Dear Mistre Dave Zilla

Normally I don’t reprint email, respecting the privacy of my readers and because I have better things to do. However, when I am specifically requested to reprint said communiqué by none other than the Sultan of Cleveland, well, what can one do? I give you, unabridged, yesterday’s fan mail:

Dear Mistre Dave Zilla,
I know your real name sin’t ZIlla it’s Linaburty so I address you by your real name, the name you gave yourself. it is m9ore poewrful than nay amulet . Nay, more powerful than a +3 sword of Enchantrment!!Lissen I love your sight, It cracks me up every day at work and my girlfriends love it to. I have 3 girlfriends now, did I tell yuou? I rock so hard.Can’t touch this. That’s because how I role. I know you will want to print this emaile because it’s funny and so everyone will link tyo my blog. UH OH SHOOT DARN!!!! I didn’t make a blog yet. I will tho just you wait.I love Mandy and if she will go out with me I will kick out my other 3 girlfriends,. No wait she can be the 4th!! Yes!!!!!1!! +4 Elfin Chain Mail in da hizzy.Sorry to bug you all the time but sionce I am your hero I can do that HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

you could be wrong i could be right,
Yours in Dung,
The Sultan of Cleveland

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40 Replies to “Dear Mistre Dave Zilla”

  1. Nobody move, keep vewy still and maybe it will pass by, is that a siren I hear in the background?

    Inspiring stuff Dave, thanks for sharing with the class…

    :wtf:

  2. What the heck is “yours in dung” anyway?! Is he a dung beetle in addition to being a Sultan of Cleveland?

    What a hoot. I hope he writes to you more often. 😆

  3. I am especially interested in “how he role”.
    Also, my feelings are hurt …. I have to make more risque remarks I guess … to be on his list of girlfriends?

  4. To everyone in ‘ZillaLand:

    Happy Unimaginative, Consumer-Oriented and Entirely Arbitrary, Manipulative, and Shallow, Interpretation of Romance Day

    Cheers :java:

  5. The comfort of others is not the concern of the Sultan.

    Re: Kitty Spank – – – Mandy, what do you say, shall we give it a go? 😈

  6. The Pasha of Pitstberg..Pistbur..Pit….Dang!
    The Maharajah of Minyappolis..Minniaples..Shoot!
    The Caliph of Cincinatty..Cinsinattie..Aw crap!
    The Shah of Filidelfia.. Phillydelph…Godamt!
    The Czar of Milwalkie…Milwakie..Sheeit!
    The Kaiser of Albekerkie….Albuquirky…Phooey!
    The Emir of Okalehoma…Oclahomer..Aw balls!
    The Sultan of Cleveland. Hell yeah! Totaly. The Sultan of Cleveland rokcs!

  7. Was that in honor of “lame e-mail day”…
    The sultan does sound like Borat.

    Happy Valentines Day everyone! :kiss: :kiss:

  8. derea dung,
    i like yrou e-m9aile. it was poerwrful to Zilla Linaburty. you rae like a gerat wissard with wrods. UH oH!! Dave has use +5 jou ju magik staff on tyuou. HAHAHAHAHA. if yrou girlfreinds will be stollen. NO WAIT!!!!! Mandy can!! sionce she is the +10 enchantrmentess. when you go li8mp from hre spell. happy valnetines fro all but yuou.
    re3membre!!!! bettre loved than may6be not,
    miSTRE junKMAN

  9. Oh my god no comments from Mandy! Crap the sultan already has taken her for #4! Oh no what are we going to do?

    Dave can you use your “Hero” powers to help?

    Ann, now is your time to shine, no more dancing doggies, for the love of all things Zilla, update that icon of yours and show us your :undies:

  10. Sorry, clev9lund, the lovely Mandy is alreddy
    promused to the Califf of Chattynoogie. Crawl back
    into yo whole. 🙄 👿 🙁 🙁 😈 :wtf:

  11. Mandy is NOT exclusive – 😈 Mandy belongs to all Zilla’s :wang: :wang: So dream on! ! ! 😛

  12. Oho! You printed me Daveyboy!! I am so special indeedly do. What!?! You get 3 kisses from Mandy and I get noighthing? OMGWTFROTFLMAOBITCH! Yiou know I am the right one for you. I am ten time the man Dave ZIlla is.. And not as white. I ware real colors. Methinks he is a Muslom. :wtf: :wtf: :wtf:

  13. Lung is a GOD.

    Mandy, Anna, Minnie are all babes – happy valentine’s to you all – in a non-commercial manner.

    Dave – I will stop sending you e-mails – fearful you will publish.

    Doesn’t this site have spell-chcek?

  14. [Comment ID #86821 will be quoted here]

    but Mr. Doug … the dancing dog is a fair and accurate description of me.
    If you need to see my :undies: … here they are :thong: :thong: :thong:

  15. As a writer I’m apalled by the countless errors in that email. But as someone who likes nonsensical humour, that’s just… wow!

    And uh, by the way, it’s my birthday. Yup, I was born on Valentine’s Day. Not to brag or anything that is. 😛

Comments are closed.