Last Minute Gift Ideas

This year, give gifts that they’ll never forget. Or forgive.

  1. A bucket of fresh, molten lava
  2. Their very own Manure Spreader
  3. A stack of stolen porn
  4. An Igia Hair Removal kit
  5. A map of Guam
  6. A new tongue scraper
  7. An actual Jivaro shrunken head
  8. A sea lamprey
  9. A date with this woman
  10. A bowl of eyelashes
  11. What are you planning on buying this year?
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27 Replies to “Last Minute Gift Ideas”

  1. I plan on buying a 6 pack of Jack Daniels & Coke, sitting quietly in the backyard, listening to some music and chilling out.

    😛

  2. My mom and I exchanged gifts at an Italian restaurant last night (my treat). I gave her a stained-glass jester with butterfly designs.

    She handed me a big box and said the gift was “traditional.” I told her without opening it that I had been wanting some aftershave. She laughed because I had guessed right like a number of times in the past. The garlic bread was good enough for a vampire.

    Saw Clooney in “Syriana” last night. An exquisite film, quite different from the usual fare, great scenes and music. From the previews I thought it would be a fast-paced thriller, but it’s not. There’s sort on an underlying intensity about it, but also a calm serenity. The visuals were sort of over-lighted and they transformed everyday life into surreal moments. I liked the global perspective, something almost entirely new for a film. I highly recommend the movie if you like “art films” or slower films such as “Gattaca.” I give it a big :wang: up.

  3. loving gift from my children

    Pink shampoo placed in strawberry soda glassbottles.

    allways smell before you drink.

  4. I was thinking for my lady friends a free night of ecstacy in the bedroom of their choice. For my current girlfriend, a “special service”. For the mother of my son, a blindfold and a set of handcuffs.

  5. If a man was up for a date with the Osyter bar woman they’d be sure to get an extravegant gift…It would only cost them an engagement ring. 😀

  6. I was thinking of something along the line of “Ceramic Carrots”–or the Life and Times of Peter Pan–you know something nobody has thought of…WOOOO HOOOO i can’t wait to see the looks on their precious faces!!!
    CHEERS!!! to all

  7. Nina-
    I’m thinking the Oyster Bar woman would cost a man more than an engagement ring…Christmas STD’s for all the men in the bar!!! :limp:

  8. Nice soft throws so they can drape then over their big cold heads to thaw out their brains…I mean pretty coverletts to cover their legs when they watch tv…it is Christmas after all and ya gotta be nice…:razz:

  9. more retainer money to my lawyer due the fact the old lady filed for divorce for christmas this year

    bitch

  10. Look on the bright side MrDoug…you won’t have to buy the bitch any more Christmas gifts.

  11. OK, I would love to get a manure-spreader. Keeps your horse-pastures healthier. But I need a tractor first. You know, for your list.

  12. can’t be as bad as what i got the old man got me a pink lava lamp not the nabers think i have a whore house:limp::limp:

  13. I want a Red Ryder BB gun (opps, sorry, favorite line). As for giving gifts to my friends and family… hmmm, it looks like animated e-cards again:lol:

    I agree with Kismet that King Kong was not worth the money I paid to see it. The first 50 percent put me to sleep a couple of times. The parts on Skull Island and the ones where Kong Boy is ripping apart NYC were great. I got sick of the woman who played Ann Darrow. Every time she looked longingly into the eyes of her pet monkey, I was hoping he would slap her again like on Skull Island. In conclusion, I would love to see the alternative ending. I for one would Kong to say “Stop fucking with my head bitch!!!!” and then flatten her with the giant fly swatter.

  14. everyone is getting a free gallon of gas gift certificates on me, to use in emergency gas hike price wars only non transferable or redemable for cash.:razz:

  15. I heard a commercial for a liposuction gift certificate from a plastic surgeon.My husband would be getting a divorce for Christmas if he gave me that:dead:

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