If or if not my butt was pointy…

From The Schoolyard Rhyme Project:

UNITED STATES
Baby, baby
Stick your head in gravy
Wash it out with bubble gum
and send it to the Navy

SOUTH AFRICA
Yum yum bubble gum
Stick your finger up your bum
If it’s nice, lick it twice
Yum yum bubble gum

DENMARK
Hvis og hvis min røv var spids
og fuld af limonade,
så måtte du min ven slikke
den til ballerne blev flade

[English Translation]
If or if not my butt was pointy
and filled with lemonade,
then you my friends could lick it
until my buttocks were flat

I am dying to hear your comments.

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47 Replies to “If or if not my butt was pointy…”

  1. Just when I was fretting over how disturbed we are here on Davezilla… Thanks, Davezilla, for reminding me that we are truly fucked up globally !

    Oh; and here is mine…
    When I was young
    And had no sense
    I took a piss
    On an electric fence
    It curled my hair
    And singed my balls
    And made me shit my overalls.

    That was in Tennessee, it’s like a whole ‘nuther country :wtf:

  2. We – the Dutch – would never write or sing these kinds of songs. We are a kind, gentle people who don’t swear and don’t sing nasty songs. (we can’t because we’re always high :grin:)

  3. The one from Denmark sort of gets lost in translation, however the spirit remains the same…

    ‘Twas on the good ship Venus,
    By god! You should have seen us,
    The figure-head was a whore in bed,
    And the mast a rampant penis.

    😕

  4. Oh, glorious school days. Here’s one I heard repeatedly from my best friend:

    Whistle while you work
    Hitler is a jerk
    Mussolini shot his weenie
    Now it doesn’t work

  5. Three Irish men three Irish men were digging in a ditch. one called the other a dirty son of a peter murphy peter murphy sitting on a rock along came a bumble bee and stung him on his cocktail gingerale five cents a glass if you don’t like it shove it up your assk me no more questions tell me no more lies if you see a bucket of shit be sure to close you eyes.

  6. Second grade if flooding back…..

    There is a place in France where the naked ladies dance, and a hole in the wall so the men can see it all.

    There is a place in France where the naked ladies dance, and the men run around with their pickles hanging down. (probable because rumor has it french chicks dont shave)

    I see London I see France, Zillakins programmed underpants :undies:

  7. I know that one a little different, Frisko

    There’s a place in France
    where the alligators dance
    One didn’t dance
    So they kicked him in the pants
    The pants he wore
    Were a dollar ninety-four
    You can’t get these
    at your favorite grocery store!
    😈

  8. My best friend loved telling these 2 in 3rd grade:

    There once was a boy named Jazz
    Who had great big balls of brass
    When he clanged them together
    they played “Stormy Weather”
    …and lightning shot out of his ass.

    -and-

    In days of old when Knights were bold,
    before toilets were invented,
    They dropped their load beside the road,
    and went home quite contented.

    Later in life we modified it to:

    In days of old when Knights were bold,
    before rubbers were invented,
    They wrapped a sock around their cock,
    so babies were prevented.

    I think my favorite one was one my father told me, when I was just old enough to get it:

    There once was a hermit named Dave :wtf:
    who kept a dead whore in his cave.
    She was missing one tit,
    and stank like shit.
    But think of the money he saved!

  9. I see London, I see France
    I see Dave’s underpants
    they ain’t white they ain’t pink
    but they sure do stink!!!

  10. Here’s a Spanish one, dunno if it’s funny or spelled correctly:
    De tin marin le do pingue
    cucara macara pipiti fue
    yo no fui
    fue te te
    chumala chumala
    ella fue!
    I believe it’s supposed to be Eeny Meeny Miny Moe.:roll: Gotta represent ya know!

  11. Miss Mary had a steamboat
    the steamboat had a bell
    Miss Mary went to heaven
    the steamboat went to…

    Hello operator
    please give me number 9
    and if you disconnect me
    I’ll kick you in…

    Behind the yellow curtain
    there was a piece of glass
    When Mary sat upon it
    She hurt her little…

    Ask me no more questions
    I’ll tell you no more lies
    The boys are in the bathroom
    Pulling up their…

    Flies are in the kitchen
    Bees are in the park
    the boys and girls are kissing in the
    D-A-R-K
    D-A-R-K
    D-A-R-K
    Dark!

    It’s quite amazing that I remember all this. I think it was one of those clapping songs that you’re supposed to do with another person. Do kids still sing those?

  12. Yes, they still do, Natalie. The only difference is the lyrics are different:
    “I like big butts and I just can’t lie….”

  13. Here comes a new weight loss program, lick each other’s butts! :undies: Not to mention then our asses will be filled with lemonade…..:roll:

  14. hey pancona, you are correct in assuming that the spanish poem is a bad translation of eeny meny miny moe. i know this cause i am currently taking a spanish class and my teacher told us about it a while back. she said that it wasn’t exactly eeny meny miny moe but that like eeny meny miny moe it is a nonsense rhyme used when thay are trying to pick someone to be it in a game of tag or something like that!

  15. Un otro de Espanol- Pancho Carrancho mato a su mujer con cinco cuchillos y un alfiler Translation: Pancho Carrancho killed his mother with 5 knives and a safety pin. Helluva nursery rhyme, huh??????:!:

  16. 1 potato 2 potato 3 potato 4, my dick got caught in the elevator door, lady screemed, my dick turned green, that’s the end of my dind-a-ling-ling.:wtf:

  17. Everyone has seen this one on the stall wall:

    Here I sit all broken hearted,
    Came to shit but only farted.

