“I like George Washington waaay better than Spiderman.” —Five year-old boy at the park.
Q: How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? A: You wouldn’t know. It’s a really obscure number. Q: How do you drown a hipster? A: Force her into the mainstream. Q: What unit do you use to weigh hipsters? A: Instagrams. Q: How do you kill a hipster? A: Stab him […]
We have a fat, old pug named Bennie. He’ll be 14 years old this year, so we don’t really give him shit about being husky. I’ve heard that Pugs cannot eat chocolate. That it’s poisonous to them. No one sent that memo to Bennie. He’s eaten chocolate, literally by the pound. He’s also eaten a […]
My Asshole Cats …Refuse to chase their toys until I’m in 4th stage REM sleep. …Only get nauseous when the floor is clean. And only on the hardwood. …Are responsible for 99% of all poltergeist activity in the lower 48 states. …Inform me their claws need trimming when they are sitting on my crotch. …Allow […]
Thank you for your patience! Your AT&T Representative will be with you shortly. Welcome! You are now chatting with ‘Vanessa‘ Vanessa: Hi David, Thanks for chatting, let me help you with your concern Dave: thank you Vanessa: Your welcome! Dave: You’re, not your. Vanessa: I’m not sure what you mean. Dave: You wrote “Your welcome”, […]
If it seems contrary to common sense, you’re either about to die a redneck death, or have an innovative breakthrough. —Davezilla
Letting my 10 month-old girl play on my laptop. She manages to call up Pope Francis’ Twitter page and turn off the TV.