How you know you’ve been on Facebook too long

  1. Your friends routinely throw sheep at you. You do not find this at all disturbing.
  2. You start dreaming your friends are all werewolves and you’re a vampire. You do not slayall of them as you need at least one to play Scrabulous with.
  3. You’ve groped, dry-humped, licked and trout-slapped 190 women that you’ve never met in person.
  4. Your Facebook profile has more apps than your computer does.
  5. The majority of the text messages you receive are friends’ status updates.

Apologies for the 14 lost comments. Had a database bork on this post. Had to delete it. Sorry!

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47 Replies to “How you know you’ve been on Facebook too long”

  1. This is weird. :wtf: happened to the comments? I’ve been trying to post an answer to Fleetwood and Patrick and it kept going to just white and now … nothing here. ???

  2. [Comment ID #220072 will be quoted here]

    [Comment ID #220073 will be quoted here]

    [Comment ID #220074 will be quoted here]

    [Comment ID #220075 will be quoted here]

    Let’s give Big Dave a break my friends…everyone is entitled to a cybperfuckup every now and again…But ladies..please post your comments at first opportuntiy..we love ya.

  3. [Comment ID #220073 will be quoted here]
    Nickie, Prior to the cyperfuckup we read your post and it was much…everything!

  4. – You’ve drunk messaged someone on Facebook.
    – You’re haunted by the photos your friends posted of you hunched over the toilet at Naked Karaoke.
    – You find out your boyfriend dumped you when his relationship status turns from “in a relationship” to “single.”

  5. Shit…I need spell check or at least fine Canadian blended whiskey.However my ZillaCuties…We, at least some of us have regualar boring chicks…but we All Want All of YOUUUUUUUU! Do Me Hard Do Me Right :wang: :wang: :wang: :wang:

  6. I use to be on facebook but it was too annoying and too intrusive.

    They also need better categories. Everyone on facebook is a ‘friend’. They need to add acquaintances, people you know that you don’t usually admit that you know, friends with privileges, people that you use to know, and then the general “Do I know you” group.

  7. I’ve got it!

    We need Fuckbook! Instead of friends, you’ve got fuckers!

    We could have fucker categories:
    People you’ve fucked
    People you’d like to fuck
    People you’ve lied about fucking
    Celebrities who are on your fuck list
    People you’ve fucked over
    People who’ve fucked you over
    People you don’t give a fuck about
    People you wouldn’t fuck with someone else’s dick
    and then there’s Friends with Privileges – people you fuck that you don’t give a fuck about.

  8. [Comment ID #220076 will be quoted here]

    Bork happens. I noticed that the little thingy on the side that shows who posted to what topic is gone too.

    I’ve never borked a db, but I’ve been borked by a number of them.

  9. Apologies for the 14 lost comments. Had a database bork on this post. Had to delete it. Sorry!

    Aw, man! And I had the coolest comment ever! sigh 🙄 :wtf:

  10. [Comment ID #220088 will be quoted here]

    I may put that back. The server started processing like crazy, so I had to start turning things off until we found the culprit. :geek:

  11. I’ve only been on facebook for a few weeks and it’s been a lot of laughs so far. I view it as a way to say “hi, I’m thinking of ya” in very simplistic ways (pokes, sending gifts, playing games, etc.) to people I like in cyberspace without getting too familiar. It’s also fun to put a face (or butt) on the people that you “talk” to regularly, such as we do here. It’s nothing more, nothing less for me.

    [Comment ID #220085 will be quoted here]

    You invite people or they invite you. It’s up to you to decline people who invite you if you’re not interested, plus you can always block them later if a problem arises, (or you change your mind) so I don’t understand your complaints in that regard.

