More people we dislike #16

  1. Children that have a complete meltdown in public and need to be dragged out because the little apes refuse to use their God-given legs. Sell these future Wal-Mart greeters on the Black Market. Or eBay. Do it now.
  2. Anyone who needs more than five attempts to parallel park. These inbreds need to have their licenses revoked and be forced to walk.
  3. Couples that use their pet nicknames for each other while ordering at restaurants. Hey, Pookiebutt. If you insist on talking like you’re two years-old, then we will treat you like you are. From now on, you will be forced to wear adult diapers everywhere and order from the kids’ menu.
  4. People who claim to be reincarnated from someone famous. Guess what, Peter Proud? Reincarnation works upwards. That means you should be King of the Fucking Universe by now. You’re not. You’re still sweeping floors at Tim Hortons. Your next life willl be spent extracting semen from hogs on a commercial pig farm.
  5. Anyone who claims to have met their soul mate. By Googling. You deserve the next ten years you will spend in the courts trying to reclaim your life savings.
  6. Asssholes who view the entire world through their astrology chart, as if this gives them carte blanche to behave poorly. “Oh, well you know, I’m a Scorpio, so it’s expected that I will rape your Chihuahua. Sorry!” Stop blaming inanimate, planetary bodies for your own inexcusable actions.
  7. Shapeless couch potatoes who claim to have gotten a black belt in some martial art that hasn’t been taught in 300 years. Listen Daniel-san, if you’ve attained that level, then you’d have enough self-esteem to stay in shape, instead of stuffing your cake-hole with Nacho Cheese Doritos during your all-night, estrogen-free LAN parties.
  8. Who’s pissing you off, lately?
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42 Replies to “More people we dislike #16”

  1. I woke up to snow on the ground this morning, so everything pisses me off.

    The only thing that could brighten things up would be AnnieB’s weekend avatar.

  2. stuffy bosses who hand you a public boggdown and then call you son. “is you seen ma mama shoes under yor fuxing bed,yu mukafutha”

    sonomabitches who want to shake your hand with them clammy hands you don’t know where they’ve been

    i have a list here someplace let me get back to you. am at work and my boss expects me to be working so it might take a while. Nairobi,Kenya 1.30pm

  3. People who don’t use their turn signals. You wouldn’t buy a car without them, so use the damn things! They even make cars with blinkers on the side view mirrors! USE THEM! You are’nt so freaking special that I should know exactly what you are going to do next!

  4. People who don’t use their turn signals. You wouldn’t buy a car without them, so use the damn things! They even make cars with blinkers on the side view mirrors! USE THEM! You are’nt so freaking special that I should know exactly what you are going to do next!

  5. People who say things like “irregardless” and “pacific” instead of specific…learn proper English!!! Sheesh! :wtf:

  6. [Comment ID #210030 will be quoted here]

    I live in SoCal, I’ll settle for bad English…Any English

  7. Wow, Dave, don’t hold back there, it’s good to let to it out.

    As for the 12 products from hell, I don’t think anyone, anywhere has come up with a better title.

    “Pork Brains in milk gravy just does it for me every-time, I know I feel hungry now, don’t you?

    :wtf: :puke: :geek:

  8. Anyone in the universe who has ever said:
    “So does the girl come with the car? Ha, ha!”

    People who stop to have conversations in public doorways.

    Anybody who somehow liked the film ‘Moulin Rouge’.

    Men who keep their loose change in a purse.

  9. As for the couch potato thing. How the 300lb+ foodball fan that watches every game and knows every stat on every fuckig player and talks about when he was a high school football star. Yet, just the act of struggling off the coutch, waddling to the kitchen for another meatball sub an six pack of bud makes them wheeze like a steam engine that is about to blow a gasket.

    Or, the same fan who sits in a bar or pub, stuffing his face, guzzling pitchers and YELLING at the top of his goddamn lungs at the TV.
    Sometimes cholesterol just does not clog fast enough.

