Don’t be jealous

One freak has continually eluded my camera. Three times now. I will persevere. Anyway, here is the breakdown of her attire, and I use that term loosely; she looks rather loose.

  1. Bedraggled and pallid, fake, leopard-fur jacket. The type of fabric one would see on the loincloth of a “native” in a B-movie.
  2. Shop-worn, straight-leg jeans, so tight you could have hidden a copy of The Economist in her lumpish cameltoe. I must qualify something. Her porcine legs were extremely dense, so the “straight leg” was not so much straight, as it was a polynomial approximation of a Jordan arc.
  3. Did I mention the ass of the jeans spelled out “Elvis” and “Country”? She’s a whiz with that BeDazzler®, I can assure you.
  4. Suede fuckme boots. Extra fringe. Extra shitty.
  5. Cheap, pink lipstick, rouge the exact hue of a Robber Crab, and pumpkin-orange eye shadow, which may in fact be actual smeared pumpkin.
  6. Approximately two 8oz. cans of Love’s Baby Soft Mist, drained and leaving puddles as she lumbers past.
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54 Replies to “Don’t be jealous”

  1. Sounds like my ex GF.

    Is it just me, or does Dave appear to have a slightly edgier tone? Whatever happened to the monk thing Dave (i totally missed everything in that whole deal… maybe seen the first post)?

  2. Uh, Dave, either: (A) she’s a really cheap hooker or (B) you found Bigfoot in his drag outfit. We want pix!

  3. Dave said : “the jeans spelled out “Elvis” and “Country” …

    Maybe she was trying to say she had a hunk, a hunk of Burning Love back there. 😛

    Well gee Dave, now it’s going to be sort of anticlimactic when you finally do get the picture. She can’t possibly be as horrid as your description. (Gulp, can she?)

  4. Wait till you see my limegreen hot pants with fishnet stocking. You can call me at 1 800 ugly screw. I will rock your world. :puke:

  5. Pallid? Porcine? Polynomial approximation of a Jordan arc? :wtf:

    Dave, if you are going to start making up words to sound intelligent, at least make them sound realistical. At the very least you should stop by the local Barnes & Noble to pick up a copy of Mike Tyson’s Humongolous Thesaurus.

  6. Huh??? A “Mr. Malaprop”, Dave-the-Zill-Guy, is not!
    [Comment ID #222873 will appear here]
    Please say that you were just being funny, Chris…Please…

  7. [quote]One freak has continually eluded my camera. Three times now. I will persevere. Anyway, here is the breakdown of her attire, and I use that term loosely; she looks rather loose.[/quote]
    This is one that sounds so interesting that you must make it a quest to capture a picture of ‘it’ in ‘it’s’ natural environment.

  8. [Comment ID #222858 will appear here]

    [Comment ID #222888 will appear here]

    You guys should compare notes. I sense something kinky going on here. Who knows … you might be related. 😈

    DAVE the Reds are SUBLIME! :wang:

  9. [Comment ID #222874 will appear here]

    Kkkkathryn, not to worry. I think Chris S was being sardonic because:

    1) Invoking the name Mike Tyson and intelligence at the same time is laughable.
    2) Realistical and humongolous are not words.
    3) Chris S is always very witty.

    😆

  10. [Comment ID #222891 will appear here]mom/dad lake effect is touching me again in my elvis country place. :wtf: 🙄 :wtf: 🙄 :wtf:

  11. :wtf: Sounds like a Mimi fan from the Drew Carey Show. Is your Bux next to a major street corner or something? Yeesh, these sound like some class A ripe fugly hookers! :wtf: :limp:

  12. [Comment ID #222874 will appear here]
    Yes I was joking. I am rarely serious and that is mainly only when I talk about beer. I love beer.
    And if you are going to make up words like “malaprop” maybe Dave will let you borrow that thesaurus when he is done.

    😀

    [Comment ID #222892 will appear here]

    Thank you kindly!

    I feel WITTY! Oh so WITTY!! I feel Witty, not shitty, YAY ME!!

    OK time for a beer…

  13. Dang, I thought at first Dave was beginning to describe one of the Zilla girls,
    perhaps Mandy, but I changed my mind. :wtf: :puke: 🙁

  14. [Comment ID #222897 will appear here]

    Thesaurus is a made-up word. It should be tyrannosaurus, Rex.

  15. …hmmm..new species of orang…shall we harpoon it, club it or just pelt it with tiny rocks? I will be on the lookout for her tonite.

  16. [Comment ID #222904 will appear here]

    Wow…Thank you. That was special…I’m flattened!

  17. [Comment ID #222907 will appear here]

    Esqueeze me, but think you meant to say ‘pinochle’. And if you’re not going to do anything but sit at a computer all day not doing anything, I’d like to drive over you to a necktie party later.

  18. [Comment ID #222908 will appear here]

    That’s what I meant to say (or rather what Mrs. Malaprop DID say) but you’re right, that does sound much better.

