored 30 on that test. I amshamed. Please Davezilla don’t ban me.

    Happy National Failures Day everyone. One failure is still in the White House.

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