How not to eat sushi

I ate sushi at Katana in Royal Oak last night. Katana used to be a very trendy spot—almost pickup joint—with beautiful people and even more beautiful waitresses. Granted, I have not eaten there in six months and things seemed to have changed.

At first I thought I was in a Sopranos episode. Every table save mine seemed to be populated by enormous, neckless Italian men with gold chains, striped shirts and ill-fitting jeans. Accompanying each brutish fellow was an over made-up woman with, shall we say, junk in the trunk?

None of this was particularly interesting to me until Lizz pointed out that the men seemed stunned by the knowledge that they would be called upon to use chopsticks. In front of their peers. From our vantage point alone, we observed the following methods for eating sushi:

  1. Chopsticks held like drumsticks, one stick in each hand, the sushi roll bounced about as if between Devil Sticks
  2. Stabbed like a Shish Kebab
  3. Fingers
  4. With a fork
  5. Stabbed with a steak knife
  6. Stolen off the pregnant wife’s plate
  7. How have you seen sushi eaten?

19 Replies to “How not to eat sushi”

  1. Somewhat ironically, it’s considered proper etiquette to eat sushi (nigiri sushi or sashimi) using your fingers as the only untensils.

  2. [quote comment=”445826″]Somewhat ironically, it’s considered proper etiquette to eat sushi (nigiri sushi or sashimi) using your fingers as the only untensils.[/quote]
    Judging from the sloppiness, open-mouthed chewing and general rudeness of these men, I have a hard time believing they knew that. 😛

  3. Does Katana advertise “The best fresh fish that’s ‘off the hook'”?

    All I can think of is the scene in Hot Shots Part Deux where the President is ‘enjoying’ a seafood dinner and then :puke: …

  4. I have a question for the class…

    If Salmon tastes like salmon,

    Tuna tastes like tuna,

    What does a Clown fish taste like?

  5. [quote comment=”446239″]I have a question for the class…

    If Salmon tastes like salmon,

    Tuna tastes like tuna,

    What does a Clown fish taste like?

    :!:[/quote]

    Most people don’t eat it because it tastes funny.

  6. [quote comment=”446239″]I have a question for the class…
    If Salmon tastes like salmon,
    Tuna tastes like tuna,
    What does a Clown fish taste like?
    :!:[/quote]
    And to think I used to like catfish.

  7. It’s best not to eat sushi if:
    1) you live more than an hour from the ocean
    2) you think it’s OK to eat sashimi with your fingers
    3) the patrons think anything other than shorts, golf shirts and flip flops is “getting dressed-up”
    4) you think the best sake is served hot
    5) there are no Asians in the joint

  8. [quote comment=”446239″]I have a question for the class…

    If Salmon tastes like salmon,

    Tuna tastes like tuna,

    What does a Clown fish taste like?

    :!:[/quote]

    Tastes like Nemo. 😛

  9. At the Sushi Barn in Nowata, Oklahoma, owner Billy Earl Hyakawa has an “all you can hold down” special featuring catfish, striped bass, carp, and crappie.

  10. [quote comment=”446957″]At the Sushi Barn in Nowata, Oklahoma, owner Billy Earl Hyakawa has an “all you can hold down” special featuring catfish, striped bass, carp, and crappie.[/quote]

    From the City-Data website:
    According to our research of the Oklahoma and other state lists there were 11 registered sex offenders living in Nowata in early 2007.
    The ratio of number of residents in Nowata to the number of sex offenders is 362 to 1.

    😳

  11. [quote comment=”446998″][quote comment=”446957″]At the Sushi Barn in Nowata, Oklahoma, owner Billy Earl Hyakawa has an “all you can hold down” special featuring catfish, striped bass, carp, and crappie.[/quote]

    From the City-Data website:
    According to our research of the Oklahoma and other state lists there were 11 registered sex offenders living in Nowata in early 2007.
    The ratio of number of residents in Nowata to the number of sex offenders is 362 to 1.

    :oops:[/quote]

    Cool. So what are the stats like for Royal Oak? I don’t know about their sex offender ratio, but apparently their human-freak ratio is out of this world.

  12. [quote comment=”446318″][quote comment=”446239″]I have a question for the class…
    If Salmon tastes like salmon,
    Tuna tastes like tuna,
    What does a Clown fish taste like?
    :!:[/quote]
    And to think I used to like catfish.[/quote]
    “You go ‘way! we no see your cat Mr.! no keep ask us about cat, GO GO GO NOW!”

  13. how not to eat Sushi?

    1. (has been stated) if you live more than an hour from the ocean
    2. coated generously with that green paste (learned the hard way!)
    3. off any shelf. (get it made in your presence)

    how have i seen it eaten?
    eaten then :puke:

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