    A friend of mine told me, as Paul Harvey would say, “The Rest of the Story:”

    Went down the road and took a chance,
    Tried to fart and shit my pants.

    And let’s not forget (damn these childhood memories!):

    Here I sit, down & degraded,
    She wanted to f*ck, but I’d just masterbated.

    Ok, I gotta stop now. I haven’t stopped laughing for hours and my wife is threatening divorce. You all have a good day. 🙄

  18. YOU’RE ALL WRONG! HERE’S THE CORRECT SOUTH AFRICAN AND DANISH TRANSLATION…

    Roses are red,
    Violets are blue,
    Gravy smells sweet,
    and Navy bubble gum does, too!

  19. There once was a girl named Jill
    Who used dynamite sticks for a thrill
    They found her vagina
    In South Carolina
    And bits of her :boobs::boobs: in Brazil

  20. Beans, Beans are good for your heart,
    The more you eat them, the more you fart,
    The more you fart the better you feel,
    Beans, Beans at every meal.

    There was a young girl from Madrid,
    Who claimed she had never been rid,
    Along came an Italian,
    With balls like a stallion,
    And rode her like Billy the Kid.

    (Like you Natalie, I can’t believe I remembered this shit)

  21. its amazing tht we all sung stuff like this wen we were kids

    yankee doodle went to town riding ona rocket
    he stuck a finger up his butt an called herseys chocolate.

    sticks and stones may break my bones but whips and chains xcite me,
    so push me down and tie me up and show how much u like me.

    jack and jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water.
    jack got high and dropped his fly,and asked her do u wanna?
    jill said yes and dropped her dress, and then they had some fun.
    stupid jill forgot her pill, so now they have a son.

    -or the one i still tell ppl who kiss me-
    if u kiss me don’t be sassy, use ur tongue and make it nasty!:razz:

  22. I have red hair and one of my dads hunting buddies would sing this song to me, ” Red head, piss the bed, wash it out with jelly bread, and eat it.”
    I had strong feelings of hate for this man, come to think of it, i still do. This man was a true wack-a-doo. He never brushed his teeth. Needless to say i dreaded hunting season. 😕

  23. PETER PETER PUMPKIN EATER HAD A WIFE BUT COULN’T KEEP HER SO HE PUT HER IN A PUMPKIN SHELL THERE SHE RAISED ALL KINDS OF HELLO DID YOU KNOW ZEBRAS HAVE STRIPES ALL THE WAY DOWN TO THEIR DING DONG WHO’S CALLING !

  24. AND ONE MORE- THOSE WHO WRITE ON BATHROOM WALLS ROLL THEIR SHIT IN TINY BALLS THOSE WHO READ THIS BATHROOM WIT EAT THOSE TINY BALLS OF SHIT.

  25. An old one I remember from my youth–a bit dark but oh well

    Lizzie Borden took an axe
    gave her mother 40 whacks
    when she saw what she had done
    she gave her father 41:wtf:

  26. There was a young man from Peru,
    Who fell asleep in a conoe,
    He dreamed about Venus,
    grabbed hold of his penis,
    and woke up with a hand full of Goo.

    And I heard that on the radio!

  27. How about this one:
    There was a young lass named Dolores,
    Whose boyfriend would lick her clit-toris,
    He sure liked to eat,
    She was peppermint sweet,
    Because she would douche with Lavoris!

    I just made that one up!
    Oral hygene has never been soooo tasty!
    :razz::thong::twisted:

  28. In days of old
    when knights were bold
    and girls were not particular
    They pushed them up
    against the wall
    and did it perpendicular.

    Some little girls I sat for in Chicago sang this all the time. It’s one of those clapping games (which btw is very hard to do) Not dirty, but definitely odd

    I’m a nut (2-3-4)
    In a hut (2-3-4)
    I stole my momma’s pantyhose so what?
    What she gonna do kick my butt?
    I’m Craaazy
    I’m foooolish
    I’m supa dupa
    I’m supa dupa
    Now FREEZE!

    (I saw a couple of girls “freeze” for nearly 5 minutes.

  29. YOU HAVE TO SING THESE!! I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO IN A BIG DEPARTMENT STORE, A LADY CAME IN FOR A HAT ONE DAY WHAT KIND OF A HAT I ASKED HER , FELT SHE SAID SO FELT HER I DID AND THEY THREW ME OUT THE DOOR

    I USED TO WORK IN CHICAGO IN A BIG DEPARTMENT STORE, A LADY CAME IN FOR A CAKE ONE DAY WHAT KINDA CAKE I ASKED HER , LAYER SHE SAID SO LAYER I DID AND THEY THREW ME OUT THE DOOR.

    THERE ARE MANY MORE BUT NONE COME TO MIND RIGHT NOW.:wtf:

  30. 😈

    on top of the school house
    all covered in blood
    i shot my dumb teacher
    with an m-16 gun

    i went to the funeral
    i went to the grave
    i didnt throw flowers
    but i threw a grenade

    i looked in her coffin
    she wasnt quite dead
    so i got a machete
    and chopped off her head…

    cant remember the rest, so sorry lol

  31. Not last night but the night before,
    24 robbers came knocking at my door,
    I asked them what they wanted, and this is what they said:
    Spanish dancers, do the splits, splits, splits!
    Spanish dancers, give a kick, kick, kick!
    Spanish dancers, turn around, round, round!
    Spanish dancers, get out of town, town, town!

  32. Boys are rotten, made out of cotton,
    Girls are dandy, made out of candy,
    Boys go to Jupiter to get more stupider,
    Girls go to college, to get more knowledge!

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