Anagram Interview with Tom Cruise

DISCLAIMER: Before you scratch your head or send me hate mail, please note that this is a fake interview. It’s not real. OK? The answers were created by rearranging the letters in Tom Cruise [anagramming]. No disrespect is meant. I’m sure he’s a fine person.

Davezilla: So Tom. I hear you’ve been sending rodents to the outer galaxies to find Xenu?
Tom Cruise: Mice tours!

Davezilla: Fascinating. I notice you’re scratching. Did you get kicked in the nuts?
Tom Cruise: (ie. scrotum)

Davezilla: What’s causing your pain, if you don’t mind my asking?
Tom Cruise: Ice tumors.

Davezilla: How do you get rid of those?
Tom Cruise: I cure most. Moist cure.

Davezilla: Now that you’ve been compared to Jesus, how do you plan on ensuring your immortality?
Tom Cruise: I store cum.

Davezilla: The press is always trying to out you.
Tom Cruise: Crime to us.

Davezilla: I won’t do that, but is it true that you have been known to poke the one-eyed sailor?
Tom Cruise: Rectum? … So?

Davezilla: Just sayin’. So if you were gay, what type of men would you go for?
Tom Cruise: Semi or cut.

Davezilla: As the new Scientology Messiah, how will you protect mankind?
Tom Cruise: Omit curse! I smote cur!

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50 Replies to “Anagram Interview with Tom Cruise”

  1. Hate mail for making fun of Tom? I think fan mail would be the more likely reaction. As for the Link of the Day, is that what goes on inside my computer when I google naughty stuff?

  2. [Comment ID #85062 will be quoted here]

    Every time I post one of these, I get inundated with hate mail from fans of that celebrity who seem to think the interviews are real. :dead:

  3. Oh, and one more thing…Nicole said, after leaving TC, “I can start wearing high heels again.” :wang:

  4. I wondered where you’d take our Cruise-as-Messiah conversation yesterday. Brilliant stuff. And Happy Birthday! 😀

  5. what food would you compare yourself to tom? crumpet
    how would you describe your acting ability? cutsie
    when it comes to charitable donations? miser
    how about gay bars? customer
    how are you when you leave the bars? crustie
    who do you really believe in? criste
    when people say you’re insane? truism
    how is katie holmes during sex? mut cries

    :java:

  6. Feliz CumpleAnos A ti!
    Ten un cumpleAnos fEliz!
    Feliz cumpleAnos Davezilla,
    Feliz cumpleAnos a TI!

    Sapo verde eres tu!
    Sapo verde eres tu!
    Sapo verde Davezilla!
    Sapo verde eres tu!

    Two versions just for you on your birthday!
    May you be blessed with many many more!

  7. Geez, Dave. Your birthday is a day before mine… and here I thought I was the older of the two of us.

    Hippo birdy.

  8. Another year older? Well let’s all hope the :wang: still works.

    I wonder how much you have to give to the Cult of Scientology to get the title of Jesus? So what does that make Katie and the kid?

  9. [Comment ID #85131 will be quoted here]

    Ha! Just reminded me of my son when he was just learning to talk, instead of Doggy Pile he would leap off the sofa onto unsuspecting victims screaming at the top of his lungs—DUCKY POLLO!!!!

    just sharing

  10. Dave, Have you had your spanking today? 😛

    *spank*spank*spank*spank*spank*spank*spank*spank*spank*
    *spank*spank*spank*spank*spank*spank*spank*spank*spank*
    *spank*spank*spank*spank*spank*spank*spank*spank*spank*
    *spank*spank*spank*spank*spank*spank*spank*spank*spank*
    *spank*spank*spank*spank*spank*spank*spank* 😳

    and an extra one for good luck *spank* 😈

  11. Anyone else up for a spanking? That’s willing to return the favor…
    😈 😳 :thong: :wang: 😈

  12. How about that! Dave went on a CRUISE for his birthday. Jump on a couch for Dave day! 😛 😀 :wtf:

  13. [Comment ID #85189 will be quoted here]

    I’ll take my chances. Anyone else offering? 😈

    [Comment ID #85186 will be quoted here]

    The Big 5-0. Happy Birthday

  14. It’s funny – I saw Atryd’s spanking and the first thought that came in to my head was “There’s a spanking going on; Mandy must be nearby” and a couple of comments later, there she was. Between that and the silicone sex, I’ve had some pretty good laughs today. Thanks Dave and Happy Birthday! Have a :java:, on me.

  15. [Comment ID #85067 will be quoted here]

    There’s programs that generate anagrams. They’re not even all that difficult to write: have an algorithm that loops through all possible combinations of the letters and looks each result up in a dictionary file looking for real-world matches.

    Of course, the *art* of turning the results into humor is what sets the ‘Zilla apart from the rest of us nerds.

  16. [Comment ID #85133 will be quoted here]

    When I heard about the Scientologists declaring his Jesus, my first thought was “Crucifixion? Line on the left; one cross each.” Get out while you still can, Tom!

  17. Absolutly brilliant….still scratching my head, wondering how you come up with these things.

    Happy Birthday Dave!!

    Here is 43 hugs and kisses, since you have already been spanked.

    😆

  18. Happy Birthday Dave! I hope you’re not too sore from all those spankings. I know I’m gonna get some when I have my birthday in two weeks. Finally, I’ll be 25 and I can rent a car!

  19. No poking the “ONE-EYED-SAILOR” NO NO NO. 8)

    Jest sos ye understands eyze aint the types jest cuz eyze got one glazz eye! ! ! 😮

Comments are closed.