And furthermore… Part I

I really need to take a camera with me every time I have coffee with my friend Liz. We see the best freaks. Tonight topped them. Ever go to a coffeehouse, it’s really crowded so you find an empty table with not enough chairs? Then you hunt around to see if anyone isn’t using all the chairs at their table? Well that.

So we got our drinks and Liz found a great table with no chairs. I spy a man sitting alone with an ancient, underpowered Mac laptop and walk over.

Me: “Excuse me, sir. Is it cool if I steal this chair?”
Him: “First of all, you need to learn that when you approach someone of great intelligence, deep in thought, such as myself, you need to slowly bring them back from their advanced thinking state before posing such an asinine question.”
Me: “Uh, OK. I’m sorry, may I please borrow this chair?”

So behind him is my friend Alfred, who stands up and says, “Take my chair, Dave.”
Me: “Thank you Alfred. That was very kind of you.”
Alfred: “No problem, Dave. It’s what any polite person would do.”

So then the freak starts in on me again.

Him: “And furthermore, if you would notice—” I wasn’t having any more of him.
Me: “I don’t care, asshole. There’s a good reason you’re sitting alone.”

Part II, tomorrow

viagra
free viagra
buy viagra online
generic viagra
how does viagra work
cheap viagra
buy viagra
buy viagra online inurl
viagra 6 free samples
viagra online
viagra for women
viagra side effects
female viagra
natural viagra
online viagra
cheapest viagra prices
herbal viagra
alternative to viagra
buy generic viagra
purchase viagra online
free viagra without prescription
viagra attorneys
free viagra samples before buying
buy generic viagra cheap
viagra uk
generic viagra online
try viagra for free
generic viagra from india
fda approves viagra
free viagra sample
what is better viagra or levitra
discount generic viagra online
viagra cialis levitra
viagra dosage
viagra cheap
viagra on line
best price for viagra
free sample pack of viagra
viagra generic
viagra without prescription
discount viagra
gay viagra
mail order viagra
viagra inurl
generic viagra online paypal
generic viagra overnight
generic viagra online pharmacy
generic viagra uk
buy cheap viagra online uk
suppliers of viagra
how long does viagra last
viagra sex
generic viagra soft tabs
generic viagra 100mg
buy viagra onli
generic viagra online without prescription
viagra energy drink
cheapest uk supplier viagra
viagra cialis
generic viagra safe
viagra professional
viagra sales
viagra free trial pack
viagra lawyers
over the counter viagra
best price for generic viagra
viagra jokes
buying viagra
viagra samples
viagra sample
cialis
generic cialis
cheapest cialis
buy cialis online
buying generic cialis
cialis for order
what are the side effects of cialis
buy generic cialis
what is the generic name for cialis
cheap cialis
cialis online
buy cialis
cialis side effects
how long does cialis last
cialis forum
cialis lawyer ohio
cialis attorneys
cialis attorney columbus
cialis injury lawyer ohio
cialis injury attorney ohio
cialis injury lawyer columbus
prices cialis
cialis lawyers
viagra cialis levitra
cialis lawyer columbus
online generic cialis
daily cialis
cialis injury attorney columbus
cialis attorney ohio
cialis cost
cialis professional
cialis super active
how does cialis work
what does cialis look like
cialis drug
viagra cialis
cialis to buy new zealand
cialis without prescription
free cialis
cialis soft tabs
discount cialis
cialis generic
generic cialis from india
cheap cialis sale online
cialis daily
cialis reviews
cialis generico
how can i take cialis
cheap cialis si
cialis vs viagra
levitra
generic levitra
levitra attorneys
what is better viagra or levitra
viagra cialis levitra
levitra side effects
buy levitra
levitra online
levitra dangers
how does levitra work
levitra lawyers
what is the difference between levitra and viagra
levitra versus viagra
which works better viagra or levitra
buy levitra and overnight shipping
levitra vs viagra
canidan pharmacies levitra
how long does levitra last
viagra cialis levitra
levitra acheter
comprare levitra
levitra ohne rezept
levitra 20mg
levitra senza ricetta
cheapest generic levitra
levitra compra
cheap levitra
levitra overnight
levitra generika
levitra kaufen

29 Replies to “And furthermore… Part I”

  1. im first,i havent been first at anything since my old girlfriend jessica,and that was way back in 92.
    so where to go with this?finish the story where dave cracks the asshole over the head with his ancient mac.then picking the largest piece of it up and jamming it into the assholes asshole?
    or recommend staying away from snooty coffee houses and patronizing your local pub instead.you can get a nice buzz on come home to write some random b.s. on the davezilla site before blacking out.

  2. Him: “First of all, you need to learn that when you approach someone of great intelligence, deep in thought, such as myself, you need to slowly bring them back from their advanced thinking state before posing such an asinine question.”

    Wow, somebody actually said these words with a straight face? I’d have burst out laughing and most likely drooled all over them.

    Unbelievable, especially the part where he says “slowly bring them back from their advanced thinking state” what do you mean? like waking the dead? bitch slapping about the head and shoulders? what??

    Great post Dave.

