Notes to self: 4,705-4,709

  1. Do not rub eyes after using the kitchen sponge.
  2. Do not look at the hot secretary while walking towards the heavy glass door.
  3. Check your zipper before meeting new clients. 😳
  4. No matter how tempting or funny it seems, do not put tortilla chips on the cats’ heads. They will wait until lights out and retaliate.
  5. Never trust a woman who wears enough mascara to scare a raccoon.
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25 Replies to “Notes to self: 4,705-4,709”

  1. WOOHOO! 6 comments in 12 minutes! PARTY! Not that I actually have anything to say, as my big sis once again stole my joke, but I just had to keep the momentum going… OK, I’ll shut up now.

    PJLB

  2. :boobs::boobs::boobs::boobs:
    That’s all I have to say.

    Natalie, you should be showing Stacy how to fix the zippers. Stacy will be commando and and and and OK, :boobs::boobs::boobs::boobs::boobs::boobs::boobs:

  3. Well, okay … 1 – 4 are rather stupid things to do. But can someone explain why scaring a racoon is a bad thing?
    [don’t you touch my mascara!!!]

  4. “I can’t say enough good things about the “University of Nigeria” and am pleased to announce completion the of my masters degree in identity displacement. Thanks, to them I now own the company I used to work for and am well on the way to making my first $100,000,000! Can’t wait till my doctorate in “Pimpin’ Bitches” arrives next week!”

    Mr. Casey James Baker (U.K)

    Anyway enough of my academic successes and financial achievements, lets get on to today’s post and more importantly I’d like to welcome Dave into the brotherhood of “Potato Chip, Cat Buckeroo.”

    For those unfamiliar with the terminology, it is indeed the sport of kings and taken very seriously amongst the gentry.
    Fortunes and lives have been lost in some cases, the outcome decided by the flick of a chip and the swish of an angry tail.

    Another game my cat enjoys is “Clean Washing Pile Demolition Derby”.

    Here are the rules:

    1/ Spend forever on a Sunday afternoon ironing clean shirts for the week.

    2/ Place said pile of shirts on the sideboard ready for Monday morning.

    3/ See how long it takes before your cat sits on them and covers them in hair, which incidentally has adhesive qualities N.A.S.A would be proud of!

    Soda, my ever loyal cat, also plays a variant of this, called “Pull my nice clean towels off the heated towel rack and roll around on them until they are YET again covered by more bloody hair!” 😡

    I don’t know the full rules of the game (not being a cat), but let’s just say I’m seriously thinking about introducing Soda to a new human game called “Space Cat in the Washing Machine of Doom.” 👿

  5. Davezilla,
    Did you have a challenging day, thats a lot of notes to self? I too am glad about your list not including hot sauce. Did you walk into the glass door so that the hottie saw you?
    Thanks for the usefull tips.
    Frisko

  6. I did indeed. Blame it on Mercury being retrograde or whatever you want. One of our secretaries looks like a 20 year-old Catherine Zeta-Jones, so I was being a stupid male when she bent over to pick up a package (a mail package, not a male package) from the floor and I smashed my hand between the heavy glass door and door jamb. 😳

  7. ReV,
    Soda thinks you do all those nice things like ironing, and heating towels for him/her.

    As a professional meanie (Universtity of Nigeria), might I suggest the following to aide Soda in reforming.
    A.) Move food, water and litter outside, and inform Soda that she should wait patiently for the trash collector to pick her up.

    B.) Squirt Soda with water when she does things that piss you off

    C.) Introduce Soda to the vaccum cleaner in the ON position. Inform her that this is the machine humans use to remove unwanted cat hair. If she thinks the vet is spookie, just wait.

    Good Luck

    PS
    Cats clog the washer.

    Frisko the Mean

  8. Dave,

    I think you should worry a little bit more about other parts of you anatomy and heavy doors.

    It’s lucky that Natalie isn’t the jealous type.

    I for one would hate to be asleep and dreaming of Catherine Zeta Jones’, only to be rudely awakened in a “Bobbitt” kinda of a way.

    :-?:

  9. Never trust a woman who wears enough mascara to scare a raccoon…………….

    Unless you’ve been drinking and are out late trying to scare racoons!!! 😛

  10. Spectre: I was told last night that the cat in question would eat the tortilla chip, but save a few remaining crumbs to bring to bed at night.

    I’m just hoping the kitty doesn’t bring me a few crispy little presents when I’m over, although I can think of much worse things that cats could gift their owners with in the middle of the night.

  11. Dave,it seems as though Natalie’s long-distance psychic powers are stronger then you think. Perhaps #1 & #3 are further retribution for #2. Beware all-seeing Canadian women.

  12. Natalie – ah. I was thinking more along the lines of “Kamakaze Kitty and the Wardrobe of Great Height”. Subtle works too, I suppose.

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