Damn the centipedes

I thought about the comments from yesterday’s Link of the Day. Centipedes are freakish and wrong. Especially that one. I dug up some facts about it:

  1. Giant Centipedes are responsible for the Stock Market Crash of 1929
  2. Giant Centipedes steal your identity
  3. Giant Centipedes leave the refrigerator door open all night
  4. Giant Centipedes cause seven years bad luck
  5. Giant Centipedes ate the last brownie
  6. Giant Centipedes left the seat up on the toilet
  7. Giant Centipedes never fill up the tank when they borrow the car
  8. Giant Centipedes call 900 numbers during peak hours
  9. Giant Centipedes download illegal MP3s using your work laptop
  10. Giant Centipedes overfeed the goldfish
  11. Giant Centipedes put sugar in the gas tank
  12. What have you seen Giant Centipedes do?
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51 Replies to “Damn the centipedes”

  1. Nothing, I’ve never seen a giant centipede, but if I did, I’d crush it with my size 12 steel cap work boots, pour petrol on it and burn it good.

    :geek:

  2. 1. I have seen a giant centipede guarding the door to my house and then when my friend try to shoo it away, but it ran right toward me.
    2. Centipedes always took my quarters at the arcade.

    [Comment ID #44194 will be quoted here]
    You are right to wear steel cap boots. That would definetly kill it. Yes, the nasty buggers can bite through most trainers and dress shoes because they have nasty long fangs and they are poisonous.

    I also saw a walking stick walk and fire ants biting a tourist. He said he was on fire after the bite.

    FUPA is when you finally can see your penis anymore. :wtf: :puke: :puke:

  3. 1: Giant Centipedes shot a lawyer in the face
    2: Giant Centipedes are responsible for global warming
    3: Giant Centipedes dress up like Republicans…oops…ARE the Republicans.
    4: Giant Cenitpedes helped Bill Gates earn all of his money
    5: Giant Cenitpedes are behind the ideas of all reality shows

    I seem to be forgetting one…oh yeah…I remember…
    [Comment ID #44199 will be quoted here]
    6: Giant Centipedes are responsible for not being able to your own penis anymore…
    But the Republicans are responsible for allowing us to see one every time President Boy George speaks on TV… 😈

  4. [Comment ID #44251 will be quoted here]

    George as the mouse and Dick as the centipede. Condi can be a weed. Rumsfield can be the dirt.

  5. [Comment ID #44251 will be quoted here]

    You just now caught on to that, Spud, I’ve been calling Dubya Boy George for a while now…I think it fit, since they do call Dubya the Boy-King sometimes…I just call him Boy George…or Dickhead… 😈

  6. [Comment ID #44208 will be quoted here]

    Bravo, my brother of another mother. I couldn’t have said it better myself. Keep up the good fight.

  7. Giant Centipedes are hiding weapons of mass destruction in Iraq…..George needs to declare war on them….. 😕

  8. Dave,
    That link is really mean. Some people really can’t help it.

    But, with that said…

    I saw a giant centipede close Walgreens right before I got to the door. The rat bastard… 🙄

  9. Giant Centipedes are responsible for guarding that place where your socks go when they are lost in the clothes dryer. And there isn’t enough money in the world to make them give up where it is either. Yeah, you thought it was Knomes who worked that place didn’t you? Naw, it’s Giant Centipedes, well now anyways….Those poor Knomes. Tomorrow should be “pray for the orphaned Knome babies day” what a tragedy :troll:

  10. Giant Centipedes are not behind you… or are they?
    Giant Centipedes hide the last piece of a 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle.
    Giant Centipedes tell you the end of really good movies.
    Giant Centipedes hide money around the house without telling you.
    Giant Centipedes borrow your toothbrush.
    Giant Centipedes steal your porn.
    Giant Centipedes don’t flush.
    Giant Centipedes drink from the carton.
    Giant Centipedes drink the last of the coffee and don’t make a new pot.

    Come to think of it…

    Giant Centipedes = College Roomates :wtf:

  11. Giant Centipedes stole the Sunday paper.
    Giant Centipedes ripped the bottom ot the trash bag so it fell apart when I carried it to the dumpster.
    Giant Centipedes got my order wrong at the drive through restaurant.
    Giant Centipedes screwed my Fox network reception for the past two episodes of “24”, it’s a freakin’ conspiracy I swear it is!
    Giant Centipedes made the moron in front of me screw around long enough so I got caught at the traffic light and he got through, the bastard!
    Giant Centipedes threw the 2004 Florida Presidential primary election. They were dressed in black robes, all nine of them!

  12. Giant Centipedes think they are smarter than you.
    Giant Centipedes look down thier noses at you.
    Giant Centipedes are arrogant.
    Giant Centipedes cant win arguments by logic and therefore fall back to name calling.
    The main thing to remember is Giant Centipedes are just plain better than you and if you don’t believe that just ask them they will tell you.
    Giant Centpedes run Hollywood.
    Giant Centipedes are led by Hillary Marx.
    I love Giant Centipedes.

