Imponderables

  1. If someone tells you they are at your disposal, does that mean they are standing by your kitchen sink?
  2. If a AA bra that is extra small, and a DD bra is extra large, why are there no BB or CC bras for women who are nicely average?
  3. What the hell kinda name is Chock full o’ Nuts anyway? Coffee ain’t a nut; it’s a berry.
  4. What have you been pondering, lately?

46 Replies to “Imponderables”

  1. First! WooHoo!

    1. If Michael Jackson stood under heat lamps, would he melt like the Nazi Agent in Raiders of the Lost Ark?

    2. If a tree fell on a mime in the forest and no one was around, would anyone care?

    3. How is it that AnnieB hasn’t beat Flash within an inch of his life? 😛

    4. How is it that a Christian organization can advertise on the web for a white Christian lady but want all replies sent snail mail? :wtf:

  2. Why is it that when someone asks if they can contact you on your cell phone and you tell them that you don’t own a cell phone and give them your HOME phone number instead, they react as if just asked them to carve their message on stone tablets and send them to you via woolly mammoth?

    Just where the hell ARE all the baby pigeons?

    If everything tastes like chicken then what does chicken taste like?

    Why is a stop light still called a stop light even when it turns green?

    How do they get the last pickle in the jar when you can’t get the first one out without some kind of MacGyver-like ingenuity?

    If the Surgeon General is so worried about the health of America then why doesn’t he just put “YOU WILL DIE IF YOU EAT THIS” warning labels on vegetables so that people will eat them? People love to do stuff that they shouldn’t…

    Why do fast food places even serve diet soda? As if cutting out that 100 calories is going to counteract the 498 grams of fat you just crammed down your gullet.

    Why aren’t there any commercials for masculine hygiene products?

    Why am I not drinking a beer right now?

  3. If Mandy and Astryd were put in the same room together would they spontaneously combust?

    damn them girls are HOTT!

    🙂

  4. WHAT DOES GERONIMO YELL WHEN HE JUMPS? what color does a smurf turn when choking? how come you can prick a finger but you can’t finger a prick? what does a turkey eat for thanksgiving?…. imponderables, i could do this all day….

  5. Why does a kid always wait till the best part of a movie to ask why the moon is white?

    When kids hear you doing something like typing on the computer why do they always ask what your doing when that should be self evident?

    Ever notice that when your busy kids find a thousand things they want you to do right now but when you ask them what they want to do its always the same “I don’t know, nothing right now”?

    Have you ever noticed that when a baby is born everyone always goes “Oh what a beautiful baby” but in truth how many of you think a new born is beautiful?

    Maybe i’m just lost when it comes to kids but then you ever notice that as a parent your suppose to know everything but they don’t come with a manual?
    :wtf:

    I’ve been doing this for 16 years and still don’t know a thing about kids 😛 🙁 🙄

  6. [Comment ID #279600 will appear here]

    That cost me about 5 minutes of monitor screen cleaning!

    😆 😀 😆 😀 😆

  7. Why is it when a man wishes to understand women, he must first learn how to dribble a football? I guess it’s some sort of Zen thing.

  8. If it’s true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

    Maybe the American Dream is over. Maybe there’s no people with a brain in their head left to lead us. Is it possible we could just go back to being somebody else’s colony?

    Why is pants plural?

    Everytime I go to the barber shop, I see at least one guy, maybe more, that are 90% or more bald. And their haircut takes as long as mine. Why, and why?

    (Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.)

    Why do fugly women over 70 years old pay good money to get their hair done? Who cares anymore? Who looks and says, “Wow! Lookin’ gooood!”

    How come, when it’s 0 degrees outside, the weather spewer doesn’t just say, “That’s nuthin’.”

    How come, when it’s really really bitterly cold outside, the weather vomitter says, “Don’t forget to wear a hat, and remember to bundle up those kiddies!”? Does she think, that after decades and decades of living thru these winters, that we still forget to do that?

    Why do the weather pukers say at 32 degrees, “It’s even freezin’? That doesn’t rhyme!

    Why do you need a license to get married, or even to catch a fish, but not to have babies?

    Why is traffic so slow during rush hour?

  9. They say “once you go black, you never go back,” but what happens when you go white, tan or even purple?

    Why do customers always come just as you’re closing up shop? And then get mad when you say you’re closed? Read the sign, moron! We close at 7! 👿

  10. If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does, he become disoriented?

    If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren’t people from Holland called Holes?

