31 Replies to “Dear Jessica,”

  1. From: Jessica
    To: Dark Lord of the Geeks
    Re: No one ever asked the Tauntaun how he felt about it…

  2. hadn’t the tauntaun been killed and split open with a light saber? c’mon jessica/luke. i know you want him to stop writing but what would you sacrifice for his warmth and safety? :geek: 🙄 :geek: 🙄

  3. wipes a tear away This letter is just so beautiful man. Like a river of poetry spouting from a mythical creature, maybe a half-unicorn/half-phoenix creature of some sort.

  4. What The Crap? Dude sounds like he’s ready for a trip to the HOTEL SILLY in the twinkie Wagon. While wearing the famous love myself jacket the one with the extra long sleeves with the buckles in the back.

  5. [Comment ID #240297 will appear here]

    You’re gonna have to spot some steep odds on that bet or you’ll find no takers. And to think he’s 42 and she’s barely 10.

    He doesn’t have a chance.

  6. Jessica, tho’ chaugrin your gentle brow may betray,
    With this missive that swift Mercury hath brought,
    And upon by beseechings, for your noble will to sway,
    You may ponder little, or naught.

    Yet I pray thee, dwell but a thrice upon the pain,
    Your flight from my very soul hath cost,
    You’d forgive my foolish venture to bond our hearts twain,
    And rekindle passions lost.

    I fain recall our youthful passion, warm,
    When springtime’s caprices took thee,
    Thy flaxen hair upon my arm,
    ‘Twas like doing it with a Wookie……Damn!

  7. [Comment ID #240330 will appear here]

    Since it’s a handwritten note, it’s obvious that mom already came downstairs and took his computer away. If Jessica tells on him again, it will be no more Pizza Pops for R2Geek2.

    Hmmmm …. Is Jessica’s last name Rabbit? :wtf:

  8. Dave, I had no idea you could write such heart-felt letters to the women in your life. I can see you were really hurting there. She must have stolen your heart just like Darth Vader stole Luke’s hand. Or did you just do it for the wookie?

  9. Dear Yoda,

    It seems we are really not suited for each other. Just like when Captain Kirk landed on the planet of green women. Even if we could mind-meld I truly believe that you are a Klingon and I am a Romulan.

    Plus, even Checkov could have whipped Skywalker’s ass.

    Kisses

    Jessica

  10. Listen F**k-Face, safety is just an illusion – A dirty trick your mind plays on you so you won’t freak out when you realize just how nasty reality really is. Your reality is to get inside someone like a diseased tapeworm, trying to suck the life out them. Get over it.

    Note to Jessica: RUN LIKE HELL!

  11. I Wish that I had a stalker life Jessica’s. 😛 Do you think that she is willing to share, I get so lonely in the dark tunnels of Hoth :limp:

  12. 10 to 1 he is a pimple ridden, overweight, 39 year old shut in who lives with his “Grammie” and has no life outside of WOW and RPG games. Jessica is probably the neighbor he spys on out his window at night with his Skywalker 2010 Telescope. I am sure there is a restraining order here somewhere……

  13. You know, maybe Jessica is also a Star Wars geek and is just pissed off that he keeps messing things up;

    Dear [name here],
    Do you even realize that Luke was the downfall of Vader in the end? Just because Vader decided that he loved Luke, he had to die! That’s what you’ll do, you’ll just kill my dreams. Oh, if you’re going to use Star Wars in your letters, at least get your facts right! Besides I want a relationship that can be carved in carbonite, not your petty Han Solo-like excuses. Maybe I’ll pull a Jabba and mount your stupid ass on my wall.
    ~Jessica.

  14. Jessica Take 2: Another suggested response for the Geek Lord: Back in the late 60’s (early 70’s), the parent-enforced television-viewing regime at my house (By which, I mean, HAVING to watch TV, not just the program-selections, was my parent’s idea of “family-time”!), the Andy Williams’ Show was an ongoing
    prime-time part-time disaster (by part-time, I mean “Andy” also had a variety-show line-up of musical & comedic stars who later became superstars [Jonathan Winters, for example]).
    Anyway, Jessica: One of the truly great running gags on the show was a man in a bear suit, who would ramble on stage in the middle of one of the bits with Andy Williams and interrupt whatever he was doing to request, as any captive bear might, “a cookie.”
    To which, Andy would reply: “…Not now… not ever… NEVER…!”

  15. Dear Jesica:

    I would not have to stalk you if you would just say yes…

    Reserve a Spot in Heaven? Pass I have a warm one in hell all picked out thanks…

  16. That’s the damndest love letter I’ve ever read. That sophomoric boob needs tp
    crawl up Ann Coulter’s ass and really freeze. :puke: :wtf: 😕 🙁

  17. [Comment ID #240342 will appear here]

    There, there luv there’s nothing wrong with having a little Wookie Nookie…

  18. [Comment ID #240452 will appear here]

    [Comment ID #240632 will appear here]

    Are you kidding? This guy past that milestone long ago. He’s pretty much reached the ‘showing up in her room in the middle of the night’ mark. Hopefully, either Jessica or her parents will be armed and turn him into ‘Banta-Pudu’…

  19. Dave, is there a Star Wars Marathon being shown at your local Starbucks? Bring the camera, the nut jobs will be there in droves!

  20. Ahh… this brings back memories of when I was a young, budding stalker of the ex. It was exciting, the pitty, the watching from afar, then the violent threats, a restraining order or two. sigh…

  21. [Comment ID #240342 will appear here]

    (jesica) swoons and rolls her eyes hither and thither: …you had me at wookie… :puke:

  22. bi you bastert den you uuuuuugly then anything in this worldddddd! i told you thiis letters wil neva change anything between ass en dont cum for brakefast coz my mamma dont want you two and my little 7 years bro dont want you two en i like a boy…..

    WTF!!!!!!!!

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