  10. [Comment ID #210031 will be quoted here]
    2nd that one Dave. And let’s not forget the cell phone yapping, over-sized SUV driving a-holes cruising the fast lane at a breakneck speed of 50MPH, oblivious to their rude behavior despite the fact that car after car passes them on the RIGHT.
    Lastly, we can’t forget the supermarket bag lady, complete with one drooping knee high stocking, cigarette dangling from her lip and curlers in her hair, wasting space in the 10 items or less checkout lane with 16 items in her shopping cart, searching through 1000 coupons stuffed into her change purse to save 7 cents!

  11. SOLUTIONS:
    1. parent ignores behavior, checks out, leaves store, loads groceries in trunk, gets in car and starts engine, proceeds to drive away. guaranteed at some point in the process the little fucker finds his legs.
    2. stop your car just beside them when they are on the diagonal so they have to sit there for a while unable to move.
    3. introduce yourself as ron popeel and ask if you can use their petnames as future names for useless products you will be inventing ie. the bubbycake fucktard-o-matic.
    4. tell them there is no such thing as re-incarnation and that they are facing life imprisonment as themselves with no chance for parole. however, if there was such a thing, this would be it for you anyway because this is as high as dung beetle can evolve.
    5. tell them that you didn’t realize they had a psycho in mind for a soul mate when they started on their digital love journey but that you are glad they found their perfect match.
    6. tell them “i read your future is dependant on the gravitional pull of uranus this year.”
    7. let the guy know that you have noticed that he seems to have been in some sort of mental samurai battle with himself for some time and that you are wondering if he’s mastering the conflict by kicking the shit out of himself right now or if he’s running away as a best defense.
    8. relatives that “really want to see you” but turns out they really want to judge you.
    9. people who write really long stupid shit on other peoples blog sites because it’s lunch time and i have nothing better to do…….uh i meant “they”.

  12. People who slap stick-on Jesus fish onto their car, believing that it gives them license to drive like a complete asshole.

  13. People who don’t hire me! I need a job! And money too!

    Also those people who think they’re better than everyone else. Those bitches deserve a razorblade apple. 👿

  14. Assholes who fly up the right lane, cut in front of you before the next row of parked cars (with millimeters to spare), then slam their brakes- beware of these in city traffic, usually have large chrome rims, thumping sounds that vibrate everything within a 1 mile radius, driver’s seat so far reclined the driver is not visible, you get the picture, etc. Don’t forget the j-walkers who so generously allow us to drive on their roads free of charge, but guilt us with their glaring stare

    Stray cats who break through a screen and eat your young daughter’s pet mice (two days after getting them)after busting the (50 @#$%ing dollar)cage on the floor.

  15. [Comment ID #210033 will be quoted here]

    Bingo! Self-absorbed morons.

    Other than that, I’m pretty mellow most of the time. 😛

  16. Assholes who have adopted parking in handicapped- parking spots as a strategy/way of life, saying breezily as they saunter away, “Oh, I’m just going to be about 5 minutes!”, before disappearing for two hours. Meanwhile, a parade of elderly/blind/paraplegics are left despairingly circling the block with their caretakers for the 47th time.
    (Solution: “Hey, if you’re going to park in the disabled-parking space, get back here and let me disable you!”, he said, reaching for his new 50-caliber US-made sniper rifle.)

  17. Kids that, when provoked, cannot come up with anything better then to repeat what you just told them, but in a mocking voice.

  18. Junkman-Love the solutions. Proven effective in real life situations.

    Meagan-We’re hiring. You’d have to move to NM though. I’ve got a spare dungeon you can use till you get settled. Just type in http://www.nmcourts.com 😉

    ~People who judge you for ignoring temper tantrum throwing child and walking away OR for grabbing hold of said child at first sign of said tantrum and saying in a loud commanding voice “Child, if you don’t cut your shit I will smack you straight into the middle of next week.”

    ~Gross Exagerrated R rated PDA when my son is standing 5 feet away from you.

    ~Drivers who pull up next to a car and proceed to drive the same speed impeding your passing or advancing.