    If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

    If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?

  11. Baby Pigeons: In one of my jobs as a “High rigger” (putting up chicken-wire screening on
    a building to prevent pigeons from landing/roosting/defecating), I came upon a nest of 5
    baby-pigeons in a high, secluded space. I and my workmates were temporarily nonsurplussed
    as to what to do. However, observing a newly arrived/highly agitated pigeon just outside our workspace, I decided to put the nest in a convenient milk carton and lower the
    contraption to the next outside level of the building. The mother followed the nest down & immediately began catering to her brood.

    In other words, baby pigeons DO exist- just not in any space that normal humans have access to!

  12. Steven Wright (Comedian): “I went to a store that said, ‘Open 24 Hours’ and the guy inside was just locking up and starting to walk away. I said, ‘I thought you were open 24 hours’ and he said, ‘Not in a row!”

  13. Why is it we park in a driveway and drive on a parkway?

    Why do they have the balls to call it military INTELLIGENCE?

    Who the hell decided teens and pre-teens were to be called tweens?

    When the doors are locked, and there is a sign on one saying this door locked until 6am. please use other door, they think it’s the one Right next to it?

    Why is it when you tell someone “I’ve never seen that movie” they automatically responed with “You’ve NEVER seen that movie?” Hello just fucking SAID that!!!

    Why is it when people ask for your myspace page and you tell them you hate that site and don’t have one they think you are some kind of social retard? Myspace SUCKS!!!

    How come when you tell people you’re reading that 400 page book for the fuck of it they look at you like there is something wrong in your head. It’s called recreational reading.

    Since when did it become okay to let a nine year old girl wear a tube top and a mini skirt? Who are their parents and, like Lake said, why don’t they need a license to breed?

  14. A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said, ‘Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.’

    The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, ‘What would you like to talk about?’

    ‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said the stranger. ‘How about nuclear power?’ and he smiles.

    ‘OK,’ she said. ‘That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff- grass – . Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?’

    The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, ‘Hmmm, I have no idea.’

    To which the little girl replies, ‘Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know crap ?

  15. Ha! verry nice Stevie.

    Does the 3 second rule really exist?

    Will my hair go curly if I eat my crusts?

  16. When two airplanes almost collide the news folks say, “there was a near-miss at the airport today.” If two thing nearly miss each other isn’t that a hit? G.C.

  17. [Comment ID #279532 will appear here]

    AnnieB is much too charitable to contemplate violence to another person. :kiss: :boobs: :wang: 🙄

  18. [Comment ID #280709 will appear here]

    Yes Flash, you’re right, I abhor violence. I just give you a reason to beat it and you take care of the rest yourself! 😛 :kiss:

    Drusky you’re a bad, bad boy. I may have to turn my attention to your direction if you keep misbehaving and trying to stir up trouble… 😛 😆 :kiss:

  19. You have to admire the energy of Americans. They ‘up and die’ when, under similar circumstances the rest of us usually fall down.

    If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?

  20. If a man speaks in a forest and there is no woman there to hear him, is he still wrong?

    Now, that’s a classic.

  21. [Comment ID #281449 will appear here]

    1 – I think you’re confusing die with drunk.

    2 – This is one instance where location, location, location is not applicable.

    😛 :kiss:

  22. [Comment ID #279684 will appear here]

    About the whole thinking a newborn being beautiful…I got one for you to think about…when they are first born, how much do they look like a little old person dipped in 10W-30?……… 😈 :wtf:

  23. Why can a woman buy 100 pairs of shoes but when a man wants to buy a new driver its for a “silly game” and a “waste of money”?

  24. [Comment ID #281449 will appear here]
    According to a lot of women, the man is wrong from the instant he pops out of the birth canal… We, of course, let them believe this to avoid the arguement… 🙄

  25. [Comment ID #280831 will appear here]

    Really? In that case, I may have to keep it up you tease… :kiss: 😀 😛

  26. If so many people hate SUV’s why are there so many on the road?

    Why do people say “EW, YUCK!” at sour milk, but they eat sour cream, and cottage cheese?

  27. Who first looked at a lobster and said, “Hey look at that ugly damn thing! I think I’ll put it in my mouth!”?

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