Order the identical meal as your friend. When the waitress puts them down on the table, give her a dirty look and switch plates, shaking your heads as if you’ve never seen anything so stupid.
If the restaurant serves those deep-fried Twinkies (or anything similarly artificial), ask if the Twinkies are free-range organic.
Both order identical stir fries. Complain that yours has fewer grains of rice. You counted.
Order your grilled cheese medium rare.
Order your pie “a la commode”.
Ask the bartender for a dirty martini, “but no raisins in it this time”.
Leave unusual names with the hostess when there is a wait. Bingo, Stumpy and Xyxygy work well.
Pretend not to speak English very well. Order only from the beverage menu. When presented with numerous glasses, raise your eyebrows at the server and in perfect English exclaim, “What’s the matter with you? I ordered food. Hello?
Bring a hot woman with you to an oyster bar. Pretend that neither of you speak English well. Ask if, “she can order the naked.” Have her fiddle with her top. When the waiter get flustered, point a the raw oysters sign and say, “Yes, the naked.”