The very next night we had a lovely dinner in Royal Oak. Afterwards, I asked Lizz if she wanted to have a flight of wines at Vinotecca, a trendy wine bar in town. She thought that was a lovely idea and we sat outside on their patio so we could people watch. Our sommelierâ€”in sharp contrast to last night’s waitressâ€”was a consummate professional. His knowledge of wine regions, local soils and minerals was peerless.
After settling on a sinfully good Sauvignon Blanc from northern Italy, we relaxed. Then I noticed something behind my girlfriend’s head. She was seated with her back to the glass window and I was facing the glass. I asked her to turn and look. At the table directly inside, a young womanâ€”who looked like Susan Powter did in the 80sâ€”had hiked her summer dress up to her thong. Her legs were spread like a Thanksgiving turkey and her stiletto pumps rested on the table, giving her husbandâ€”and half of Royal Oakâ€”a nice show. She continued spreading, crossing and kicking her admittedly beautiful legs around while we drank.
Then a scream from down the street. Lizz looked to her right and saw a fat gentleman with a silver ponytail screaming at someone trying to open the driver’s side door of a BMW. He looked exactly like David Crosby. I am still not convinced it wasn’t David Crosby. He was sitting in front of the Jimmy John’s sub shop screaming at his inebriated wife, who continued to fumble with her key fob. She was apparently too drunk to open the lock and this was upsetting David Crosby. It was also upsetting his child who became nauseous at the fighting and got the dry heaves. We still have no idea of the gender of the child. Suffice it to say the kid was around 11 or 12, chubby and resembled a young Ozzy Osbourne.
As if this wasn’t enough, there was also a grandmother, wheelchair bound and unable to speak, left on the sidewalk by the mother who will not be applying to be a locksmith anytime soon. At this point, the child was shaking as David Crosby bellowed like a musk ox with ear mites. I picked up the phone to dial 911 and guess what? The call wouldn’t go through. Fortunately the family packed up and left quickly, most likely late for their appearance on COPS.