  13. Damn thos GIant Centipedes!!!!!Im traumitized with the thought of Giant Centipedes taking over the world that I think I need to go hide in the corner and wait for them. I think Im having a flashback!!!!! 8)

  14. Giant Centpedes broke my truck so I’m off work untill it’s fix’ed .
    A Giant Centipede lives next door to me disguise’ed as a middle aged woman hypocondryac with 30 yes 30 cats & two large dogs in a two bedroom apt. living off of the government tit and suckering good heart’ed people into doing every thing for it 👿 .
    Giant Centipedes make the self checkout at the grocery store go haywire so you have to chase down a live person to fix it and check you out anyway .
    Giant Centipedes put the deductable BULLSHIT in all insurance .

    All Giant Centipedes Must Die !!!

  15. I heard about this chick Monica that had a blue dress, that milked a giant centipede in the oval office. His name was Bill

  16. Giant Centipedes made gas prices rise $0.75 in the past week
    Giant Centipedes who were driking drove that car off the bridge
    Giant Centipedes ate all of the democrats ballots in Florida
    Giant Centipedes keep outsourcing jobs
    Giant Centipedes left a paperclip and :thong: on Daves doorstep
    Giant Centipedes ate my babby!!!!!

  17. Giant centipedes told my wife that I said her brother looked like a Pauly Shore-like serial killer.
    Giant centipedes drank the last cold beer 5 minutes before I got home from work and replaced it with a warm one but failed to tell me.
    Giant centipedes stole one of the naked pictures my wife sent me when she was away so now she thinks I lost it and she won’t take anymore.
    Giant centipedes leave skid marks in my underwear and blame me for it.
    My wife says Giant centipedes flushed “white mice” down the toilet even after the plumber said not to, but I don’t believe her.

  18. Giant centipedes must be male Republicans since most have only 50 ‘pedes’.
    Lying exaggerating bastards! 👿

  19. [Comment ID #44259 will be quoted here]

    I got one more for you about President Boy George and TV…

    The FCC has a problem with nudity on television, but when ever you seen our President speak on TV, why don’t they censor him? He is a giant Dick…wouldn’t that be classified under their rules… 😈

    I still snicker at the fact that if you were to make Bush’s eyes bug out, how much he would look like Gollum from “Lord of the Rings” fame…just sayin’… 😈

  20. Giant Centipedes drink the gas out of out of your car when you’re asleep.
    Giant Centipedes make the numbers spin faster at the gas pump. Oy! ❓ 🙁

  21. Giant Centipedes took all my money, but then they felt bad, so they gave me a gift certificate to TGIFriday’s to try and make up for it.

    Giant Centipedes will not be going to see ‘Snakes On A Plane’.

    Giant Centipedes can never find their size at Victoria’s Secret.

    Giant Centipedes secretly have a big crush on Regis Philbin.

    Giant Centipedes don’t do windows, but for an extra fee, will polish your floors..

    Giant Centipedes will never give you their grandma’s secret Apple Brown Betty recipe.

    Giant Centipedes are not responsible for yesterday’s flash mob at the local PetSmart.

  22. Giant centipedes are responsible for talk radio.

    All telemarketers are actually giant centipedes.

    There’s a rumor going around that Pope Benedict is in fact a giant centipede in papal disguise.

    I’m a bad Catholic.

  23. 1. Giant Centipedes are responsible for all crop circles (nesting) and UFO sitings (transport).
    2. Giant Centipedes disguise themselves in public as Elvis, clowns, or mimes (allowing them to freely walk among us).
    3. Giant Centipedes created the internet as a form of mind control after humans began developing a resistance to television. They are also suspected of brainwashing youth first with rock and roll music and now with rap.
    4. Giant Centipedes developed barcodes as a way to track the feeding habits of earthlings.
    5. Giant Centipedes created headcheese, blood pudding, and Spam as a joke just to prove that humans will eat anything.
    6. Giant Centipedes send us subliminal messages through elevator music, vanity license plates, and the back of cereal boxes.

  24. [Comment ID #44331 will be quoted here]

    That’s just what the Giant Centipedes in Chuck Norris’ beard want you to believe…

  25. Giant Centipedes made me fat. If you grill them on the barbecue with a little honey garlic sauce, they taste pretty good. :puke:

    Also, Giant Centipedes burrowed into my friend’s brain and now they control her and make her do their bidding. Evil bastards. 👿

  26. I dunno. I think I’m starting to like Giant Centipedes :wang: They lead to giant other things. 😈

    😳

  27. Giant centipedes are WONDERFUL and should be treated like GODS!
    Giant centipedes are holding me, at gunpoint, at my keyboard.

  28. All of us are giant centipedes, however some of us have all those crazy legs and the rest of us only have half–We’re all nuts in one way or another-
    BRING ON THE CHOCOLATE CAKE AND LETS EAT!!!

  29. [Comment ID #44661 will be quoted here]

    [Comment ID #44748 will be quoted here]

    Really…that’s you…my other head needs tending to, as well…
    :wang: 😈 :boob: :boob:

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