An Open Letter to Marriott Hotels

Dear Marriott,

I spend many nights in your hotels on various business trips. Generally, I have a good stay. Your staff is courteous and helpful, the rooms clean. But I do have a few suggestions.

  1. English Muffins should generally made from flour, not a high-quality latex rubber. You might want to look into that.
  2. Your “Orange Ginger” hand lotion should be renamed “Lemon Pledge” as its scent is a dead ringer for the wood polish
  3. Not wishing to repeat a breakfast of latex muffins, this morning I opted for hash brown potatoes. HINT: they need to be cooked before they can be served.
  4. (Also, one ugly garnish per plate is sufficient)

smashed-browns

21 Replies to “An Open Letter to Marriott Hotels”

  1. though the rooms are good,when you put the heat on for more than 5 minutes your tongue sticks to the roof of your mouth, and your nose stops up because it is Sooo Dry!

    Why do I have to let the water run 20 minutes to get it up to warm let alone hot
    The plastic shower caps make very poor condoms

  2. Yes Dave,

    I concur.

    Thats why I choose Radisson Hotels for my overnightly stays abroad.

    I can’t say its always been a bed of roses..as I will explain

    One night I landed in Schieffel airport (HOLLAND) and was driven to my hotel of choice…it had a mini bar and of course the obligatory MICROSOFT building next door.

    So I unpacked my things and headed into the night (Not forgetting to place all my valuables into the safe that all the staff know the code to)

    After an evening playing a traditional board game where you move stones and smoke things and a women from under a trapdoor gives you oral sex……….oh I believe its called Monopoly! I headed home/hotel for a relaxing evening of spinning room /minibar….I believe its called ….Chess yep thats the one.

    Then bored, due to lack of stimulation, I perused the strange brown book they leave on the side..NOT BIBLE…the other one and had a shower.

    Now post shower I was in me jammies (stripey.Nice) and lying in my bed looking at the ceiling!

    Not tired, I thought ” What can I Do now?”……….hey its brown book time! (NOT BIBLE MAY I ADD).

    So there it was……..a footnote in the industrial mechanism known only as, after hours service.

    “Yes…….I would like my sheets turned down!” I blurted to the already stoned receptionist downstairs………..

    Less than 30 minutes later two women knocked on the door…………

    Imagine my ABSOLUTE horror when they wanted to not only play Monopoly and Chess..but indeed sir………….BACKGAMMON as well!

    The nerve of it…..

    That morning I was, well ENGLISHLY fuming, and asked to see the bill!

    According to Radisson……….

    18 packs of pringles! £12:80

    4 packs of Rizla (rolling papers) £3:00

    1 Turning Down £230!

    P.S I normally get turned down for free!

    I was livid….Not only had these two women forced me to play their native games but they had the cheek to charge for it and most of the time I sat out whilst they played together!

    In short.

    Don’t complain about Marriot Hotels.

    P.S After all that they didnt even “turn my sheets down” and mr room was haunted too……..

    ECTOPLASM ALL OVER THE BED NEXT MORNING!

    I kid you not……….. :knickers:

  3. The name “Marriott” used to mean a quality room and great service. Now, it’s just so pedestrian. I stood in line for thirty minutes to check out the last time I was there. I won’t go back. Too many other choices out there. I refuse to pay for the privilege of being abused, especially if there’s no potential for orgasm as the happy ending!

  4. Yes, Dave – They’re called hash browns for a reason. Not hash yellows. BTW – Why not something actually GOOD for you like oatmeal?

    Note to ReV.JellYBaby – For god’s sake, take some tranquilizers

  5. Dear Dave aka (BigwavDave..Wav = wave? = Wide Area Verbal?),

    Although your picture of a vanilla, chocolate, amoeba lollypop is humorous to me I will however take your advice.Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz sleeping now…..Mummy I want milk.Oh and shit brown lollypops too with bells on their heads! LOL 👿 If you put three in a line you get three bells and a blow job. :boob:

    P.S Dont order that in Radisson btw….Dave turns up in a unitard!