    And while your fuckbook idea is really fun to banter about, you’d still have similar problems to the ones you cited about facebook. You mentioned in the comment that was deleted that there was also the potential for stalkers. I think you’d definitely have them on fuckbook, but the difference is they’d all be trying to KILL you! 😛

    @Spud … I didn’t realize you were such a smartass but I knew I liked you for some reason. 😆

  12. I just had some creep try to add me as a friend on Facebook because he thought I was hot. Well, thank you, but I’m going to ignore you Mr. Hairlip. :wtf:

  13. i know this is way too long….but i thought all you chronic masturbators should read this so you can make it to the endowment ceremony and don your magic mitt romney sauna suit. yours truly boyd k.(fudge)packer.

    “A young man should learn to rule his body. Like his temper, he should keep it always under complete control.”
    “This is a very sacred power. The Lord has commanded that you use it only with one to whom you are legally and lawfully wedded. He has decreed serious penalties indeed for the misuse of it.”
    “Do not tamper with your body. If you have already, cease to do it –now. Put it away and overcome it. The signal of worthy manhood is self-control.”
    “This power of creation affects your life several years before you should express it fully. You must always guard the power with many wisdom. You must wait until the time of your marriage to use it.”
    “During that waiting, what do you do with these desires? My boy, you are to control them. You are forbidden to use them now in order that you may use them with worthiness and virtue and fullness of joy at the proper time in life.”
    “This little factory moves quietly into operation as a normal and expected pattern of growth and begins to produce the lifegiving substance. It will do so perhaps as long as you live. It works very slowly. That is the way it should be. For the most part, unless you tamper with it, you will hardly be aware that it is working at all.”
    “As you move closer to manhood, this little factory will sometimes produce an oversupply of this substance. The Lord has provided a way for that to be released. It will happen without any help or without any resistance from you.”
    “There is; however, something you should not do. Sometimes a young man does not understand. Perhaps he is encouraged by unwise or unworthy companions to tamper with that factory. He might fondle himself and open that release valve. This you shouldn’t do, for if you do that, the little factory will speed up. You will then be tempted again and again to release it. You can quickly be subjected to a habit, one that is not worthy, one that will leave you feeling depressed and feeling guilty. Resist that temptation. Do not be guilty of tampering or playing with this sacred power of creation. Keep it in reserve for the time when it can be righteously employed.”
    “The power to prevent such habits or to break them rests in your mind, not in your body. Don’t let that physical part of you take charge. Stay in control. Condition your body to do the will of your mid. To do this you must keep your mind on worthy thoughts.”
    “If you can control you thoughts, you can overcome habits, even degrading personal habits. If you can learn to master them, you will have a happy life.”
    “This power is ordained for the begetting of life and as a binding tie in the marriage covenant. It is not to be misused. It is not to be use prematurely. It is to be known between husband and wife and in no other way. If you misuse it, you will be sorry.”
    “Even those who have been drawn into wicked practices and are bound by almost unyielding habits can escape. If one of you seems trapped in that, escape. Go to your father or bishop, please. Your parents, your bishop, the servants of the Lord, the angels of heaven and the Lord himself will help redeem your from it. Young Latter-day Saint men, do not tamper with these powers, neither with yourself alone nor with one of your own kind.” – Church-wide pamphlet “For Young Men Only” 1976-2006

    p.s. i tampered with my little factory so much reading this story that i splooged all over the bishop who was trying to help me escape my wickedness.

  14. Hey junkman, for the sake of brevity, I won’t quote you, but while ‘tampering with the factory’ were you singing “I Got The Power (Everybody Dance Now)”?

  15. How do I know I’ve spent too much time on facebook?

    I’ve drunk dialed my friends and now am World Rank: #63,651 out of 6,807,278 players worldwide in Movie Trivia.

  16. [Comment ID #220106 will be quoted here]i know. well….next time your keyboard is sticky just imagine that it is the binding tie of your marriage covenant and that you have “the sacred power of creation” on your fingertips. :wtf:

  17. Hi people!!
    Ya miss me?? I definitely miss you!!
    Sorry been gone so long. Been beyond extremely busy with work and this thing called life that I’m not entirely fond of. It’s just not as much fun without you guys and the whips, chains, cuffs, 😛 :wang: :wang: :boob: :boob: :undies: :thong: 😈 torture/pleaseure devices, etc.