    I can’t disguise the perpendiculars of what I am doing but have no delusions that I am extremely evolved in irrelevant research.

    Thank you for your delightful preposition. I shall certainly take it under consternation and get backward with you. Btw … can you tie a windsor knot? 😛

  19. I can tie (and untie) a windsor know, even a double windsor. I am ambidetergent.
    Always have been. errata: “know” should be ‘Knot”. My attention to detail
    descended. :kiss: ❗ :thong:

  20. [Comment ID #222909 will appear here]
    Actually, I find clip-ons much more pulchritudinous, but if it helps, I spent a week in Windsor, Ontariario one day. I couldn’t underestimate a word of Canadian, and when I saw the color of their “money” and saw them cut pizza in metric, I scurried my arse back over the lubricated fence.

  21. You guys are sooooooooo funny! I don’t think I can topple those! 😛

    Flash … ambidetergent, OMG I laughhhhed! We’re pretty good at being silly, aren’t we? 😀

    Hey Lake … I thought you were going to change your avatar. ???

  22. Yeah, Lake–you should give Moe or Larry equal time. 🙄
    AnnieB–Not only can we be silly, sometimes we are inane and puerile. 😎 :kiss:

  23. [Comment ID #222912 will appear here]
    Well, I’m shocked. I thought I did. It looks changed to me, maybe you need to hit the ‘refreshment’ button and admire me again.

  24. [Comment ID #222915 will appear here]

    Maybe… First tell us about YOUR ‘fuck-me’ boots…
    I’d ask Astryd but she strikes me as the type that would have ‘Fuck-me’ high heels…
    😛

  25. Oh, I LOVE Canuks…I’m ashamedly related to one (3 celsius) of ’em. He’s kinda loony, but great entertainment. We all laugh at him a lot. I wasn’t underwear that you are one…maybe you can exclaim this….I was listening to a Canukish radio station Sunday (Thursday celsius) (I live close enough to hear you) and it was really cold over there (that’s a shocker, eh?). The newscanuk said they were giving all the homeless (iglooless celsius) a pair of gloves and a toke. Well, imagine my surprise. They get a toke?? DUUUUDE!!! I almost scurvied back across the fence, but when I reconnaissanced the border, I saw that huge wall of snow and heard the northwind howling over there so I went back to my mancave and warmed myself up my own self. (if ya know what I mean).

  26. [Comment ID #222917 will appear here]
    Well, I changed it around midday, and I’m no longer seeing Shemp on this page or on my account page. I’m overlooking the new one right now. If it hasn’t changed for you, you might need to put on some pants and run over and pound on the door of CasaZilla and find out what he’s trying to get away with now.

  27. [Comment ID #222916 will appear here]

    Well it depends on whether you consider Uggs sexy or not. And I wear them to keep warm, so razz me and you’ll get a whippin’! 👿

  28. [Comment ID #222918 will appear here]

    They get tokes out in Vancouver. Over here we get touques, a French Canadian hat. No getting high off of those.

  29. Sittin downtown at the railway station three touqes over the line. Three touqes over the line sweet Jesus, three touqes over the line.

  30. At the risk of pissing-off a large segment of Zillaville, I think a few of you need to cough up a couple of “loonies”, buy a six pack of “high test” and head to a warm beach somewhere!

    Just a thought.

  31. Dave’s description made me think of the woman I saw in a supermarket parking lot. I was watching her and wondering, “Does she think she’s hot? Is she trying to be sexy?” Then I noticed a mom type woman sitting in her minivan, looking at the woman and looking at me. I thought, “Oh No, She probably thinks that I think that that woman looks sexy!” I thought maybe I should blurt out and tell the motherly type woman, “I don’t think she’s sexy, I’m not looking at her because I think she’s sexy, that doesn’t look sexy to me, that’s not why I’m looking at her, It’s not like I’m gay, It’s just I don’t think she looks sexy!” but I figured that I had better not say anything.

  32. [Comment ID #222924 will appear here]

    Just a hint. Men do not find them sexy. They’re what we call “effective birth control”. 😛

  33. So, Dave Zillameister, why so shy? Next time you get a subject that elusive and that notable, just walk right up and ask to snap her. Tell her you work for Vice magazine’s “Dos and Don’ts” or something. Tell her you’re an art student and you want to practice drawing her. Tell her you’re a wildlife photographer for ‘National Geographic’.

  34. Are you camped out in some sort of coffee house camoflage like a naturalist waiting on their subject to approach? I can hear you talking into a small tape recorder….. “The beast slowly appraoches the counter, giving off it’s scent and warning away others in the herd. It’s worn pelt does not attract any mates, if it ever did. Naturally outgoing, no one has caught this elusive beast on film, but I shall persevere……” Maybe you’ll make Animal Planet!! :wtf:

  35. [Comment ID #222985 will appear here]

    Whath on your head—a pith helmet? I thought tho.

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