Astral Body Workout

I was IMing with my friend Jim S. when we got on one of those odd topics. I know. Moi? Talk about something weird? So we’re talking about astral bodies, something I find both fascinating and well … highly improbable.

I just don’t buy into it. Not the fact that it’s, you know, bullshit. I’ve heard worse. Like that Ark story. I’m talking about the inconvenience of having an astral body. I mean, I can barely take care of this one, and now I have to take care of an invisible body, too? That just doesn’t seem fair. I’m far too busy to fit one more exercise regimen into my schedule.

What’s its jacket size? Does it find that Lycra chafes? Is it also averse to synthetic blends? These are the things I need to know. Help me here.

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50 Replies to “Astral Body Workout”

  1. That whole post would probably make much more sense if I actually had the intelligence to know what an astral body was…maybe that body has my brain. 😕

  2. Well of course you have an astral body, who do you think it is whispering in your ear as you’re about to have that last slice of pizza?

    Respect!

    Oh yeah, astral body exercise consists of the following :-

    Should I
    Shouldn’t I
    Should I
    Shouldn’t I?

    :geek:

  3. One of my resolutions this year was to work on my astral body, you know, to keep it from expanding cause at the rate its going now everyone is going to be able to see my astral body project! I don’t think they make clothes big enough for my astral body.
    Lame, I know.

  4. When I got off the astral plane, my astral body was rerouted along with my luggage. I am still waiting for it to get its astral self back to my house.

  5. My astral body does all the things I’m too chicken, lazy or fat to try.
    – It walks around naked (outside) – no clothes neccesary.
    – It is model-thin. It doesn’t eat – no food allergies.
    – It runs marathons – is therefore in good shape.
    – Went to college – is the intelligent one of us.
    You should train/bribe yours likewise.

  6. I have found after years of exhausting research that it is simply much easier if you let your astral body do all of the dirty work you know you never want to do… now who in their right mind really wants to have to scrub out a toilet?
    And this wonderful astral body is the perfect scapegoat… Try this the next time you have to fight a traffic ticket in court. Question the police officer with these words. I couldn’t have been speeding officer. You see, I wasn’t even there, I was hard at work, perhaps it was my astral body you saw behind the whell at the time of the offence. It sure works for me 🙄

  7. My astral body is still recovering from that hunting trip with a drunk Dick Cheney. Who knew that bastard could shoot that well when he was soused. I mean my astral body is smaller than a rich lawyer. But I expect it to recover completely.
    I love Fran.

  8. I have an astral body that travels with me?!? Oh, what a relief. Apparently, mine isn’t too smart since people look our way and murmur, “Can you believe what a total dumb astral she is?”

  9. My astral body is kinda fat from the winter. I thin I need an astral workout!!! :wtf:

  10. My astral body would like to meet Anna’s. Anna, here’s a picture of him:

    He says the unibrow is really just a trick of the light. For the record, he’s an SCM (single clear male); Aquarius; likes shadow dancing and long walks at night; only drinks water; fully employed as a quality inspector at the Saran Wrap factory.

  11. Mandy, if you ever need a new avatar photographer, my astral body would like to apply…

  12. wow, and i thought i had ant problems now! i can’t even imagine how crazy i would get if i had an infestation with those little buggers!

  13. Me and my astral body had lunch together, but she couldn’t finish her taco salad.

    Mandy, if that’s your ass, well, damn!

  14. frisbeetarianism – the belief that when one dies, their astral body flies up onto ones roof and gets stuck there.

  15. [Comment ID #29492 will be quoted here]

    I think she would have to wear it backwards for that.

  16. My astral body is trying to catch up with my “ass and body” since it is spring break here and i have 4 kids aged from 3months to 11yrs anyone see either of them catch em and hold on til I can get back to you!!! 😛

  17. [Comment ID #29502 will be quoted here]

    I, too, was debating whether or not to turn that around (pun intended) into an 80s Hustler bush joke.

    Thanks for being there, Jeffro.

  18. My astral self just showed up in a limo smoking a Cuban cigar, wearing Dutch wooden shoes, a dashiki and a Panama hat. She gave me a package of peanuts and went into the living room and crashed, so Nikki, its either jet lag or the Jamaican rum . She always has better vacations than I do! 🙁

    By the way, my luggage is being held hostage in Syria. Apparently they thought my astral self was a spy.

  19. Mandy likes to tease us…

    I could post a picture of my arse in a thong, but well, um hemaroids, arse hair and pimples probably won’t cut it as an avatar.

    I dunno, what say you?

    :geek:

  20. spud i beg of you leve you pants on!!!! no one needs to see that :limp: my astrele body moved out a month ago she and i don’t get on verry well :wtf:

  21. The problem I have is getting my astral out of bed every morning to face the day with too many other astrals out there. I think I’ll have go out and buy a bag of potato chips today and eat the whole thing just to be able to recover.

  22. [Comment ID #29488 will be quoted here]

    Mine’s alright, but that’s NOT my ass! I wish. :thong:

  23. Does your astral body conflict with your body of knowledge? :wtf:

    Does your astral body get a makeover? :wtf:

    Does anyone have a hotter avatar than Mandy? :wang:

    BTW Mandy, we need visual proof that your avatar is not your ass.

  24. [Comment ID #29513 will be quoted here]

    I think my astral self was hanging out with yours. He just showed up wearing saffron robes and no shoes. He had a bottle of Tequila in one had and a joint in the other. He had also mentioned the ganga was from Jamaica. What were they up to? If your astral self starts chanting, I think they went to Tibet, too. Sorry about your luggage.

  25. Keep trying mike! we’re right beside ya.

    Although I do wonder who would take the picture, if Mandy so graciously consented a small gathering of davezilla readers to authenticate which arse is which.

    😈

  26. If you can fly up here to see me, Spud, I will gladly drop trou for your camera. :thong:

  27. Good god, I think I just had a mild heart attack!

    :wtf:

    List of things to do:-
    1. Buy plane ticket
    2. Get passport
    3. Pack extra thong
    4. Pack camera
    5. Run

  28. [Comment ID #29615 will be quoted here]

    ?Mild Heart Attack? Are you absolutely sure about that, Spud? I think I’d have a MASSIVE heat attack…or something else massive that starts with an H… :wang: :thong: 😈

  29. oops supposed to be MASSIVE heart attack…got distracted by Mandy’s avatar…visual proof would be great to have Mandy…and if it is true that the ass pic is not really your ass, I don’t think any of us would have a problem with you replacing with yours…I mean come on, looking at your old avatar, with a face like yours, there has to be a great body to go with it :wang:

  30. Spud I’m not sure I’m worthy of being in your cyber presence, your a man amung men. Oh and dont forget to pack your nitro pills.

  31. My astral body likes to cuddle, is really “into” decorating, furniture arranging, and designer clothes, and wants me to go to a nightclub called Phallicity?….. I’m kinda worried about my astal body.

  32. [Comment ID #29629 will be quoted here]

    Couldn’t have said it any better myself!!!

  33. I think my astral body needs to do some Pilates. Too much cold weather and too many Krispy Cremes :puke:

Comments are closed.