    😆

  3. :wtf:

    I could only hope that the guy was trying to be funny, but it doesn’t really sound like it. What a :limp:

    Awesome line you had there too Dave about him sitting alone. I can’t wait for the rest of the story. Its a cliffhanger! 🙂

  4. You misunderstood his first comment, Dave. ‘asinine comment’ meant you shouldn’t have bothered asking.

    The appropriate response would have been, “Thanks!” and take the chair.

  5. :wtf: Where do you go at night? I mean really! Where??

    When the guy got finished making his “asinine” statement about being of great intelligence, I would have said, “Oh, I’m sorry. I thought I was just approaching another self important schmuck in a coffee house trying to look cool with his anchient mac.”

    Next time just wack him across the head with and empty coffee mug and take the fucking chair AND the one he falls out of. There! Problem solved! 😈

  6. [Comment ID #221618 will be quoted here]

    I only wish I had recorded it, so you all could have heard his delivery: slow and measured. It was as if he had practiced this speech for years and was just waiting for the opportune moment to spring it on us mere mortals.

    I later found out he works for Channel 4 (NBC) and has been a regular there for years that somehow I’ve missed.

  7. Him: “First of all, you need to learn that when you approach someone of great intelligence, deep in thought, such as myself, you need to slowly bring them back from their advanced thinking state before posing such an asinine question.”

    I would have said- sorry Professor Hand…YOU DICK! :wtf:

  8. “And furthermore, if you would notice-”
    “I’m taking the chair. And to show my appreciation and most sincere regrets for disturbing you, I’m going to order you a grande sized steaming cup of STFU”. 👿

  9. Does anyone else see a pattern going on here? Dave, Coffeehouse, Macs, freaks. I just know that there is a connection going on; I just haven’t put it all together yet. I have a sneaking suspicion that somehow the Macs are a pivotal force in the whole thing.

  10. [Comment ID #221628 will be quoted here]

    No, I see the freaks everywhere, whether or not a Mac is present. It’s my special gift/curse to be followed everywhere by them.

  11. ME: ” I’m gonna take the chai and in trade i’ll buy you a super sized cup a mocha’ chocha frocha…STFU” 😛

  12. You should have responded with “Well, you must be a devil worshipper, because only democrats and satanists use Apple products” just to see what someone of great intelligence (or at least, this idiot) would have said.

  13. Dave – You really are in a pickle here. You can either start buying your beans (www.lioncoffee.com) and grind them yourself for a refreshing & satisfying cup or two which would deprive you of all this Zilla material or, continue hanging out in the disreputable java joints you seem to favor, and pay WAY too much after standing in line, only to have your (paper) cup of mud ruined by the idiots whom you seem to attract.

    I wish you well.

  14. “Sir, as your first premise involves approaching someone of great intelligence, there was obviously no
    need for me to do anything…”

  15. Well Dave, at least you are able to use your gift/curse for a greater good. Also you can see the lighter side of the whole thing. I have been reading your escapades for a while now and I truly believe that if an every-day, average person spent a day in your place they would run home, lock the doors, draw the blinds, giber incoherently, and never set foot outdoors again. got ta keep the loonies on the path.

  16. [Comment ID #221633 will be quoted here]

    Starbucks is hardly disreputable. Over-commercialized, sure. The one in downtown Royal Oak is particularly known for an odd assortment of customers, from the most drop-dead gorgeous women to the tinfoil hat crowd.

    I try not to order the paper cup of mud. I have my own porcelain mug here full of chai. :java:

  17. “First of all, you need to learn that when you approach someone of great intelligence (you can recognize them because all of them use ancient macs), deep in thought (look like they haven’t crapped in a week), such as myself (see, I look like constipation central), you need to slowly bring them back from their advanced thinking state (shake them gently awake) before posing such an asinine question.(and he would know one”

    My answer, “I’m sorry, you must be working on curing cancer, no, creating a non-poluting fuel, no, you’ve located Osama Bin Laden via sattelite, no, then STFU and hand me the chair.

  18. Dave said:
    I later found out he works for Channel 4 (NBC) and has been a regular there for years that somehow I’ve missed.

    Soundslike you dodged the bullet. A couple of seconds later you could have been debating with Andy Rooney!

  19. Wow, that sounds like something that could have happened to me. I’m in a constant state of getting pissed of at people in public places. :wtf:

  20. Honestly, he sounds like Comic Book Guy on the Simpsons. Then again, he probably looked like Comic Book Guy as well–unkempt, ugly, and virginal.

  21. smirking would be right for this scene. Then say “a sphincter says what.” See what he says. Wayne’s World, Wayne’s World party time excellent. :wtf:

  22. What a turd. That guy should really stop breathing. Should solve that problem.

    And I totally agree that breathing improves your sex life! 😈 :wang:

  23. You know, I find breathing to be way overrated, I prefer panting and gasping uncontrollably during sex to be one of the highlights of orgasmic ecstacy. oh, Dave, next time, just say, {“oh yeah isn’t that nice?” It’s the polite southerner’s way of saying “Who the fuck cares bitch? Just gimmie the freakin chair.”

  24. I think you and Alfred handled that very well. With the descriptions of his attitude and actions I doubt that making the extra effort to show him the wrong in his ways would have been a waste. 🙂

Comments are closed.