    ~PEOPLE WITH LIMP HANDSHAKES! I lose all respect for you if I shake a wet noodle hand.

    ~I love happy comfortable-with-themselves fat people. Hate miserable fat people who complain about being fat but say no when I offer to…walk around the block every afternoon with them, try this new exercise video at home with me, lets share the Coney and order salads, I don’t want buffet today lets have something light, I have an ‘invite friend free’ gym membership sign on wanna go?, etc…

    ~People who roll their eyes when I say I have trouble gaining and keeping weight. It’s a real problem people and equally damaging to self-esteem it’s only on the opposite end of the spectrum. I’m not embarrased, it’s life. If I am open enough to talk to you about my sexcapades, bodily functions, fantasies and dreams/goals/fears what makes you think I’m gonna censor myself about my wieght, SPECIALLY when you get to complain about yours!

    *When my weight starts plummeting I panic and get scared and suffer through a series of illogical mind processes as well as steps to gain that weight back that can/may be/are harmful to myself. (the equal to binging and purging, dangerous diets, anorexia, bulemia, etc)

    My current weight is a healthy (my term) 125-30 lbs. According to the medical charts I’m overweight for my size but I struggled at 90-105 lbs depressed, weak, exhausted and with extremely low self esteem. I have a thyroid problem too but I’m doing what I can to control/fix it dammit, and I’m happy how I am! Don’t call me fat!! I’M NOT FAT!!! And NO I’M NOT GOING BACK TO MY OLD WEIGHT I DON’T LIKE THE SKELETAL LOOK IT’S DISGUSTING!!!! LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!!!! 👿
    That’s what I’d really like to say when people tell me ‘You’re getting kinda heavy aren’t you?’ :wtf: ‘Wow, I remember when you were so thin and so pretty!’ :puke:

    Sorry guys…I got my own little tirade thing going on here. Some stuff just eventually gets to you… 🙄
    I smile big and say ‘Yeah, I’ve finally reached my goal, I weigh 130 lbs now! 😆 I feel so much better, you wouldn’t believe!’ Then I change the subject. 😈 Leaves them kinda speechless.

  19. SteveC-Your avatar, is that Jesus on a condom? Cuz tha’s what it looks like to me. And if so, when you wear it you can truly say you’ve got Jesus on the head… 😛

  20. [Comment ID #210053 will be quoted here]

    For the rant – gimme fifteen. Oh, and I’m trying to get back to my original weight – 6 lbs, 8 oz. 😛

    For the avatar, google “SNL cowbell” to find your answer.

  21. Sorry to sound too much like a fucking kid but….
    1. TEACHERS
    2. PARENTS
    3. BRITNEY SPEARS
    4. People that think they are smarter than me because I’m just a kid, then they turn out to be complete retards.
    5. People that smoke, then blow the smoke in your face, marijuana smoke STINGS your eyes.
    6. People in general.

  22. Not going to quote the whole thing but I can honestly say that I have never been accused of having a wet noodle. Handshake or otherwise.

  23. [Comment ID #210031 will be quoted here]

    I live in Florida and, believe me, I feel your pain!

  24. The Best School Mom Ever! I hate this woman. She is at every school function, PTA meeting, School Board vote and is the one who starts all those petitions for something assinine like “No more tuna, or Mega-Vegitarian Mondays. She always shows up the the bake sale with perfectly baked goods that were not bought at the store, in some cute coordinating outfit for what ever holiday is recent. She also is the one with the kids who always have the most relevent backpack, game, toy, clothes, etc…. BLECK! I hate this woman to the nth degree!!! I wish she’d just DIE! :dead: :dead: :dead:

  25. :evil:Oh, and people who give me dirty looks when I try to discipline my unruly child in the store, restaurant, whatever. You bitch that my kid is being an asshole, but when I snatch the little punk up and threaten his life if he doesn’t behave, you are alerting the authorities! Get real! I actually had one of these “helpful” souls tell me I needed to draw mychild a clown to make him behave instead of spanking his ass for misbehaving. You wonder why we have so many sociopaths in the world. Too many people drawing clowns!