    P.P.S UNITARD! LOL sounds like a special needs kid with a horn……..They want hugs too you know..just watch the ribcage okay spazzy. lol

    P.P.S Dont order that in a Marriot…Dave turns up….although I add……..Dressed to kill. 😉

  6. -i once found a pair of women’s panties hanging on the back of the bathroom door. they were sexy so it’s hard to say wether this was good or bad.

    -the pwned kid was great.

    -hey dave, thanks for setting me straight on the “hottest” link yesterday. i missed it and it was certainly not to be missed. nice :boob: shot ❗ if i could vote again i would ❗

  7. Firstly – Bacon – bacon in the morning is a great way to start your day.

    Secondly – Rev – Guns, because they do the job.

  8. [quote comment=”604031″]Dear Dave aka (BigwavDave..Wav = wave? = Wide Area Verbal?),

    Although your picture of a vanilla, chocolate, amoeba lollypop is humorous to me I will however take your advice.Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz sleeping now…..Mummy I want milk.Oh and shit brown lollypops too with bells on their heads! LOL 👿 If you put three in a line you get three bells and a blow job. :boob:

    P.S Dont order that in Radisson btw….Dave turns up in a unitard!

    P.P.S UNITARD! LOL sounds like a special needs kid with a horn……..They want hugs too you know..just watch the ribcage okay spazzy. lol

    P.P.S Dont order that in a Marriot…Dave turns up….although I add……..Dressed to kill. ;-)[/quote]

    Hey Rev? Crack is bad. 😛

  9. Dave, that plate of food looks like what my rabbit gets on a daily basis. The only thing missing is the “VitaMixer” to make it into a smoothie. 😆

    Rev, is this that ‘other side of the pond’ humor? Otherwise, I’m sad to inform you that your A.D.D. is kicking in big time… :wtf:

  10. [quote comment=”605006″]Is that a disclaimer placed not-so-discretely on your tray, next to your plate? Maybe it disclaimed the hash browns so you can’t sue?[/quote]
    It was a hint to call room service to have the tray taken away, Mandy. I guess it was meant to warn me to have the tray taken away before I actually attempted to eat anything.

  11. English muffins need the latex to maintain that stiff-upper-lip texture.
    French muffins on the other hand are soft, smouldering and stuffed with butter.
    (see Last Tango in Paris)

  12. @ Rev – For those of us who know and love him, WAV stands for Warm And Valiant or Wonder At Vaginas, I forget which… 😛

  13. Dear Dave (zilla),

    It is with much remorse, that I now offer a heart felt apologie for my random outburst earlier in the face of what in hindsight was minimal provocation by Warm And Vaginas (thanks for clearing that abbreviation up AnnieB btw)…

    The volley of random tranquilizer fueled abuse I targeted DaveWAV with was uncalled for and quite incorrect. Hopefully in time his family and friends will learn to cope with the mental anguish I unwittingly caused in these troubled, wartorn, economically uncertain times, 9/11 and more locally 20/12.

    Today in MY mind will always be known as 01/08.

    Furthermore, I also see that a special needs kid with a horn on his head, should not be referred to as a “unitard”.

    Nor would lining up amoeba shaped lollypops with bells on result in a jackpot of any kind….let alone oral sex.

    To even think DaveWAV would turn up in order to administer the aforementioned “prize” was again ludicrous by it’s very suggestion and a slur or his good name and lollipop/amoeba iconography he has chosen to represent himself with.

    The picture is a statement of his identity to his readers and therefore not to be used in any gambling/oral sex statements where the number in his posession may just be one and not three at all, which would clearly be required, should my suggested game occur.

    Which of course it would NOT, as it is a figment of my imagination and in no way a representation of the views of the producers of this statement.

    I see that now. 🙄

    SORRY.

    🙁

  14. [quote comment=”606352″]@ Rev – For those of us who know and love him, WAV stands for Warm And Valiant or Wonder At Vaginas, I forget which…

    :P[/quote]
    :kiss:

  15. Me too……….Warm and Vaginas! lol how remiss of me, you Warm and Valiant lollipop you!

    Wonder At Vagina’s?

    Me TOO!

    Mandy osm?

    😯 ACTUALLY……..

    j/k……..nsm…………..osm………. and Three Squeak for Breakfast?

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