    I haven’t even had a chance to read through all the posts and responses but I will soon. Love ya’ll. :kiss:

  18. [Comment ID #220110 will be quoted here]
    Yep we missed you. The ZillaGirls are not the same without you!

  19. [Comment ID #220110 will be quoted here]

    I’ve missed you so much. Would you like to know what the count is up to now?

  20. [Comment ID #220092 will be quoted here]

    If you do, I will bow down before you and starting with your toes, I will work my way upward licking and kissing you on every inch of your body until I reach the tip of your wonderful head.

    In other words, I’d be verrrrrrry grateful. 😛

  21. Steve: I believe it was 15. 😈

    I wonder if masturbation can be as heated a topic as abortion, gay marriage, the death penalty, war, Bush,…?

    Are you or Pro-Life (sexual acts Exclusively for procreation) or Pro-Choice (sexual acts for pleasure…just ‘cuz)?

    I think the same thing would happen as with other topics. Narrowminded people with tunnel vision on either side take it too far in each direction.

    In this case though, I’m Pro-Choice. 😈
    Could we start a rally? Maybe begin some sort of march, maybe even a riot, with worlwide televising of our attemps and milestones all for the support and promotion of masturbation. What would our chant be?
    We’d go down in history!! Or just go down… 😈 :wang: 😛

  22. Missy. Welcome! We must know perform the sacred Zilla Ceremony of…Bah! Who cares!! ORGYYYYYY!!!!
    Rite of Passage for all potential Zillagirlz.
    Mistress Darla, the floor is yours! 😈

    BTW: Love all y’alls new avatars!

  23. [Comment ID #220112 will be quoted here]

    [Comment ID #220122 will be quoted here]

    Ready for initiation into Zillagirl-dom, Missy? Let the spankings commence!

    SPANK, SPANK, SPANK, SPANK, SPANK!

    May the next Zillagirl take it away! 😈

  24. [Comment ID #220110 will be quoted here]

    Yayyyyy! It wasn’t QUITE the same without you. It’s like peanut butter without the jelly. It’s like Mistress Darla without the whips, it’s like an orgy without the… Well… you get the point. Welcome back.

  25. [Comment ID #220121 will be quoted here]

    Astryd, I likes that you is back! actaully noticed your absence with great concern. was it something we said or something we didn’t say…. and will you please punish me for either 😈 😛 :wang: :wang:
    good to have you back.tell your boss to “Fuck off!”with all that work. in a nice way ofcourse. don’t want you to lose your livelyhood, now would I?

  26. Dave’s pinched me!

    [Comment ID #220115 will be quoted here]
    Please sir, may I have s’more?

    jules-as punishment I’ve dusted every Zillagirl with a tasty body powder, your obligation is to lick them clean from top to bottom without missing a millimeter beginning with missy.

    fleetwood-There’s a Zillagirl in everyone on different levels. Youy just gotta find the right door to open to let her out. ’til then, we’ll take care of you baby. Nothin’ but tassle nipple pasties and chaps, gonna ride you like a bronco! 😈

    junkman- Does it count for girls? I feel most inspired when my fingertips get to work.

    like an orgy without accessories. Still fun but could be so much better! 😈 😛 I missed you too Drusky darling.

    And to the Zillagirls-how ’bout a Slumber Party at my house so we can *ahem* catch up? Attire: It’s leather or nothing!

  27. Facebook: You encourage strangers and friends to vibrate your hamster. (Please be my guest) 😈
    You gift eggs that’ll hatch into the strangest things.
    I bite more often and it’s ok.

  28. Hey Astryd,

    When you first learned to count, it was uno, dos, tres. Wanna know what the last number is for? 😈

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