  26. [Comment ID #210225 will be quoted here]

    I find that using the kiddy taser works best. Use it once and from then on, all you have to do is threaten them with it. Calms the little anti-social bastards … I mean, kids … right down. No fuss, no muss.

  27. [Comment ID #210055 will be quoted here]

    😳 Sir, yes sir!

    [Comment ID #210229 will be quoted here]

    They have kiddie tasers?! :wtf: I’ve been using a cattle prod!! 😈

  28. People that annoy me…

    • White guys from Michigan that dress in all-white for a solid year. WTF?

    • Approaching middle-aged white guys from the midwest who are Africian priests.

    • Smarmy liberal bloggers who whine about people they don’t like.

    • Posters who troll/take shots at smarmy liberal bloggers.

    😮

  29. LUNG: I totally agree with you on Moulin Rouge.
    ————————————-

    Repairmen that don’t call you back the day they say, don’t show up at ALL on the day scheduled, then won’t answer their phone when YOU call them.

    Politicians. All of ’em.

    My all day long door-slamming neighbors and their 2 run-like-elephants-while-screaming-at-the-top-of-their-lungs kids.

    People in the supermarket that are about to enter the aisle you are in and see you coming toward them only to enter and block the entire aisle as if they never saw you in the first place.

    Those no blinker using people that others mentioned along with the tailgater that finally speeds past you only to dash right back in front of you forcing you to slow down….and then they turn immediately anyway.

    Madonna.

    Sports fans that try to start a fight with you in public for no reason other than because you are wearing an article of clothing that happens to support their team’s rival.

    Fat people that order 2 trays worth of food for themself at McDonalds and small DIET Coke. Yeah that’ll counteract the other 4500 calories and 5 pounds of cholesterol dumbass…

  30. I have just read all the comments on “more people we dont like”
    and I have to say, the comments were right on and absolutely hilarious! I love the child tasers, wish they had them when my kids were little. We had to settle for coat hangers and electrical cords…lol
    Thanks

  31. put me down for two of them tasers. am not a parent but neither is my neighbor with her pain-in-the-deepest-part-of-the-rectum child. I mean, this kid was all i needed to submit for the surgeon to agree to do a vasectomy on my childless ass. O, by the way is it still ikay to kick the crap, i mean discipline your neighbor’s child for them? 👿 ❓ 🙁 :limp: i mean she walked in on my action people!!!! :limp: a major buzz killer!

  32. People who act snotty, antisocial, and SHITTY to someone because they are taking it upon themselves to punish the person based on Bullshit lies made up by a conniving, con-artist, delusional bartender whose friendly personality is fake, (an act) and she has friends spreading Bullshit lies about that person being antisocial.

  33. [Comment ID #210035 will be quoted here]

    Nope, I do believe Mike Rowe has made a living doing just that on Dirty Jobs, that t.v. show on Discovery. So far he’s been to both, a horse farm, and a hog farm, and ended up “manually assisting” the animals during breeding segments on the show (during two separate episodes).

    Personally? I won’t be happy until/unless the man goes through all possible “jerkable” mammals!

    Qualitay t.v. programming!

  34. [Comment ID #210242 will be quoted here]
    Speaking as an Appliance Tech, I’ll take the other side of that repairman gripe. I hate customers who schedule an appointment then aren’t home during the set time. They are incapable of calling to let me know to avoid a wasted trip and then when I call, they either say “Oooppss, I forgot but do you mind waiting there for me to come home, it’ll only take 1/2 to 1 hour…” or “We decided to go out to do something fun instead. Oh Well…” Some, also, are totally incapable of giving you a good number to call. All of them are then offended when you charge for that wasted trip, expecting instead for you to eat the fuel and lost time… 👿

  35. I’m sorry if my post (above) seemed like a rant but it’s not like I went into naming names, and no one here knows who I’m talking about anyway.

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